is this true

meritaten

my kids all phoned to tell me they were going in to hospital 'in labour'. if they wanted me there they would have had to ask me. to me its for mum and dad and 'staff' in delivery room. I usually got the call about an hour or so after the birth to tell me sex and weight!
I find that phrase 'I will call you the next day' a bit strange too. That's cold.
New parents are usually calling everyone they know a couple of hours after the 'arrival'! keen to share the joy! and send you pics of the newborn!!!!!!
perhaps they don't realise right now how they will feel after the birth? or perhaps you are right and HE is a controller? time will tell.

Saint_Chris

what they say and what they do are two different things.


she maybe saying this now, but she may change as soon as she's had the baby and message you.


I was there when my daughter had her baby, it was me and her husband, we wasn't there that long, went into labour and 1.00pm, I drove them the hospital and baby arrived at 2.30pm, I just sat there in the corner of the room, with her phone, texting members of the family, to tell them updates.............see us mums do come in useful for something......lol


I watched baby being born, I took a few pictures, then when baby was rubbed down and cleaned, I left the room for about 20 mins to go outside to ring, my mum and dad, and my husband...............


and to give them that bit of time together,


it was a wonderful experience and one i'll always remember.

System

My God I was the first person to know my daughter had gone into labour and I wouldn't say we are that close. She contacted me before letting her partner know as he was at work.

She apologised for not wanting me there when she gave birth as is the 'fashion' these days but said that she'd rather not have anyone with her and that included her partner. I must admit it hadn't crossed my mind that she thought she might want me there to be honest I think its a special time that only the two of them should share.

However, saying that, her partner kept me informed all throughout her labour, even through the early hours of the morning and when our Grandson was born, I was the first person he contacted.

Me and her Dad was the second person to see him (Daddys parents were the first) but that was only because they got there first. She couldn't wait for us to see him.

I think your daughter is acting rather oddly.

*Diva*

how odd! I never really understand why couples are so secretive about giving birth who to have there when they are goin in etc...

You dont have to advertise it on facebook as I dont really like the idea of that however when I was over due every day i used to get sooo many texts asking me if i had gone into labour so instead of txting EVERYONE I just put a message on facebook saying ive had the baby and obviously family were contacted via telephone.




MY other half wanted to be there but I wanted my mum as well as she has been through it and regardless of the ups and downs you have been through they have heaps of experience. They can offer you guidance and calm you down because they have been there done that.. my other half couldnt offer that but he was there supporting me by giving massages etc.


I really think its a bit harsh if your daughter doesnt want you there and it definitly isnt fashion as I am a 25yr old and I still wanted my mummy to be there!
but its their choice and youve gotta respect it, chances are when she eventually goes into labour and her hubby is tired from waiting they will call you and tell you to come and he will go home to freshen up.

mehak_327

julie88 wrote: »

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us
my daughter said this is the done thing now people dont tell parents or freinds or anyone when they go into hospital its all secret thats why she wont let me know anything
she also says staff at the hospital told her that they advised her not to let freinds and family know either
i dont know what to think

When I went to labour, my mom and sisters were informed. In fact, hubby was keen to get as much help as possible. Only 2 were allowed in the delivery - so my hubby and mom stayed in, but my sisters were outside. It was 6 hour labour so he would come out to waiting area for a bit and then come back inside.

ouchy2012

well most people seem to post on facebook when they are in labour, when their babies born...this seems to be the done thing nowadays most people post photos within minutes wanting to share their gorgeous babies with all their friends...

Maybe your daughter wants to be different and wants the first day just her, her partner and the child, I think its quite a lovely thing that the first day is spent as a 'family' (by this i mean this is now her own little family)

smileypigface

Things can get so hectic with friends and relatives visiting in the early days - I personally think it's quite nice to set aside a little bit of private time just for the new family to be together.

When I had my first baby, 23 years ago (eek!), my OH rang my parents as we waited for the ambulance (1.5 hr labour!) - the last thing I saw as the ambulance doors closed was my parents' car screeching to a halt behind it! Luckily they didn't follow us to the hospital (they would have got short shrift from me!). However, my OH rang them, and his parents, to let them know our daughter had arrived safely and my parents then rang everyone they could think of, including my sister who lived abroad, to tell them. This upset me greatly as I felt (and still do) that it was MY news to tell and I wanted to share it myself - especially to my sister.

When I had my second one I told everyone I was due a week after I actually was, and my second daughter arrived on her due date (or a week early if you ask my parents!) - again, my husband rang them - and then an hour or so later they rang him back to say they were really sorry but they thought they might have overstepped the mark (again!) - in the full knowledge of how upset I was by them sharing my news the first time, they had done exactly the same thing again - including ringing my sister abroad again!

So, when I had my third baby they were the last people I phoned - which meant they didn't find out for about 12 hours. The same with my 4th (and last!) baby.

I know some might think it's petty; but it was/is important to me.

Obviously, everyone's feelings are influenced by their life experiences - my parents have always intruded just that step too far for my personal comfort - my mother sharing my most personal medical problems with anyone who would listen, for example. So, for me, I accept that I am probably a bit more protective of my own 'personal' stuff than some people might be.

Savvy_Sue

As I was a bit in and out of hospital in labour with DS1, I'm glad no-one knew.

I had DS2 and DS3 at home, and again, didn't tell anyone when we 'called the midwife'. In fact, DS2 was born on a Sunday, and as MIL always phones us on Sunday evenings I got DH to phone her just to say there was no news. Really the news was that I thought I might possibly be going to have a baby that day, but I didn't want her either phoning mid contraction, or spending the whole evening worrying.

And with DS3 he kept starting and stopping for a week or so beforehand. No, I did not want MIL or Mother to know that!!!

catloverbex

I think this is such a personal decision for a woman and if I was the OP, I certainly wouldn't be offended or upset by the daughters decision.

I'm currently one week overdue with my first baby and have no plans to tell anyone (other than hubby!) when our labour starts. I am incredibly close to my family (especially my mum and my twin) but I just know that they will worry SOOOO much if they are sat at home knowing that I am labouring that I just don't want to put them through that. I also don't want them sitting hanging for updates as I know labour can be slow and I think that I may feel stressed or pressured if I know people are aware that I am in labour and are waiting for updates. I also don't want people texting or calling hubby for updates when he needs to focus on supporting me lol.

We will let our family know as soon as baby arrives tho and I do think its a little odd for your daughter to say they'll tell you the next day but reckon when it comes to it they will probably end up calling you straight away as they won't be able to contain themselves!

sulphate

Depending on length of labour, not telling anyone until the day after the birth could mean not being in contact for about 3 days, so this probably won't work in practice.

I am newly pregnant and don't plan on putting pictures on Facebook of the baby either, at least not initially. I don't consider myself "secretive" or "different", but I want my child to know a bit of privacy. Just because everyone else puts pictures of their baby on Facebook within an hour of pushing it out doesn't mean I should be expected to. If I have baby at 5pm and visiting hours are 5.30pm-7pm I'm not sure I'd want visitors at the hospital either. I suppose that makes me very selfish, but I think the first few hours and days are really important for the new parents and baby to bond. Grandparents and other family members shouldn't expect to visit within a couple of hours of birth.

If you Google something like "visitors after birth" you will find all sorts of horror stories on Mumsnet etc of women who told their parents they'd gone into labour and to their horror their entire families had shown up and tried to muscle in on the delivery suite, etc. Plenty of them said that too many visitors after the birth spoilt the time they had together just by themselves, and if they have another child they won't be telling anyone they're in labour.

Surely this kind of decision is up to the parents.