is this true

julie88_2

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us
my daughter said this is the done thing now people dont tell parents or freinds or anyone when they go into hospital its all secret thats why she wont let me know anything
she also says staff at the hospital told her that they advised her not to let freinds and family know either
i dont know what to think

double_mummy

very strange!!!!

azzabazza

My latest experience was 20 months ago when my son certainly phoned us to say DIL in labour, in hospital. It was a long 12 hours at this end waiting for news!

None of my friends/family have mentioned the hospital advice not to inform people. Maybe the maternity unit ask people not to phone them for updates in case it ties up their phone lines. However, this wouldn't stop expectant parents phoning from mobiles.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

mountainofdebt

Well I have to say that when I was expecting Junior my mum drove me up the wall with her phoning every day when I was on maternity leave at exactly the same time.

I didn't tell her when I was going in, but it wasn't to spite her I just had other things on my mind.

I can't see the hospital saying it but I can see the advantage of it from their pov - at least people won't be constantly on the phone asking if there's any news. Do people camp out in the waiting room these days?

lilmissreading

I read somewhere of someone who informed their MIL when they were going in and despite previously discussing with her not to turn up she did. This caused problems at the hospital as neither wanted her in the birth room and there was nowhere really for her to wait, plus she kept asking for information on the birth. The lady giving birth found this stressful and said the staff did too!

I only want DH at the birth. We will tell family if we can (i.e. there is time and it's not too fast etc) but I will be discussing with them beforehand not to turn up. In contrast when I was born my mum's mum was there and the first to hold me so times have changed in a generation. Certainly my mum found it a head shift that I wanted to plan my own wedding where hers was planned by her mum.

Could they be worried you will turn up? Is your daughter worried about giving birth and they think they might want time to themselves before announcing the birth? I wouldn't necessarily take it personally even if it feels like it.

anmarj

all there was in our hospital was not to phone but to go outside but hubby when he went to phone my sister, got a rather rude midwife, but we phoned from the bed anyway.

it may be local policy or it could be something else.

Onetwothreefour

Hi my SIL recently had a baby and made it clear that no visitors at the hosp or ringing the hosp (didnt even tell us which hosp they where going to) and my brother would let us know when baby arrived. We weren't informed either when she was going in. Guess for some couples they want to keep it a 'special' family time..also for the hospitals they won't/shouldn't give out info over the 'phone as you technically could be anyone making the call. They may have a limit in the number of visitors on the ward/set times...my friend who had a baby the ward only allowed partners in,on the maternity ward which I found out when I rocked up with pressies!! Might be worth checking out with the hosp.
Personally, Idon't think that it would be unreasonable to let you know your daughter has gone into hosp/labour, but each to their own.

mumonashoestring

I was given the same advice (i.e. don't tell everyone when you go in) by many, including my MIL who was a midwife. A lot of people find that as soon as you tell people you're going to the hospital they get excited and tell friends, everyone starts calling/texting demanding updates or worse, actually turning up at the hospital because 'I'm sure she'd want me here' or 'she must have had it by now'. It's extra stress for the parents and a pain in the bum for the hospital staff. If you wait til you're ready for visitors before letting people know then at least you know they're not going to try to barge into the delivery room at an inconvenient moment!

julie88_2

no i certainly wouldnt go to the hospital or keep on phoning all we want is a quick call to let us know the labour has started and later on a call about the happy event!!
we live some way from the hospital and i hope to see them maybe a day or 2 later

sassyblue

julie88 wrote: »

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby

What is your relationship like with your daughter usually? I could understand her doing this if you were demanding?

I do think like you it's odd, you're her mum surely she wants to tell you first and as soon as she could?

This is not the norm these days or hospital policy, as far as l know...

lavandergirl_2

julie88 wrote: »

she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us

Seems a bit harsh to think he is being spiteful. Maybe they want the privacy? Maybe they feel what you feel about him?