is this true

MrsC....tobe

I've never really been that close to my mum although things have changed in the last couple of years, and at nearly 6 months into my first pregnancy there's been a number of 'I want my mum' moments and we're over 200 miles apart so not that easy! She's going on holiday at the end of September, returning 4th October and I'm due on 16th. For both our sakes I hope I don't go too early!!
My stepmum has offered to come and stay for a week or so before due date to help out around the house, and even be there at the birth if I want but I've turned it all down as the only person I want there is DH. I've also told him that if I'm up all night and all day in labour and giving birth that the only visitor I want that night is him and he is to tell everyone else to stay away. He can tell them when we've gone in (will have to for the sake of my stepkids) but I don't want anyone there at all until I give the say so.

Everyone has their own idea of what they want and how and when to tell people their happy news. Don't take offence to it, it may just be what they want.

lilmissreading

julie88 wrote: »

stebiz
yes she is my onley daughter and no she does not seem nervous

I bet I don't seem nervous to my mum but I keep turning to Dh and saying we're not ready (14 weeks to go)...I can't take him in the car EVER it's not safe...are we sure we know the right way up for babies...I do this with him as he shares in my worries.

My mum will be the right person to share these worries with when he's here and can help me out practically. Otherwise she tries to be practical and help me now when all I want is a moan! Just different coping styles.

sedment

Whether its due to not wanting to worry people or indeed get told by midwives that no personal calls unless to your mobiles as it does tie up phone lines, and staff to chase down people when they have gone for a wander/shower after baby. Might it be hospital policy due to confidentiality? Maybe your daughter doesnt want to be in the position of delivering her lovely new baby near to visiting times and having visits before she has even had a sleep or time to wash her hair and get presentable. Seems to be a trend to have a tan, nails done etc before delivering now!!

barbiedoll

julie88 wrote: »

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us
my daughter said this is the done thing now people dont tell parents or freinds or anyone when they go into hospital its all secret thats why she wont let me know anything
she also says staff at the hospital told her that they advised her not to let freinds and family know either
i dont know what to think

Why do you say that her husband is "controlling"? Does he stop her from seeing you or speaking to you on the phone? Do they live a long way away at his behest? Why do you say that he doesn't like you and your husband?

I can see why the hospital (and the parents-to-be) don't want hoardes of relatives and friends ringing or visiting the hospital during the birth but I can't see why she can't let you know when she's in labour or about to go in. If you live miles away, you're hardly likely to turn up at 3am at the delivery suite (are you?).

When I had my baby, I had my husband, my mum and my brother there. Although I did boot my brother out of the delivery room when it got to the "naked below the waist" stage! He was waiting outside and was able to hold his new nephew just a few minutes after he was born. The maternity unit where I now work won't let you have more than one birth partner (they are flexible in certain circumstances) and they don't allow more than two visitors at a time and no kids at all unless they are your own. This is more about security, infection control and noise/behaviour issues, I work in a quite deprived area and we have had problems with huge family groups turning up at all hours to celebrate the birth.

You need to talk to your daughter, I'm not sure why she feels that she has to keep everything "secret".

Buzzybee90

Bit of a fork, but what is the norm now with delivery room attendance, is it usually just husband/partner?

alias*alibi

julie88 wrote: »

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us
my daughter said this is the done thing now people dont tell parents or freinds or anyone when they go into hospital its all secret thats why she wont let me know anything
she also says staff at the hospital told her that they advised her not to let freinds and family know either
i dont know what to think

I've got a friend on Facebook who has been like this; 2 weeks on still going on about there will be no pictures as ALL their family hasn't seen baby and said she was going to delete Facebook when she went in to labour (she didn't of course). I find it all very odd this secretive behaviour like it's an exclusive thing to have ever only happened to them. She's been going on about SPD and swollen hands/feet for so long and now cryptic messages on Facebook that I've now completely lost interest in her baby.

Sorry think I got wrong end of the stick; my mum and OH was in with me during my DD's birth. I still think people keeping quiet is for the 'big show and tell' when they've got a captive audience.

savingmummy

I`ve not known of anyone not to share the news soon after.


I worked in a maternity unit and we would never of said not to inform people about the birth.

savingmummy

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Bit of a fork, but what is the norm now with delivery room attendance, is it usually just husband/partner?

Two birthing partners which is normally the dad and another.
Our hospital don`t allow anymore then that and any extras loitering are asked to wait outside the department.

Buzzybee90

savingmummy wrote: »

Two birthing partners which is normally the dad and another.
Our hospital don`t allow anymore then that and any extras loitering are asked to wait outside the department.

Thanks double mummy. I was just thinking, I'd probably want my mum on hand but wouldn't want MIL nearby.

Anatidaephobia

julie88 wrote: »

she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby

This is the only bit that I find a bit odd about the OP's post.

I can understand hospitals not wanting the world phoning up every two mins (or worse, turning up in person) to get an update but I would've thought that after it's all over and the baby has been born, at some point, they will give their family a call to let them know what has happened and that everybody is okay.

Judging from my Facebook friends, it's fairly normal to make an online announcement and upload a photo within just a matter of hours of the birth (I always wondered if that meant close relations saw the baby for the first time via a Facebook post). So, I would expect a phone call to inform the family within a 'reasonable' time after the birth. I would be rather surprised, for example, if the daughter phones mum at 7pm on Friday and says "Just calling to let you know I had a baby on Thursday at 6am!".

Of course I may be reading FAR too much into the wording regarding this!