child paying keep/rent

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

That's why I wouldn't charge them the full market rate.

For the last 8 months we've had living with us my husband's best friend. My husband has refused to charge him rent. This particular friend spent 20 years sponging off his grandmother, living rent free. He then had a disastrous attempt at home ownership resulting in him being repossessed last November. Since then he's been sponging off us. He has now promised that he's going to leave - his plan is to move in with his brother where he will be paying below market rent, presumably until he runs out of money again and his brother boots him out (and if he turns up on our doorstep and hubby lets him in I'll file for divorce).

You categorically do not do your kids any favours if you let them live with you rent free.

Categorically? Because of that one story? Many people have stories that could be used to argue the opposite side. Being allowed to live practically rent free (they asked for £100 out of my £1300pm salary) allowed me to buy my first home at 24. I'm now in my second, no repossessions or financial disasters yet!

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

How many adult children living in their parents' homes are actually treated as equals though? They aren't flatmates after all, they don't get an equal say in household decisions, plenty of them still have to live by their parents' rules of wishes.

You wouldn't allow a lodger an equal say in household decisions though, would you?

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

Categorically? Because of that one story? Many people have stories that could be used to argue the opposite side. Being allowed to live practically rent free (they asked for £100 out of my £1300pm salary) allowed me to buy my first home at 24. I'm now in my second, no repossessions or financial disasters yet!

£100pcm isn't rent free though, is it

I don't agree with treating your kids like a cash cow but I do think that an adult working full time should make a real contribution to the household finances. Not necessarily the full market rate, but more than just a token amount. And yes, they should also be encouraged to save as well.

But if you let them walk all over you, paying no rent and getting their laundry done, as well as meals and cleaning, then don't be surprised if they're still there when they're 40, utterly unable to look after themselves and to survive in the adult world.

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

Categorically? Because of that one story? Many people have stories that could be used to argue the opposite side. Being allowed to live practically rent free (they asked for £100 out of my £1300pm salary) allowed me to buy my first home at 24. I'm now in my second, no repossessions or financial disasters yet!

but thats the thing though - people will do what they think is best for their situation, and some of that decision will be based on their direct experiences.

I have to say, having read threads like this over the last couple of years on MSE, my attitude to charging my adult child to live with me has modified. I expect I will charge her when she's finished her formal education and is working, if she's living at home. But whereas I used to think a percentage was fair, I now think a set amount, below market value for a room in a flatshare, is fair. £50 per week if she's eating at home most of the time/expects there to be meals at home available etc seems fair to me.

gellerbing

when i lived at home I had to pay £300 a month,i also bought and cooked my own food and did my own laundry

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

£100pcm isn't rent free though, is it

I don't agree with treating your kids like a cash cow but I do think that an adult working full time should make a real contribution to the household finances. Not necessarily the full market rate, but more than just a token amount. And yes, they should also be encouraged to save as well.

But if you let them walk all over you, paying no rent and getting their laundry done, as well as meals and cleaning, then don't be surprised if they're still there when they're 40, utterly unable to look after themselves and to survive in the adult world.

It may as well have been, it's not much out of that wage, I barely noticed it. When I was studying or unemployed they didn't ask for anything.

I don't think normal, happy functioning adults want to live with their parents for much longer than they have to, no matter how cheap it is. They want to fly the nest and live their own lives.

schwam66

onlyroz wrote: »

You wouldn't allow a lodger an equal say in household decisions though, would you?

You can't be serious? You didn't birth the lodger did you! This is your children we are on about, not some random person off the street!

Soleil_lune

Good grief!

whodathunkit

Person_one wrote: »

How many adult children living in their parents' homes are actually treated as equals though? They aren't flatmates after all, they don't get an equal say in household decisions, plenty of them still have to live by their parents' rules of wishes.

Treating someone as an equal doesn't necessarily mean they have an equal say.

University academics (hopefully) treat their students as equals but that doesn't mean their opinions are equally valid. I'm sure you treat your patients as equals but that doesn't mean that they don't have to do what you advise them about their health when under your care.

onlyroz

schwam66 wrote: »

You can't be serious? You didn't birth the lodger did you! This is your children we are on about, not some random person off the street!

I wasn't comparing your child to a lodger. Perhaps you should re-read my post.

The suggestion was that because adult children pay rent they should get an equal say in household decisions. I was simply providing a counter argument.