child paying keep/rent

whodathunkit

schwam66 wrote: »

maybe thats my point, this country is going to !!!! because of the open boarders and all the people that rely so heavily on benefits....if your that hard up that you rely on the benefits THAT much then you seriously shouldnt have had kids, i know you say situations change but you cant really say that you know once you have a child you need to be there for that child whether they are 1 or 41.....

as i have said i can understand if your kid is a mooch and is 30 and still at home but to think that you are that bad financially that you have to hit up your cash strapped 18 year old to make ends meet is a real shame.....50 wont be much to the parent but to the child thats like a 1000....

Once a "child" is 41 I'd hope he'd be there for his parents rather than the opposite!

Seanymph

I don't think you do have to be there unconditionally for your 'cash strapped' 18 year old.

I think you have to make constructive parenting decisions, and do what you feel is right for the child.

Now in some cases that may be supporting them financially with them not in the home. In some it may be keeping them at home rent free, and in some it may be charging them rent.

Everyone has different circumstances and different children.

It's not a 'one size fits all' question - we have five children, and five different situations.

schwam66

whodathunkit wrote: »

Once a "child" is 41 I'd hope he'd be there for his parents rather than the opposite!

you crazy?!?!? by the sounds of some of these post these 'parents' will never let the kids leave.....they are their cash cows....who the hell is going to pay the tv license if the kid leaves???? :rotfl:

whodathunkit

schwam66 wrote: »

you crazy?!?!? by the sounds of some of these post these 'parents' will never let the kids leave.....they are their cash cows....who the hell is going to pay the tv license if the kid leaves???? :rotfl:

I don't know whether to feel more sorry for your children or your parents!:D

System

I do t think there's anything wrong with ADULT children contributing to the family finances if they are earning, it's what adults do. in some cases if you give then a free ride they'd probably never leave home! If I still lived at home then I would be paying rent at least, I would see it as helping out my parents in return for the fact they fed, clothed and kept. A roof over my head, it's the least I can do to help them out. As it happens I don't live at home because once I went to uni I liked my independence a bit too much (and my sister moved into my room).

My parents made the mistake of not charging my sister anything when she moved back last summer as she was saving to go travelling but they've realised that she does need to start making some kind of contribution when she returns. Tbh I can't see my sister moving out anytime soon, she's most likely going to stay at home and enjoy the benefits, they've made a rod for their own backs there.

jackieblack

schwam66 wrote: »

honestly now would the water and electricity be THAT much different? surely once your child moves out the bills arent all of a sudden going to be cut in half are they? food i can see would come down, but again not that much, how often is an 18 year old working full time eatting at home.....2 maybe 3 days a week? dont know my kids arent anywhere near that age yet but when i was 18 i sorted myself out i never had super waiting for me or anything like that so i cant imagine the food would be that much of an issue......

Maybe not in half, but I guess it depends how many people are living in the house. The more there are, the less noticeable the drop one person leaving will make.
There are currently 3 of us in our house.
This is what I'm anticipating:
Water - we're on a water meter. So that's currently 3 showers a day (and 18 year old girls spend longer in the shower than both parents combined) 3 people flushing the toilet and 3 bowls of washing up each day. When DD goes to Uni in September our water bill should go down by at least a third.
Electric - our teenager is constantly glued to some kind of electronic gadget, laptop, tv, xbox, hair straightners etc. I don't think there's many minutes when she's home that she hasn't got something plugged in, even when she's asleep she's charging her 'phone.
Now, we have solar panels so this covers most of her electric use during the day, but most people don't.
Food - yes, there are some meals she's not here for, but just as many when her boyfriend's here eating with us so once she goes to Uni I'm expecting food bill to go down by a third.

So yes, I am expecting the food and water to go by around a third and for our winter electric and gas bills will go down as well, but by a smaller amount.
There also won't be as much laundry which will also contribute to reduced water and electric.
Plus, 'Mum's Taxi' won't be required as often

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

Would your relationship with your child become like landlord/lodger though?

There's an unspecifiable value/cost to living with family compared to independently in a shared place.

That's why I wouldn't charge them the full market rate.

For the last 8 months we've had living with us my husband's best friend. My husband has refused to charge him rent. This particular friend spent 20 years sponging off his grandmother, living rent free. He then had a disastrous attempt at home ownership resulting in him being repossessed last November. Since then he's been sponging off us. He has now promised that he's going to leave - his plan is to move in with his brother where he will be paying below market rent, presumably until he runs out of money again and his brother boots him out (and if he turns up on our doorstep and hubby lets him in I'll file for divorce).

You categorically do not do your kids any favours if you let them live with you rent free.

Soleil_lune

I think it obviously depends on the circumstances, and how much the young person is getting. But I think it's highly irresponsible to let them live board-free.

Of course the parents will still have sky tv and the internet and everything when the child leaves, and they are clearly not depending on their child to pay for it, but it's only fair that their child contributes something to the household; especially if they are earning, because they are benefiting from all the things in the household.

There is no reason on earth to not charge your children board if they are earning. It doesn't have to be a lot, but to let them live board-free is mad IMO.

And accusing parents of using their kids as 'cash cows' is one of the daftest comments I have heard on MSE. In fact, there have been some pretty daft posts in the last page or two of this thread.

Person_one

whodathunkit wrote: »

It's not a question of paying any extra household costs (although those might well be over £150 a month) but of paying your share of them. It basically comes down to a question of fairness and treating your adult children as equals.

How many adult children living in their parents' homes are actually treated as equals though? They aren't flatmates after all, they don't get an equal say in household decisions, plenty of them still have to live by their parents' rules of wishes.

whodathunkit

jackieblack wrote: »

Maybe not in half, but I guess it depends how many people are living in the house. The more there are, the less noticeable the drop one person leaving will make.
There are currently 3 of us in our house.
This is what I'm anticipating:
Water - we're on a water meter. So that's currently 3 showers a day (and 18 year old girls spend longer in the shower than both parents combined) 3 people flushing the toilet and 3 bowls of washing up each day. When DD goes to Uni in September our water bill should go down by at least a third.
Electric - our teenager is constantly glued to some kind of electronic gadget, laptop, tv, xbox, hair straightners etc. I don't think there's many minutes when she's home that she hasn't got something plugged in, even when she's asleep she's charging her 'phone.
Now, we have solar panels so this covers most of her electric use during the day, but most people don't.
Food - yes, there are some meals she's not here for, but just as many when her boyfriend's here eating with us so once she goes to Uni I'm expecting food bill to go down by a third.

So yes, I am expecting the food and water to go by around a third and for our winter electric and gas bills will go down as well, but by a smaller amount.
There also won't be as much laundry which will also contribute to reduced water and electric.
Plus, 'Mum's Taxi' won't be required as often

Our lad used to turn the central heating on after we'd gone to bed or he'd use a fan heater in his room and fall asleep with it on! You've also forgotten the mounds of washing teenagers can produce, particularly when they try on clothes, throw them all over the floor and then put them in the dirty bin.