child paying keep/rent

schwam66

tillyenna wrote: »

My mam says her food bill trebles when my brother is in the house (he lives there part time). She's a single woman, on a diet most of the time, eats very healthily, and small portions, doesn't eat a lot of meat and cooks very wisely. My brother's a paramedic and a special in the police, both very active jobs, he's a 26 year old bloke, and he could eat a horse every day... I'm not joking. He's skinny as a rake and usually has 4 meals a day.


Also, my mam is on a water meter... so the cost of water goes up a LOT when he's home. And as she points out, the electric bill goes up too; if she's on her own at home, she's usually just in one room of the house, and only has her reading lamp on - and uses the fire so she doesn't need to pay to heat the whole house, my brother on the other hand works odd shifts, so is often awake during the night, watching TV, playing on his playstation - and his room doesn't have a fire in it, so in winter she needs to put the heating on. (my room doesn't even have a radiator *sob sob* but it's in the attic, so it's still the coolest room in the house!)


So yes - dependant on your situation, the bills can go up a LOT. For example, if the OP is a single woman with an 18 year old son - he is going to be consuming a LOT more food than she is...


(for the record, I totally love my brother, I think he does two very worthy jobs, and does NOT take my mum for a ride, but this is just to prove that her bills MASSIVLY go up when he's home)

where does he stay the other part of the time then?

does she not have the heat on for you!?!?!? sounds like child neglect right there....fair enough if there isnt heating in the attic its likely your choice to be up there but surely the rest of the house should be of a decent temperature for you?

18 year old DAUGHTER** even if it was an 18 year old kid he isnt going to be eating what a 26 year old is eatting working two jobs...

i may have missed it but nowhere in your post did it mention how much your mother charges him, based on that i would assume its nothing.......and THAT is love, that is the reason you have children, to provide and take care of them, not hussle him as soon as he comes home for 150 cuz the sky bill and tv license need paying...he is obviously working hard trying to better himself and she sees that, he isnt working 2 jobs for the fun of it, obviously is working hard to get what he is after i assume a house of his own, which as my lovely friend onlyroz has so wonderfully pointed out is hard to do your mother realizes it will take time...can you imagine if at 18 she said 'yo jimmy where is my £200' he would be that much further behind.....

you watch now....in about 20 minutes 6 ppl will come on saying' he is working two jobs he should be paying double!! you fool' blah blah blah....they dont get it, one just has to hope the kids they are hitting up for cash to subsidize what they have been paying all them years anyway, will get it and hopefully not pass it onto their children....

onlyroz

schwam66 wrote: »

your crazy to compare a 18 year old kid with a middle aged man.....and even more crazy to be on here telling me and other ppl that have children to make them pay there way at such a young age yet your not charging this middle aged man anything!

If I had my way we would be charging him. Fortunately he'll be out of our hair for good in a week or two.

rant rant rant

Yawn. Has school broken up yet?

tillyenna

schwam66 wrote: »

where does he stay the other part of the time then?

does she not have the heat on for you!?!?!? sounds like child neglect right there....fair enough if there isnt heating in the attic its likely your choice to be up there but surely the rest of the house should be of a decent temperature for you?

18 year old DAUGHTER** even if it was an 18 year old kid he isnt going to be eating what a 26 year old is eatting working two jobs...

i may have missed it but nowhere in your post did it mention how much your mother charges him, based on that i would assume its nothing.......and THAT is love, that is the reason you have children, to provide and take care of them, not hussle him as soon as he comes home for 150 cuz the sky bill and tv license need paying...he is obviously working hard trying to better himself and she sees that, he isnt working 2 jobs for the fun of it, obviously is working hard to get what he is after i assume a house of his own, which as my lovely friend onlyroz has so wonderfully pointed out is hard to do your mother realizes it will take time...can you imagine if at 18 she said 'yo jimmy where is my £200' he would be that much further behind.....

you watch now....in about 20 minutes 6 ppl will come on saying' he is working two jobs he should be paying double!! you fool' blah blah blah....they dont get it, one just has to hope the kids they are hitting up for cash to subsidize what they have been paying all them years anyway, will get it and hopefully not pass it onto their children....

Wow, you've clearly never encountered teenagers - they eat WAY more than someone in their 20's - regardless of gender


(and not that it's any of your business, but my brother studies in another city part time, so he lives with his girlfriend some of the time - although now his course has finished he's moving back in full time)


Attic conversions often don't have installed heating, also, I'm a (very nearly) married woman who doesn't live at home anymore...


And yes, my mother does take nothing from us, she's had to take out a second mortgage - and she never has any money to enjoy herself with, and you know what... I feel bad about that! I couldn't STAND to live with her and not pay her rent - seriously, I've made a point now I'm working to pay back anything she 'lent' me whilst I was at uni, knowing full well that she'd intended it as a gift, because I hate to see her struggling financially, working two jobs to make ends meet, exhausting herself physically and emotionally, just because she's got some silly attitude about needing to support her children even though we're both adults now!


Yeah, ok, an 18 year old might not WANT to pay rent... I certainly wouldn't have considered it had I been living at home at 18 - but I think, should the circumstances have been that I lived at home, and didn't pay anything because of that attitude that you and my mother seem to share - then once I left home, became financially independent and more socially aware and could see exactly what my mother had sacrificed then I'd feel DREADFUL for not having paid her - I feel bad enough as it is having 'borrowed' money from her. I know my brother feels the same, he can't really afford to pay her anything as most of his pay from being a paramedic goes on petrol to drive to whatever ambulance station he's posted at in the country - and he feels really bad about the fact he can't pay much "keep"


so yeah - think about how it might make your kids feel.

whodathunkit

maman wrote: »

I think that's the conclusion I've come to.


There are a few horror stories on here obviously based on offspring/friends/family who aren't financially responsible.


I've not been in that position and have posted about ensuring our DDs were financially savvy from a young age.


A couple of things have struck me: I said I was a bit ignorant of benefits. Having only ever received Child Benefit I had no idea that some people could be £150 a week worse off when a child stopped formal education. That's one hell of a subsidy for having children! but it made me perhaps understand a bit why some feel the need to 'charge' their children for continuing to live in the family home. That being said though, except for food and in some cases council tax I can't see how the household bills are that much different from what parents would have to pay if the child left home.


Then there was a comment about the difference between a child of 1 compared with 41 and someone said that at 41 they'd expect the child to be looking after the parent. I have grown up children and I'd never expect them to be looking after me, especially financially. We still 'treat' our grown up children whenever we can just as my parents did for me. I know it's not always the case but generally the older generation have less financial commitments (mortgage, children, progressing in the job market) so I'd want to help out whenever I could.


So pleased that this thread has taken on a bit of balance. I began to wonder if I was the only one who didn't want to take money from their children.

When most people are in their 40s and probably at the height of their earning powers, their parents are likely to be retired and living on a much reduced income. I would have been ashamed, as a working adult, to take money from my pensioner parents although I let them "treat" me in non financial ways. They knew they could always come to me for help with an exceptionally large bill (for example) although their pride wouldn't have let them in any normal way.

There are over a million pensioners in the UK who still pay for a mortgage after retirement and, of course rent doesn't stop just because you leave work. In addition, many pensioners have additional health related expenditure as well as needing to pay for help in the house or garden at times.

You may not be in any of these circumstances and neither am I, but millions are. The bank of mum and dad shouldn't be open for all eternity.

schwam66

tillyenna wrote: »

Wow, you've clearly never encountered teenagers - they eat WAY more than someone in their 20's - regardless of gender
.

hahahahaha, so a 18 year old girl is wolfing down 4 meals a day like your bro eh??......hahahaha

schwam66

whodathunkit wrote: »

When most people are in their 40s and probably at the height of their earning powers, their parents are likely to be retired and living on a much reduced income. I would have been ashamed, as a working adult, to take money from my pensioner parents although I let them "treat" me in non financial ways. They knew they could always come to me for help with an exceptionally large bill (for example) although their pride wouldn't have let them in any normal way.

There are over a million pensioners in the UK who still pay for a mortgage after retirement and, of course rent doesn't stop just because you leave work. In addition, many pensioners have additional health related expenditure as well as needing to pay for help in the house or garden at times.

You may not be in any of these circumstances and neither am I, but millions are. The bank of mum and dad shouldn't be open for all eternity.

no one is saying it is, as you say a 40 year old should be able to take care of themselves by then, but what maman was replying to was the fool that thought just because the kid is 40 they arent their child and arent still going to look after them should something arise....

would assume it would be a very rare situation if a 40 year old would need help but if all of you are hitting your 18 year olds up for a 1/3 of their wages it prolly wont be that rare for you.....

maman

whodathunkit wrote: »

When most people are in their 40s and probably at the height of their earning powers, their parents are likely to be retired and living on a much reduced income. I would have been ashamed, as a working adult, to take money from my pensioner parents although I let them "treat" me in non financial ways. They knew they could always come to me for help with an exceptionally large bill (for example) although their pride wouldn't have let them in any normal way.

There are over a million pensioners in the UK who still pay for a mortgage after retirement and, of course rent doesn't stop just because you leave work. In addition, many pensioners have additional health related expenditure as well as needing to pay for help in the house or garden at times.

You may not be in any of these circumstances and neither am I, but millions are. The bank of mum and dad shouldn't be open for all eternity.

There are so many different sets of circumstances both on these boards and in the world at large that it's impossible to be definitive.


What I see often is that many pensioners (60s and 70s rather than the extremely elderly) have lived through times when employment was plentiful but spent all disposable income rather than making provision for retirement. Many have even taken equity out of houses so prolonging the mortgage to buy cars and holidays. I have little sympathy with these.


Conversely, many young people are having families later so will still have children at school and university when they're in their 40s and 50s.


Interesting debate but OPs question was about 'keep'. I feel strongly that I want to give to my children not take and, due to financial prudence, I find myself in that position. My children never ask it just gives me pleasure to do it.


tillyenna it must be so hard for you. I fully understand your mum's attitude, it's not silly at all but she sadly doesn't seem to have the income needed to do what she'd like.

Carmina-Piranha_2

onlyroz wrote: »

What you want and what you can actually do are often two different things. Here it says that 26% of 20-34 year olds still live with their parents:

http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/family-demography/young-adults-living-with-parents/2013/sty-young-adults.html

With increasing house prices and rents this figure is only going to rise. And if it becomes the "norm" to have your adult children living at home then I think it should also become the "norm" for them to pay an adult share towards the household running costs. As I said above, not necessarily the full market rate but genuine and worthwhile contribution, while they save up enough to find a place of their own.

It's not just about how much gas/electricity/water they use. By staying with mummy and daddy they might be preventing them from downsizing to a cheaper property, which would have a knock-on impact on their retirement age and pension income. It would be utterly selfish of a full-time working adult to expect their parents to continue to give them an unlimited free ride.

They don't get a free ride here, but they are not paying market rent. Mine are not working full time though. The 17 year old is still in college. I want him to be in college, I'm not going to take rent off him. I will continue to get child benefit for him.

One works part time and gives me £45. He's 18 and he left 6th form part way through knowing that I'd want £45 per week from him. If the 17 year old left college I'd expect the same from him.

So, the circumstances change according to age and what they are doing. If they worked full time then they would be buying their own clothes and shoes, and I'd probably want £50 rather than £45. Christmas and birthday gifts would become token gifts rather than those of a parent to a dependant child. We are a young family and are not thinking of downsizing yet, and I think £50 covers food and utilities.

They both want a room of their own, so they won't be staying here forever. If they were still here at the age of 21 then things would change, unless they were in uni. But the age at which it becomes fair to pay their adult share of the bills is not 18 in my opinion. It would be a gradual thing, depending on their income and also upon how much I felt that I should still be supporting them.

onlyroz

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

They both want a room of their own, so they won't be staying here forever. If they were still here at the age of 21 then things would change, unless they were in uni. But the age at which it becomes fair to pay their adult share of the bills is not 18 in my opinion. It would be a gradual thing, depending on their income and also upon how much I felt that I should still be supporting them.

I would never charge a child still in education (whether college or uni) and I wouldn't expect them to have to get a part-time job either while they were still studying. But if they were in full-time work and still wanted to live at home then I'd probably charge them half the "going rate" for a room rental.

jaylee3

onlyroz wrote: »

If I had my way we would be charging him. Fortunately he'll be out of our hair for good in a week or two.

Yawn. Has school broken up yet?

Yep there is DEFINATELY at least one teenager on here, (who joined the site about 10 days ago.)

They are obviously a teen, hence their rants about how utterly disgraceful it is that parents charge their young adult children board. :rotfl:

Only a fool or someone with more money than sense lets their adult working children live board free. What kind of example is THAT setting to them? That living is free! How idiotic.

Some comments from a certain user on here make me wonder if they are just on here to stir the pot, because I find it hard to take the stupid things they say seriously...