child paying keep/rent

Robisere

Person_one wrote: »

Excuse me? I believe you are confused.

Person_one you are quite right, I apologise and I was aiming at the wrong target, Sorry!:o

It was of course Lily rose whose comments incensed me.

I am really sorry about that, believe me. I should learn to look twice before I post!

lazer

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

I don't think you meant Person one ...

Again, mentions (not by person one) of getting all the washing done for you ... why? Do all of you parents of young adults on here do their washing for them? Surely everyone knows how to work a washing machine before the age of 18 ... how would they manage if they went to uni?

Not wanting to take money off your kids is one thing, but continuing to do their washing for them like they are helpless primary school children is quite another! I generally cook for my teenagers because they eat with us, but aside from the whites wash I don't feel the urge to do their washing for them. I'm not their maid. I want them to reach adulthood with some idea of how things work in a household.

It makes sense for a household to do their washing together - that way it is all full loads, and only need the one clothes bin etc

Robisere

whodathunkit wrote: »

Assuming that he was claiming JSA I don't see any "of course" involved in not paying for keep. JSA is intended to cover food, utilities and general living costs, not as pocket money for the claimant.

Well I recently made a mistake by not thinking before I posted.

Now you have made one by not knowing all the facts. DS was desperately trying to find work and he was spending a fortune keeping an old Skoda on the road so that he could find work, which he did. The amount of work that he did for us whilst he was unemployed, included several jobs that the rest of us had no time for. You missed the mention that we were all working, in my case often 7 days a week. All of us, including his sister, missed that when he went back into employment.

I would have had to have paid a lot of money for some of the work to someone else: the house was old and needed quite a lot of work, DS made a big contribution there. And it wasn't "pocket money" - he hardly socialised whilst he was out of work, all he could spare went towards touring around, looking for work. Occasionally he would find a little farm work, the money from which he offered but I refused and preferred that he go out somewhere for once.

We were then, as now, a very close family and we would all do what we can for each other. If you reread my post, you will know why I say 'what does not kill you, makes you stronger!'

Mojisola

lazer wrote: »

It makes sense for a household to do their washing together - that way it is all full loads

This is what we do. If DS needs stuff washed, he'll make up a full load with some of ours and we'll do the same.

Domayne

A comment from one the over grown children. ...
I'm 29 - 30 in october and I still live my parents. I've been paying £250 a month for the last ten years for rent - personally I don't think this is enough as we live in london which is crazy expensive and both of my parents are unemployed.
I've tried upping this to £300 a month at least but my mum won't take it so I buy her little treats or buy things for the house when I see we need it.
I love living at home because. ..well its my 'home' I've lived there forever, my parents are easy to get along with and don't give me hassle. The problem is, I'm quite ashamed to admit, I've always been spoilt. My mum does everything for me - cleans my room, does my washing and ironing, sorts out my bills and appointments (I pay for them, she just sorts them) does my shopping for me - like for birthdays and stuff she will go and buy the gift, i give her the money. my dad does all the cooking in the house and packs up my lunches for work. The problem I have is that, even when I TRY to do these things, my parents won't let me. Not in a mean way but I know they like looking after me and still feeling needed. But if I ever do move out, I don't know what I would do or what to do with an iron.
I really don't think my parents have done me any favors by not making me be responsible, I actually feel like they have held me back from being free and independent.

jaylee3

Domayne wrote: »

A comment from one the over grown children. ...
I'm 29 - 30 in october and I still live my parents. I've been paying £250 a month for the last ten years for rent - personally I don't think this is enough as we live in london which is crazy expensive and both of my parents are unemployed.
I've tried upping this to £300 a month at least but my mum won't take it so I buy her little treats or buy things for the house when I see we need it.
I love living at home because. ..well its my 'home' I've lived there forever, my parents are easy to get along with and don't give me hassle. The problem is, I'm quite ashamed to admit, I've always been spoilt. My mum does everything for me - cleans my room, does my washing and ironing, sorts out my bills and appointments (I pay for them, she just sorts them) does my shopping for me - like for birthdays and stuff she will go and buy the gift, i give her the money. my dad does all the cooking in the house and packs up my lunches for work. The problem I have is that, even when I TRY to do these things, my parents won't let me. Not in a mean way but I know they like looking after me and still feeling needed. But if I ever do move out, I don't know what I would do or what to do with an iron.
I really don't think my parents have done me any favors by not making me be responsible, I actually feel like they have held me back from being free and independent.

This ^^^ You actually sound like quite a nice person to be fair, And at least you have the gumption to admit that your parents spoiling you has done you no favours.

At least you do pay for your keep though. As some people have suggested on here, it's a very bad idea to let your youngsters not pay a thing. It gives a bad impression (that you can get everything for free,) and also, again as some have said, not many can afford the opportunity to let their young live for free.

Person_one

jaylee3 wrote: »

This ^^^ You actually sound like quite a nice person to be fair, And at least you have the gumption to admit that your parents spoiling you has done you no favours.

At least you do pay for your keep though, as some people have suggested on here, it's a very bad idea to let your youngsters not pay a thing. It gives a bad impression (that you can get everything for free,) and also, again as some have said, not many can afford the opportunity to let their young live for free.

But…that poster has been paying £250 a month for 10 years. They aren't exactly a shining example of how charging your children a decent amount of 'keep' is the best thing for them, are they?

jaylee3

onlyroz wrote: »

The general opinion of students is that they should be able to live rent free at their parents. Surprise surprise.

That would be like asking prisoners if they think they should be released early, or job-seekers claimants if they thought they should have to look for a job, or pensioners if they thought that they should receive their state pension.

:rotfl::T I know right.

jaylee3

Person_one wrote: »

But…that poster has been paying £250 a month for 10 years. They aren't exactly a shining example of how charging your children a decent amount of 'keep' is the best thing for them, are they?

They are certainly more of a 'shining example' than someone who is spoilt and doesn't pay their way.

FBaby

All the ones who say this are selfish little gits who want to keep all their money to themselves, they think it's NOT FAIR that they have to pay board, and they don't give a rats that their parents are having to foot the bill for everything.

Meanwhile they squander their wages on booze, fags, kindles, ipads, clubbing, clothes, macbooks, iphones, other extravagant nonsense, travelling, and generally behaving like an irresponsible !!!!!!.

They are all naive and know NOTHING about life, and how much everything costs.

Gosh, why so much bitterness? This description is quite stereotypical and I don't think representative of all young people whose parents might be able to help.

There is nothing wrong with parents who have been able to do well with their career/financially and are able to help their children financially if they so wish to do so. It's all about expectations. I should be in a position that if my children even needed to be back at home for some time, I would need to charge them board. What it would come down to is whether they would expect to come home and pay nothing, or whether they would consider it right that they should contribute, but the reality is that I wouldn't need the money and I would want to gift it to them somehow.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what Paye' mother did. She taught her the responsibility of monthly payments for her bill, but ultimately, if she didn't need it, and then decided she wanted to give the money as a gift as a house deposit for instance, then why is that so wrong?

I'm in my 40s and my parents still treat me and the kids regularly even though we don't financially need it. They have the money and it makes them happy. I am very strict about teaching my kids the value of money. They only get pocket money if they do a list of things and it is done well. They know that you have to earn things, but like my parents I expect I will help them on occasions when they are adults. In any case, I can't imagine my husband and I agreeing for them to still live at home unless they are doing so to save towards something worthy and they are either studying purposely or working (or temporarly in between).