Nice People 12: Nice in Nice

Yorkie1

Generali wrote: »

Churchill described York ham as being the highest stage of evolution for the pig. Nom.

But of course!

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think it's because women recognise the sub-text that this sort of behaviour often feels threatening - not just rude, but potentially scary.

I remember once explaining to my brother when he was about 15 that he should (IMO) take care not to walk down a road with a group of mates after a lone woman, particularly at night. My Bruv would never hurt a fly - but having a group of men following you is terrifying.

It is something about not having the prior experience (either personally or through someone you know) to give you the awareness of how your actions might impact on another.

neverdespairgirl

I exchanged texts with Spirit today - she's still in hospital, but moving soon to a rehab bed. Feeling a bit better, although obviously still quite upset.

neverdespairgirl

I think you are right, Yorkie. I don't think it was my Bruv's fault, he'd never even thought of hurting a woman, so it didn't occur to him that he might appear scary once he was big enough.

I meant it as an example of how quite normal behaviour (walking down the street) can seem threatening under some circumstances.

Masomnia

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think you are right, Yorkie. I don't think it was my Bruv's fault, he'd never even thought of hurting a woman, so it didn't occur to him that he might appear scary once he was big enough.

I meant it as an example of how quite normal behaviour (walking down the street) can seem threatening under some circumstances.

It has occurred to me before when following (in the perfectly innocent sense of walking in the same direction!) women that I might be perceived as a threat. More than once I've noticed women look over their shoulder at me, then look again, and again.

Not a lot you can do really. In that situation I've just sort of slowed down and hoped that wouldn't be too obvious.

neverdespairgirl

Masomnia wrote: »

Not a lot you can do really. In that situation I've just sort of slowed down and hoped that wouldn't be too obvious.

Cross the road and walk on the other side?

Slowing down helps, it's obvious then that you aren't trying to catch her up.

Generali

If I'm walking down a street with a lone woman than I either speed up to overtake or slow right down.

I think you should speak to the store manager. If (s)he won't do anything then approach head office.

Generali

Hey Spirit. I'm thinking of you over here. Hope the recovery is continuing well.

neverdespairgirl

NP thread now having an impact on dinners here - we had smoked haddock tonight nom nom

zagubov

I am expecting depletion of the fridge as DD has returned temporarily.;)

LydiaJ

GDB2222 wrote: »

Women are not the equals of men. Women are far superior.

No

lostinrates wrote: »

I think equal is fine. Equal and different IMO.

Yes

lostinrates wrote: »

Yes, viva's ok, she'll be about soon, just otherwise occupied. No need to worry, far from it. .

lostinrates wrote: »

I think if a woman were not rattled by this I would agree there are other ways to tackle it, but to say ' ignore' or ' its you' after so long is unfair. It sounds a bit hippy, but I really feel lots of women have instincts about such situations, sometimes only after bad experiences or relationships or age, sometimes much savvier girls get them younger. The times I've ignored mine and thought 'it's been me' or taken the Eleanor Roosevelt line have been the times I've ended up crying over spilt milk, or had 'lucky' escapes. I'd rather I and the women I care about listened to their instincts than didn't. If its the yellow sticker guy who 'couldn't possibly do anything but snigger' , or some one in their friend ship circle , or the most decent guy anyone knows. If your hackles rise, or you feel bullied like this over a series of months, do something if you can, and if you cannot then bloody well trust yourself and keep safe.

This. Every time.

Most women, I think, also have an instinct for when the man they're in relationship with is saying things that don't add up. Some very lucky women (like my Greater Manchester friend) pick well right at the beginning, get married when they are still young to men who are consistently on the level and never trigger the "not adding up" feeling. The rest of us generally begin by letting the man persuade us not to believe the feeling, and then have to learn the hard way that the instinct is a lot more reliable than what the man says is true. Moderately lucky women learn this on short term relationships and then pick more wisely for a longer term commitment. Slow learners like me take many years to realise.