Nice People 12: Nice in Nice

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

....

All this and

LydiaJ wrote: »

...

All this

As a woman we've seen/experienced this stuff all our lives - and, carried to the nth degree, it's the same savage behaviour/thinking that ultimately leads to the concept of "honour killings".

We're there for their merriment, an object, to be disrespected by whichever method the belly-crawling and nauseatingly gross man chooses at that moment - as an action of power.

We see it, we experience it, in many ways, most days - spoken to differently, treated differently.... little things that we know/recognise that can't easily be written/explained. But they exist - and sometimes one will make you feel rotten - and sometimes it's several in a row .... and it's not good.

It's real, it exists - and it happens to 99% of women, regularly enough for us to all agree.

PasturesNew

silvercar wrote: »

Men see him as a prat. Full stop.

Women see him as a prat, but worry that the next stage will be him following her out of the store. He already feels comfortable making a joke at her expense in ear shot, which is not acceptable behaviour. He does it because he can; so the thought, on both sides, will be what else can he do.

And this.
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PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

Doglet is fine, thanks. Did I mention she was kidnapped last week? She was waiting for me outside a shop, and a terribly nice girl decided Doglet must be a stray, took her home, fed her, and only then telephoned the number on the collar. Then, rather shame-facedly brought her back to the shop. Doglet was perfectly happy, and she got fed.

That's hilarious - and sad - and good - and bad ... all in one.

But you forgot the important bit that we're all DYING TO HEAR: .... what sort of b0ll0cking did your Missus give you when you slowly went home, practising your excuse.....?

Doozergirl

I've not checked in today, sorry. Very busy work day followed by taking the Doozer for a surprise birthday treat.

I need some London knowledge. Funeral tomorrow. I have bought my friend a lovely print but in true style, have not organised frame. I need an A3 frame, somewhere reliable between Chiswick and Crystal Palace. Would anyone have a suggestion, please?

If I have time I could do John Lewis at High Wycombe. The might be most sensible.

Amazing what thinking out loud on the internet can do

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

All this and


All this

As a woman we've seen/experienced this stuff all our lives - and, carried to the nth degree, it's the same savage behaviour/thinking that ultimately leads to the concept of "honour killings".

We're there for their merriment, an object, to be disrespected by whichever method the belly-crawling and nauseatingly gross man chooses at that moment - as an action of power.

We see it, we experience it, in many ways, most days - spoken to differently, treated differently.... little things that we know/recognise that can't easily be written/explained. But they exist - and sometimes one will make you feel rotten - and sometimes it's several in a row .... and it's not good.

It's real, it exists - and it happens to 99% of women, regularly enough for us to all agree.

All this, yet, it doesn't get me down nor feel that its been a limiting factor to me in particular apart from things like making travel plans or routes.

Edit: I was once made redundant from a job I didn't really care about after making a complaint about a senior member of staffs behaviour. Other women also hated it but when they were questioned denied it bothered them but NOT that it existed. The guy apologised to me for not getting my sense of humour, and then I was made redundant.

Actually of course, its not-not my sense of humour, but not how he was doing it, to bully and humiliate. He proved the point we are making exactly, with none of my boundaries crossed, he drove this point of superiority home.

Masomnia

Has anyone heard from Viva? Don't think she's posted in a while.

I totally see what you're saying about complaining. I can only speak for me personally, but I think I'd feel even weirder going in and knowing the person in question had had a rollocking from their manager after I'd complained; I'd be wondering if they'd known it was me etc.

It's very personal how you'd react to things. My view is that the guy could only get to me if I let him. The problem there though I suppose is that he gets away with it and does it to someone who is bothered, like Nikki.

neverdespairgirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

I've never understood everybody's obsession with ham. I often feel as if I'm the only person in the world who never eats it/doesn't like it.

There are a lot of Jewish NP types, and more who have Jewish family members. A decent proportion of those will not eat anything pig-like because it's not Kosher.

And the parts of the world that are Muslim are low consumers of it, too.

I've never liked anything pork / ham / bacon related anyway, so not having it in the house is no problem for me.

lostinrates

Masomnia wrote: »

Has anyone heard from Viva? Don't think she's posted in a while.

I totally see what you're saying about complaining. I can only speak for me personally, but I think I'd feel even weirder going in and knowing the person in question had had a rollocking from their manager after I'd complained; I'd be wondering if they'd known it was me etc.

It's very personal how you'd react to things. My view is that the guy could only get to me if I let him. The problem there though I suppose is that he gets away with it and does it to someone who is bothered, like Nikki.

Yes, viva's ok, she'll be about soon, just otherwise occupied. No need to worry, far from it. .

I think if a woman were not rattled by this I would agree there are other ways to tackle it, but to say ' ignore' or ' its you' after so long is unfair. It sounds a bit hippy, but I really feel lots of women have instincts about such situations, sometimes only after bad experiences or relationships or age, sometimes much savvier girls get them younger. The times I've ignored mine and thought 'it's been me' or taken the Eleanor Roosevelt line have been the times I've ended up crying over spilt milk, or had 'lucky' escapes. I'd rather I and the women I care about listened to their instincts than didn't. If its the yellow sticker guy who 'couldn't possibly do anything but snigger' , or some one in their friend ship circle , or the most decent guy anyone knows. If your hackles rise, or you feel bullied like this over a series of months, do something if you can, and if you cannot then bloody well trust yourself and keep safe.

neverdespairgirl

GDB2222 wrote: »

It is odd how the men and the women here seem to regard this entirely differently. On the whole, the men seem far less incensed by this idiot's behaviour. I'm still not sure that I understand the reason for this difference?

I think it's because women recognise the sub-text that this sort of behaviour often feels threatening - not just rude, but potentially scary.

I remember once explaining to my brother when he was about 15 that he should (IMO) take care not to walk down a road with a group of mates after a lone woman, particularly at night. My Bruv would never hurt a fly - but having a group of men following you is terrifying.

ukmaggie45

silvercar wrote: »

Just about to replace DS2's inspiron 15, like that price but was thinking of getting him a faster processor.
http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Search/searchTerm/248%252F8307.htm

I think that's one of the ones I looked at in JL on Saturday. Keyboard keys felt kind of sluggish/slushy/not nice... So went for one of the 2 in my shortlist, both more than I really wanted to pay... :eek:

But prob not a problem for an undergrad who needs a nice computer. Though I didn't like the sort of rubbery finish on it either. But I'm picky! :rotfl: