Mum, 88, moving in, how much rent to charge?

Brighton_belle

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

I phoned mum last night but my sister answered the phone. She said that mum was watching Antiques Road show and it seemed a shame to disturb her... she will let her know that I called!
I have no idea what's on my sisters mind.

dx

I see this as the right response and what I would expect (and want) if I rang my mum and a sibling said she was watching a programme she really enjoyed.

xxdeebeexx

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I see this as the right response and what I would expect (and want) if I rang my mum and a sibling said she was watching a programme she really enjoyed.

Yep, you're right. I'm being daft.


I need to enjoy the break and get on with some decorating.


However, next time, if mum's watching a TV program, I will suggest that my sister puts the TV on pause while I have a quick chat.


dx

duchy

I wonder if your Mum feels that you've done your bit .....or even taken it to heart when you've been less than sunny (anyone who cares for someone can have a bad day) and wants to remove what she thinks is a burden from you and give you your life back ?

xxdeebeexx

duchy wrote: »

I wonder if your Mum feels that you've done your bit .....or even taken it to heart when you've been less than sunny (anyone who cares for someone can have a bad day) and wants to remove what she thinks is a burden from you and give you your life back ?

I hope she doesn't think that.
She could have a lovely life if my siblings were a bit more 'mum' centred and we all shared the privilege of caring for her.


All she needs is some different 'chat', help with the jobs that she can't manage anymore and someone to walk around the garden with her so that she can show off her plants. She is a delight (most of the time) but I need some help.


dx

valk_scot

What's happening with your mum's present house? Does she own it? If so, will it be sold and what will happen to the money?

xxdeebeexx

valk_scot wrote: »

What's happening with your mum's present house? Does she own it? If so, will it be sold and what will happen to the money?

Mum owns it.
I have no idea what will happen to it.


dx

whitewing

Does your mum actually like living on her own? I wouldn't like nights alone in the house (I'm a wimp).

xxdeebeexx

whitewing wrote: »

Does your mum actually like living on her own? I wouldn't like nights alone in the house (I'm a wimp).

I don't think she minds living on her own. She misses dad but she would miss him wherever she was.


dx

GobbledyGook

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

Wow, thank you for all your suggestions.


My sister lives 2.5 hour drive away. There will not be any 'popping'.


I phoned mum last night but my sister answered the phone. She said that mum was watching Antiques Road show and it seemed a shame to disturb her... she will let her know that I called!
I have no idea what's on my sisters mind.




dx

Where do your other siblings live?

That kind of move makes sense if 3 out of 4 siblings live near where your sister lives. If 3 out of 5 of you live where you/your Mum lived then it makes far less sense.

Is there other family? Does your Mum have friends? What support network does your Mum have at your sisters?

PasturesNew

I've not read all the replies, but when the mother was born/growing up it was common for the elderly relatives to live for free with their family members as they had no income. There was no pension whatsoever. If you didn't have money/income it was the workhouse until you died, or a relative taking you in. Those able to 'work', if lucky, could become a housekeeper to another family member that needed the help, in exchange for free bed/board.

If the mother is selling her house and banking it - and if the mother has a pension income - and possibly attendance allowance you'd be surprised how much income she might have. Also, don't lose sight of the fact that if she needs to go into a care home in 3-5 years' time then it's no good having sat on all that money ... might as well "liberate" some of it now.

In black/white, charging rent does seem "mean", with 20/20 vision looking backwards it can seem a "shame" that more of her lifetime of accumulated wealth didn't end up in the pockets of her family.

I am undecided as to whether charging rent is to save the mother some dignity, to prevent all her money going on care fees from 2016 to 2025 ... or whether the daughter's just got £££ in her eyes.

I just hope that mum is happy wherever/whatever she decides and is happy with the financial arrangement and isn't being financially abused by a strong character.

These are tough decisions for anybody to make.