Mum, 88, moving in, how much rent to charge?

justme111

Op seems to have an agenda in asking this question as her post is not just a question , she goes on how she.was looking after mum scrimpung and saving (what does it have to do with the question), how much her sis earns and how disgusted she is . I would say that family seem to have far bigger issues than rent .
On topic - it is not charging rent , it is contributing to household as a person who has income and lives rent bill and shopping free. I am sure every pare.t will be only happy to help with contriution he/she can . If they could not (for example foreign with no pension) I am sure children would jot serve.them notice , the wording "rent " is just plain wrong in this case.
My dad lives with me , he transfers £100 a month to my bank account and really he could not care less if his whole.pension.was paid straight to me and I moved him in with me when I had no idea he was going to get local pension that would compensate for increase in bills and food , that's how it should be but it is not applicable in op's case as it us not her who is making arrangements for care now and she seems to have a massive ship on her shoulder .

Morglin

Gavin83 wrote: »

I was going to make this point. Why is it acceptable to charge your children rent but not your parents?

Well, I "charged" my kids a small amount, when they started full time work, to teach them that we all have to pay our way in life.

But, I put the money into a little savings account, and gave it back to them the day they left permanently, as a little 'nest egg'.

Lin

dancingfairy

It might be worth chatting to ageconcern to see if they can give any help/advice especially if you are concerned she is being pressurised into making a decision and that things have been going missing. They may be able to suggest an intermediate or help your mum speak up for what she wants and needs.
df

Lily-Rose_3

person_one wrote: »

not to mention that its not always the idyllic big happy family it sounds like. In setups like that across several cultures its often the younger women bear the brunt and do nearly all the caring work involved, with much less impact on the men of the family.

Very good post. :T

In fact it's more than likely to NOT be the idyllic 'Waltons' type of set-up that it sounds!

growler834

Why is your sister wanting your mum to go live with her? From what you say your mum is pretty independent except for loving the company & her meals cooked for her. Does she have any care needs? Is she starting with memory loss (ie dementia)? Or is she healthy for her age?

If your mum has health issues that require care, who will care for her when your sister & bil are at work? Is sister happy to provide future care for your mum? Does mum own her own home & is sister hoping to get her to sell it & give her the money as she is now providing mum with a place to live? In which case sister needs to be very careful - if mum should require care in the future, especially in a nursing home, she will be financially assessed & if sister has taken mum's money she leaves herself open to being accused of 'deprivation of assets' by the Local Authority.

Having mum move in whilst she is mobile & independent is all well & good but there will come a day when mum's health will deteriorate & sister may not have thought about that. As others have said, you need a family meeting with an independent 3rd person to ensure that mum's wishes are taken into consideration along with her needs & what your sister can provide now & in the future. Also ensure that all financial arrangements are agreed & documented so that mum gets the best care in the future when she needs it.

xxdeebeexx

growler834 wrote: »

Why is your sister wanting your mum to go live with her? From what you say your mum is pretty independent except for loving the company & her meals cooked for her. Does she have any care needs? Is she starting with memory loss (ie dementia)? Or is she healthy for her age?

If your mum has health issues that require care, who will care for her when your sister & bil are at work? Is sister happy to provide future care for your mum? Does mum own her own home & is sister hoping to get her to sell it & give her the money as she is now providing mum with a place to live? In which case sister needs to be very careful - if mum should require care in the future, especially in a nursing home, she will be financially assessed & if sister has taken mum's money she leaves herself open to being accused of 'deprivation of assets' by the Local Authority.

Having mum move in whilst she is mobile & independent is all well & good but there will come a day when mum's health will deteriorate & sister may not have thought about that. As others have said, you need a family meeting with an independent 3rd person to ensure that mum's wishes are taken into consideration along with her needs & what your sister can provide now & in the future. Also ensure that all financial arrangements are agreed & documented so that mum gets the best care in the future when she needs it.

Thank you for such an excellent reply. All your points are very valid and had not crossed my mind.
Mum is relatively well at the moment. She suffers from a painful back and needs to manage this with paracetamol. She manages her own insulin. Unfortunately she has recently started suffering from memory loss, but it's not too severe.


She cooks and cleans for herself, and on a good day could drive herself to the shops.


My sister plans to hire a nurse to look after mum, and someone to help with the chores.


That's all I know.


dx

xxdeebeexx

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Maybe your sister has good intentions but because you don't like her, you're interpreting them negatively.
She's suggesting a way to help you financially that may be at some cost to herself.

After all, it's part of her eventual inheritance your mum would be paying, solely to you, in rent and thus reducing the pot.

Someone truly selfish who only thinks of money would not want you to receive any money that's coming out of that pot. She'd want as much for herself as possible.

Yes, you may be absolutely right, she may have good intentions but she hasn't talked openly about her plans and in any detail.
Mum has been left out completely!
I don't receive any money for looking after mum, not even carers allowance.
I don't think my sister is planning on meeting any of the costs herself.


I don't dislike my sister. I don't trust her completely (she has let me down too many times) and I don't like what she does sometimes.


dx

xxdeebeexx

Frugal_Freya wrote: »

It was only a couple of years later that mil admitted her daughter had charged her £400 a month rent plus £30 a week for food and £50 a month petrol contribution (we're talking 10+ years ago). It made me so angry. I would not dream of asking a relative for a penny in such a situation!

I know it happens and I'm worried that it might happen to mum.


As a couple of posters have already said, she might not be telling us the same things and I'm not sure what she really wants. Also I'm sure that her 'wants' can change from day to day.


My attitude is ' let things be until mum knows her own mind.'
If my sister wants to do more then she could easily come to visit and take mum out and about - lunch, garden centres and so on and maybe help do a few odd jobs such as decluttering , washing down paint work.


dx

xxdeebeexx

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Yes, I'm sorry, that came out a bit more harshly than I intended!

Thanks for that


dx

meritaten

I wouldn't dream of charging mum 'rent'. even though I paid 'board and lodge' when I started earning..........I realise that was her way of readying me for the 'realities of life'.
if mum wanted her 'special diet' of cakes biccies etc, which I don't normally buy, then I would just take her shopping with me and let her pay for her 'treats'.
and my OH earns less than the national average - not in the bracket OPs sister is in by any means!