Mum, 88, moving in, how much rent to charge?

GobbledyGook

Tbh OP what your sister and her husband earn isn't really relevant. People can earn very little, but save well and be very good at finding bargains and those with a high income can squander eyewatering amounts. Either category can be debt laden through living beyond their means.

The issue is what is best for your mother and what she actually wants?

Are you the only two siblings? You could really do with a family meeting with your mother and sibling(s) where you sit down and have an in depth conversation about what is going to happen.

The thing you need to watch out for as well is that your Mum might be telling your sister she's happy with the idea and telling you she's not - sometimes parents are bad/good at telling their children what they think the child wants to hear...

Marshmallow82 wrote: »

Surely the threads about that mean adult offspring, 18+ who didn't fly the nest.

To charge an elderly parent rent would be more comparable to charging a 5 year old rent, not a fit and healthy 20 year old with a salary.

Surely it depends on the elderly parent? When my Nana moved in here she had her pension and two pensions from my Grandad. Her income was higher than mine (although not than my husband's at the time).

Charging an elderly parent with an income is no different to charging a 20-year-old with a salary. Probably less problematic - my Nana was never made redundant when she lived with me, but my BIL was!

Sometimes not charging a working 'child' any sort of contribution seems to lead to an unrealistic expectation of what kind of spare cash they 'should' have (that seems to be an issue for lots of people in general it seems).

raven83

There is a big difference in charging a child rent and charging someone who is elderly and coming to the last years of their life.

For a start, a young person should pay a small amount of "rent" not only to cover the cost of food etc, but also it sets them up to prepare for when they fly the nest. And most parents charge their kids rent because once they get 18 they lose any child benefit they get for them and if the parents salary isn't great then if seems only fair. But charging someone who is that old and probably costs very little to keep ( unlike growing kids in their late teens ) especially when the salary is this high, seems really immoral, personally. I would feel ashamed if I was them.

lvm

I think unless it's going to cost your sister a significant amount to car for your Mum (alterations to home, private care, nursing etc) then I agree with most others in that there's no way they should be charging.

I regularly have some very interesting conversation with an older Pakistani friend of mine and in Pakistan, you'd find it very difficult to find an "Old People's Home" because they believe that parents look after their children when they're young, they support them when they move out and make a family of their own then the children take over and look after their parents in their later years.

I personally can't wait until I'm in a position where I am able to support my parents when they've retired and are a bit older.

Peter333

raven83 wrote: »

There is a big difference in charging a child rent and charging someone who is elderly and coming to the last years of their life.

For a start, a young person should pay a small amount of "rent" not only to cover the cost of food etc, but also it sets them up to prepare for when they fly the nest. And most parents charge their kids rent because once they get 18 they lose any child benefit they get for them and if the parents salary isn't great then if seems only fair. But charging someone who is that old and probably costs very little to keep ( unlike growing kids in their late teens ) especially when the salary is this high, seems really immoral, personally. I would feel ashamed if I was them.

:T Great post.

Peter333

lostinrates wrote: »

Not necessarily. Older generations might have far more wealth behind them than younger ones. For example, in op's case its very possible her son's might find it harder to get on the property ladder that her parents or she did.

Hmmm I guess you do have a point. And I guess some elderly 'may' have a good income. That's why I said it would be OK for them to contribute something to the household.

But to actually charge them rent just doesn't sit well with me at all.

I do think that it is more acceptable to charge a young adult child, but as I said, not necessarily a lot. As 'raven' said, quite often, people will lose several hundred a month in tax credits and child benefit etc when their child hits 18, so it's often necessary to charge them something when they are earning. I don't see why they shouldn't be charged something. As I said, the scenario of my colleague beggars belief. Seriously.

trollopscarletwoman

I'd love to charge my parents rent.

I can't though-they're dead.

Seriously I would never dream of charging rent to take up a room in my home.

They did enough for me to supply them with whatever they need within my means for nothing. Only a debt being repaid.

Easy for me to say of course-I can't do it!

lostinrates

lvm wrote: »

I think unless it's going to cost your sister a significant amount to car for your Mum (alterations to home, private care, nursing etc) then I agree with most others in that there's no way they should be charging.

I regularly have some very interesting conversation with an older Pakistani friend of mine and in Pakistan, you'd find it very difficult to find an "Old People's Home" because they believe that parents look after their children when they're young, they support them when they move out and make a family of their own then the children take over and look after their parents in their later years.

I personally can't wait until I'm in a position where I am able to support my parents when they've retired and are a bit older.

Don't they often have a good attitude to setting young new families up debt free too though? Enabling them to be in a position to do this in later life with stability established?

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Don't they often have a good attitude to setting young new families up debt free too though? Enabling them to be in a position to do this in later life with stability established?

Not to mention that its not always the idyllic big happy family it sounds like. In setups like that across several cultures its often the younger women bear the brunt and do nearly all the caring work involved, with much less impact on the men of the family.

DigForVictory

Get a neutral third party into play - & sort PoA, a Will & "the legalities" *before* she moves?

Let's not start on 'elder abuse' but make ssure mum has options if she doesn't like the loss of autonomy.

"Of course" may be a nominal sum to keep husband sweet, even if tuppence seems far too high.

I'd add that my Gran was formidably independent until she went to live with my aunt - as soon as she no longer had to look after herself, the sharp edge was lost & within months she *needed* the care.

I wish you, your mum & your sister the very best of luck.

Paypeanuts

I have to say, if my husband's mother wanted to live with us permanently, rather than the odd two months she currently does, she'd have to pay....and whatever she paid, it wouldn't be worth it!!!
The loss of privacy etc is huge....if your BIL and sis are doing it for the money, all I can say is it's the hardest money they will ever earn...