Family members being difficult :(

Buzzybee90

duchy wrote: »

What kind of relationship do you have with your partner ? Frankly it sounds like you have never had one.

There is 0 need to be nasty.

ja89

duchy wrote: »

Yes you are in the wrong.
You are taking an inappropriate interest in a child with whom you have no blood tie or claim upon.
You are not the child's aunt-and your brother and his GF owe you nothing. They are six months into a relationship- so presumably you have known the child even less time than that.
You have no rights.
It is unclear who you tried to be loyal to .
As for "asserting his dominance" He is in a relationship with the mother of the child and appears to be protecting them both from your insistance that you can insert yourself into their (the mother and child) lives uninvited.
The swimming incident was a big hint to you that you were overstepping the mark but you seem to be ignoring it.

I assume you don't and haven't yet had a serious relationship - when you do you'll realise -until you do just focus on widening your own life so you don't feel so tempted to step on your brother's toes.

The parent child dynamic is considered primary in our society. Even a true aunt doesn't have the right to demand they be included in the nuclear family unit the way you seem to be insisting you should be.

The mother has said she was feeling depressed and crying all the time. Being the kind person I am, I thought I'd help her out and give her a break from her son so she could relax a bit as she sounded stressed/overwhelmed. I could've just left her to get on with it and not do anything like most would, but I couldn't, because I felt sorry for her that she may do something daft.

duchy

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

There is 0 need to be nasty.

Oh good grief - not everyone thinks that it is nasty to say someone isn't in a relationship. Some people actually judge people on who they are - NOT if they are sleeping with someone or not.

The OP sounds incredibly immature and appears to have no relationship experience -It's not a case of of saying "Na na you don't have a boyfriend" it is a case of saying -you don't have the experience of relationships to understand why what you are doing is so inappropriate .


Sheesh !!!! ( Did I really have to explain that to a grown up ???)

ja89

duchy wrote: »

Oh good grief - not everyone thinks that it is nasty to say someone isn't in a relationship. Some people actually judge people on who they are - NOT if they are sleeping with someone or not.

The OP sounds incredibly immature and appears to have no relationship experience -It's not a case of of saying "Na na you don't have a boyfriend" it is a case of saying -you don't have the experience of relationships to understand why what you are doing is so inappropriate .


Sheesh !!!! ( Did I really have to explain that to a grown up ???)

The world would be such a kinder place without people like you in it.

duchy

ja89 wrote: »

The mother has said she was feeling depressed and crying all the time. Being the kind person I am, I thought I'd help her out and give her a break from her son so she could relax a bit as she sounded stressed/overwhelmed. I could've just left her to get on with it and not do anything like most would, but I couldn't, because I felt sorry for her that she may do something daft.

So you thought she might "do something daft" ? Like harm herself or the baby do you mean ?
Of course you alerted your brother to the fact that his girlfriend and her child were in danger .....didn't you ?

The thing is- even if you did a kind thing for her- it doesn't automatically mean you can insert yourself into her family. she isn't under an obligation to you. If she wants to include you - that's lovely but it isn't a given . One kind act is just that-it may be the seed of a beautiful new friendship- but it isn't the whole blooming tree- That takes time- and you've known each other a very short time. You went too fast and presumed - Back off a bit- be a kind friend but don't make demands and let things develop naturally not in a forced way.

duchy

ja89 wrote: »

The world would be such a kinder place without people like you in it.

Oh I can be kind I can sit here and tell you that your brother is a big meanie and you are sooooo right. Pat you on the hand and give you the sympathy you want .......or I can tell you where you went wrong so you can see how to mend the situation and everyone can move forward and maybe you can be the sort of auntie you want to be in the future.

Choice is entirely yours.
Wallow away -or realise it isn't all about you , apologize for coming on too strong to your brother and his girlfriend (odds are if you do he'll apologize for losing his temper too)- and start over. That is what your parents mean when they say they want you to talk to your brother. They want everyone to be happy and to hopefully become a happy extended family in time.

It takes a big person to admit they got it wrong-but you can be that person.

thorsoak

ja89 wrote: »

Well...no apology I was hoping for one but he pretended like nothing had happened. I was very distant and just chatted with their little boy and wanted to prove a point I suppose. I love that kid though and they both know this and it made me even more angry that my brother tries to use him as a weapon even though he's not even his child. Made me long for a family of my own. I want that so badly

When you have a relationship of your own, and when you have your own child, then you may realise that your feelings at the moment are over the top. I'm still not excusing his use of bad language - but you do need to re-think your own attitude towards this child. Frankly, to me, it is bordering on unhealthy!

maman

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Where did she refer to him as her nephew?

Sounds like getting serious quickly runs in the family!

SuzieSue wrote: »

A few years ago, it was usual for children to call their parents' friends aunty and uncle. I'm sure it still happens so there is nothing for the mother to be offended about. Unfortunately, some people go out of their way to be offended.

I don't recall you referring to the LO as your nephew but I do think you're getting in bit deep with someone who is IMO a relatively recent fling for your brother. I was surprised when you described the GF as his fianc!e. I know whirlwind romances happen but generally people take a bit more time before committing themselves.


I don't think you've behaved badly but I'd take a step back and go totally cool on them, especially in view of the way your brother spoke to you which IMO is unforgiveable.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

You are not the child's aunt-and your brother and his GF owe you nothing.

They owe her civility, they owe it to her not to call her a c*nt and be abusive and aggressive with her.

The rest is all incidental compared to the brother's despicable reaction to it.m

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

So you thought she might "do something daft" ? Like harm herself or the baby do you mean ?
Of course you alerted your brother to the fact that his girlfriend and her child were in danger .....didn't you ?

The thing is- even if you did a kind thing for her- it doesn't automatically mean you can insert yourself into her family. she isn't under an obligation to you. If she wants to include you - that's lovely but it isn't a given . One kind act is just that-it may be the seed of a beautiful new friendship- but it isn't the whole blooming tree- That takes time- and you've known each other a very short time. You went too fast and presumed - Back off a bit- be a kind friend but don't make demands and let things develop naturally not in a forced way.

I must remember never to invite my friends or relatives with children out, or to suggest activities together. I'm now mortified that I've been invading their families for years!