Family members being difficult :(

ja89

My brothers fiancee and I are good friends, she has a child from another relationship. He is 3 and I absolutely adore him. I mentioned to his fiance if we could take him on the weekend to the indoor water park nearby and she said she doesn't know as my brother is busy, but she'd ask him anyway. I never heard from them and on the weekend she put up photos of facebook of them at the water park .

I was really hurt and upset and the next day mentioned to her that i was hurt. She said they were just passing it anyway after going for lunch so it was a spur of the moment thing. We had a chat and resolved things and were fine.

The next day her fiance (my brother) tells me if I have a problem with them going places I should tell him, not his fiancee. He then said if I did it again he would do everything to stop me from seeing her little boy and his fiancee. He called me a c word a few times and said that I'm a nuisance to his girlfriend and invading on their relationship. She said before she was depressed all the time and so I thought i'd help her out with babysitting and take her and her son out for meals, and this is the thanks I get.

What should I do in this situation?

FBaby

Leave them to be. If they can't appreciate how lucky they are that you are so opened to accepting her son into the family and actually wanting to spend time with him, then it is their loss.

I think you did the right thing by mentioning it. If she got upset, it is because she knows what she did was unkind. I certainly wouldn't make more of an effort, and when they desperately need a babysitter so they can go to that very special concert, i would say that it is such a pity that you just happen to be busy that evening.

RAS

Keep out of it entirely.

Then if their relationship flounders it is not your fault.

Do NOT report back to the fiancee the comments from your brother.

whitewing

I would explain to your brother that he is never to call you the C word again.

If your brother works and only has weekends off, then I can understand a bit that they may want to be in their own little huddle then.

You obviously have great ideas if they have used your idea for a day out.

I would be hurt in your situation but I think you can find a way forward that suits everyone if you don;t get too oversensitive at their thoughtlessness and unkindness.

System

What a lovely brother you have :undecided

Person_one

You need to tell your brother in no uncertain terms that the way he spoke to you was completely unacceptable and you won't tolerate it. If no apology was forthcoming I'd be in no hurry to speak to him again.

piglet25

She went squealing to your brother and he thinks its acceptable to speak to you that way? Tell them both to sling their hooks net time they want a favour

arbroath_lass

If the fiancee had posted about her partner's sister interfering she'd have been told her partner should deal with it. She'd have been told it is his family and she should keep out of it.


I think you over-reacted about this wee family having a day/afternoon out without you. Just because you suggested the place doesn't mean they can't go without you.


For what it's worth, OP, your brother should not have shouted at you or called you names but, is it possible, you have latched on to this woman? Perhaps because you've both been depressed. You said before you struggle in social situations.


Maybe it is time to back off a little and let your brother and his fianc!e be a family. By all means, talk to your brother about his attitude towards you but also let him know you only meant to be helpful.


I hope you can find a balance that suits you all.


Best of luck.

bagpussbear

ja89 wrote: »

My brothers fiancee and I are good friends, she has a child from another relationship. He is 3 and I absolutely adore him. I mentioned to his fiance if we could take him on the weekend to the indoor water park nearby and she said she doesn't know as my brother is busy, but she'd ask him anyway. I never heard from them and on the weekend she put up photos of facebook of them at the water park .

I was really hurt and upset and the next day mentioned to her that i was hurt. She said they were just passing it anyway after going for lunch so it was a spur of the moment thing. We had a chat and resolved things and were fine.

I would be hurt too. You say you are good friends, but that can't be the case, at least in her eyes - to put those pics on facebook knowing that surely you'd see them, is basically saying she doesn't care if you see them or how you react to them. That's not a good friend in my eyes.

Your brother's reaction is extreme, and it's simply not on to call you filthy names like that.

I wonder, however well meaning you have been OP, could it be that you have been a bit too interfering in their relationship, with her kiddy that would provoke such a reaction like that from your brother? or is he usually quite volatile?

Best for the moment at least just to back away and let them get on with it. She if she misses the contact with you.

dandelionclock30

I'd have nothing more to do with either of them as they sound horrid. If they were at my Mum/Dads then I would be polite and thats it.

spiritsfree

They obviously have problems by the way they communicate, so I would let them get on with it and wait for them to contact you....their loss !!
"Not your problem" !!