Family members being difficult :(

thorsoak

ja89 wrote: »

So they are all coming over tomorrow to see mum (I live at home with parents). Don't know if I should avoid them or what. Brother is acting like nothing has happened

In my opinion, that is what you should do! Don't bring it up again - but don't let it happen again. Don't let him talk to you the way he did, but don't try to come between his fiancee, her child and him. It is important that they create a strong family bond - you are on the periphery and that's how it should be!

Wirenth

Personally, I'd stroll out the door when they arrive, saying "Don't worry, the c@nt is going out..."

People will only treat you as badly as you will let them - and family are no different.

OverRated

Wirenth wrote: »

Personally, I'd stroll out the door when they arrive, saying "Don't worry, the c@nt is going out..."

People will only treat you as badly as you will let them - and family are no different.

I would also have to call him out on his behaviour, OP. I couldn't let someone speak to me like that and think you will tolerate it.

Person_one

"Brother are you going to apologise for the obscene and unacceptable names you called me?"

If the response is anything other than an unreserved grovelling apology, go out, have a drink or two, sit in the cinema, see a friend, but whatever you do don't let him get away with sweeping his behaviour under the carpet.

Do your parents know what horrible things he said to you?

BigAunty

ja89 wrote: »

So they are all coming over tomorrow to see mum (I live at home with parents). Don't know if I should avoid them or what. Brother is acting like nothing has happened

Does your brother have a history of being rude and abusive to people? Or just you? Or was his outburst and the general lack of civility shown towards your suggestion of an afternoon out a rare thing?

He seems to have managed to cow you because you haven't sought out an apology but seem to have expected him to have expressed remorse for swearing at you or not including you in their social plans?

ja89

Well...no apology I was hoping for one but he pretended like nothing had happened. I was very distant and just chatted with their little boy and wanted to prove a point I suppose. I love that kid though and they both know this and it made me even more angry that my brother tries to use him as a weapon even though he's not even his child. Made me long for a family of my own. I want that so badly

BigAunty

ja89 wrote: »

Well...no apology I was hoping for one but he pretended like nothing had happened. I was very distant and just chatted with their little boy and wanted to prove a point I suppose. I love that kid though and they both know this and it made me even more angry that my brother tries to use him as a weapon even though he's not even his child. Made me long for a family of my own. I want that so badly

You sound a bit immature, too timid to raise your issue directly, longing for an apology and then 'point scoring'.

You also make it sound like you are projecting your broodiness onto them, and yes, that is bound to make them hostile. You sound a little possessive.

And since he's cohabiting with the lady and engaged to be married, how dare you write off their highly likely decision that your nephew isn't his son, regardless of a direct biological link?

Perhaps it is this kind of attitude that made him find your presence in their family so repellent (but there's still no excuse for his abusiveness and petty behaviour by going on the social event you proposed without you).

Person_one

ja89 wrote: »

Well...no apology I was hoping for one but he pretended like nothing had happened. I was very distant and just chatted with their little boy and wanted to prove a point I suppose. I love that kid though and they both know this and it made me even more angry that my brother tries to use him as a weapon even though he's not even his child. Made me long for a family of my own. I want that so badly

Did you ask for an apology?

Person_one

BigAunty wrote: »

You sound a bit immature, too timid to raise your issue directly, longing for an apology and then 'point scoring'.

You also make it sound like you are projecting your broodiness onto them, and yes, that is bound to make them hostile. You sound a little possessive.

And since he's cohabiting with the lady and engaged to be married, how dare you write off their highly likely decision that your nephew isn't his son, regardless of a direct biological link?

Perhaps it is this kind of attitude that made him find your presence in their family so repellent (but there's still no excuse for his abusiveness and petty behaviour by going on the social event you proposed without you).

Jeez, talk about an overreaction!

The OP's brother shouted at her and called her a c*nt, for the crime of wanting to spend time with her soon to be SIL and nephew, and you're suggesting that its her whose presence is 'repellent'?

ja89

Person_one wrote: »

Did you ask for an apology?

No, I I thought he wouldn't need to be asked. Just really disappointed in him.