Daughter being victimised at school

slightlyconfused1

Hi
Fully sympathise with you and how you are feeling. When someone hurts my children I hurt long after the children themselves have got over it. DD had a bit of a hard time at primary school, her best friend left and she was left with no one. She was friendly but not friends with other girls and was often left out.

Things have got so much better in High School. She has more friends and is building a support network. She is beginning to see that if someone is horrible the problem lies with the other person not her. It's not perfect, the other girls are still at her sometimes but she is much happier. Happier DD = happier me.

FBaby

What surprised me with your post is that you are clearly very upset for your daughter (understanding) and coming here for shared sympathy for your daughter, yet you are showing no consideration at all for the fact that rightly or wrongly, your daughter has very much upset another girl. So it is ok for your DD to be very upset but the other girl is just being hormonal.

Yes you need to be there for your DD but you also need to teach her to show compassion for others. This other girl was clearly upset thinking that your DD was closer to her than she really is. What seems to have hapened to me is that the girl felt rejected, your DD didn't show much empathy, and as result, the other girls came in defense of the other girl.

My DD came home after she started secondary school in tears because one girl was being unkind to her. I know exactly how you are feeling, it is really hard to see your child so hurt, but the only advice I gave her was to keep her head up and be sure to be nice with everyone, so that ultimately, others would come to her. It is exactly what has happened and by the end of the year, that girl and her became best friends.

vasseur

FBaby wrote: »

What surprised me with your post is that you are clearly very upset for your daughter (understanding) and coming here for shared sympathy for your daughter, yet you are showing no consideration at all for the fact that rightly or wrongly, your daughter has very much upset another girl. So it is ok for your DD to be very upset but the other girl is just being hormonal.

Yes you need to be there for your DD but you also need to teach her to show compassion for others. This other girl was clearly upset thinking that your DD was closer to her than she really is. What seems to have hapened to me is that the girl felt rejected, your DD didn't show much empathy, and as result, the other girls came in defense of the other girl.

No - you have completely misunderstood. My daughter wasn't horrible to the other girl in the slightest. She simply wasn't playing with her. There was no malicious intent - she was playing 'Stuck in the mud' with the kids from the other class and this other girl wasn't - simple as that. The other girls didn't just come to the defence of the other girl - they are malicious busybodies who are the first to interfere in an argument. It actually had nothing to do with them. They have been this way ever since year R.

My daughter does have compassion for others. I know no one here knows her but she is always the first to make newcomers feel welcome and she is genuinely nice to everyone. When the others butted in and were nasty to her she tried to stick up for herself they turned that on her too saying 'Keep your hair on'. They started it! None of this would have happened if the 'hormonal one' hadn't started her drama queen act - and I will point out that as soon as she starts losing an argument she blames it on her hormones. God knows what it's going to be like when they are all teenagers and are all hormonal.

We've had another long chat this morning. I've told her to play with her true friends if that's what she wants to do and not feel pressured by the others and if they start another argument I will pop in and have a word with her teacher and get him to keep an eye on things.

Saint_Chris

<<I just want to smash these girls faces in>>


wow I do hope this aggression does not come across when you are talking to your daughter.
Kids will be kids, your child is not being victamised, your making a mountain out of a mole hill.


The best thing to do is to stay out of it and let the kids sort themselves out.
And remember your daughter will only tell you what she wants you to know....even kids do this.

vasseur

Saint_Chris wrote: »

<<I just want to smash these girls faces in>>


wow I do hope this aggression does not come across when you are talking to your daughter.
Kids will be kids, your child is not being victamised, your making a mountain out of a mole hill.


The best thing to do is to stay out of it and let the kids sort themselves out.
And remember your daughter will only tell you what she wants you to know....even kids do this.

I wondered when the self-righteous police would wake up.

If you'd taken the time to read the full thread you'd have seen that I said that in the heat of the moment. Am I not allowed to feel protective towards my child???

Your red font comes across as aggressive.

I am not making a mountain out of a molehill. My daughter was turned on by girls in her class when she hadn't even done anything wrong yet some of you are making her out to be the one who is to blame.

Saint_Chris

I do not understand why my font was red and I've somehow managed to change it.............
nobody is blaming your daughter, people are saying that there are 2 sides to every story........................including kids and that kids will be kids.


Yes you are allowed to be protective towards your child, but like I said over this small incident your making a mountain out of a mole hill......god help you when she goes to secondary school.


you was advised to sleep on it. and you said


<<You're probably right about the sleep.>>


then this morning you wrote this.


<<They ARE nasty catty little queens. >>
(btw writing in capitals is shouting)
So it seems you got out of the bed the same side you got into it,


you asked for peoples opinions on here, by posting so you can't expect everyone to agree with you.

peachyprice

vasseur wrote: »

I am not making a mountain out of a molehill. My daughter was turned on by girls in her class when she hadn't even done anything wrong yet some of you are making her out to be the one who is to blame.

Really, you are.

You daughter isn't being victimised, she's fallen foul of a group of catty 10yo's. This is how girls behave, they are nasty and it doesn't get any better once they hit their teens.

The best thing you can do is equip your child to deal with situations herself because this won't be the last time she encounters girls behaving like this.

And yes, there are two sides to every story, while your daughter may not be to blame you can bet your bottom dollar that she is not the 100% innocent party she's telling you she is. All girls are capable of being catty little queens.

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I'm so glad I never had a girl, nasty, catty little drama queens.

What a horrible thing to say about everybody else's daughters.

balletshoes

vasseur wrote: »

I'm sorry to have bothered you all with what you clearly think is a trifling little problem. I'm sorry if I sound stroppy but I have been dealing with an extremely upset 10 year old for most of the evening who has only just managed to get off to sleep. I came here for support as I have no one else here I can talk to. Clearly this wasn't the place to come.

heres the thing - this is not a support forum. It can be very supportive, very helpful, but thats not only what its for. Its a public forum, where you will get lots of different opinions and different points of view.

Of course you're upset because your daughter is upset, thats completely natural. From what you've said, everyone involved in yesterday's incident has been talked to by the school, including your daughter, U and the 3 nosy girls.

Your daughter hasn't, from what you've said, done anything wrong, she still wants to play with her friends A and B, so she should do that. Unless she or A and B actively dislike U for some reason, it might be an idea to ask U to join them to play at breaktime. That way she's made the offer to U to include her, and it may go one of 2 ways from there - U will not take her up on the offer because she was just trying to stir it yesterday, or she'll join the play and there will be no reason for any of them to get into any more drama in the playground.

I wouldn't discount U just being hormonally crazy - hitting puberty ahead of your peers makes you feel all sorts of things which could seem completely irrational to someone who's not there yet.

Buzzybee90

Just try not to get involved, at your daughters age I would have been very embarrassed if my mum was fighting my battles.