Daughter being victimised at school

vasseur

*Diva* wrote: »

its normal for you to feel anger towards anyone who would hurt your daughter, as a new mum I am over protective of my little one.
however this is "normal" school girl behaviour, they will have someone else to upset tomorrow. Your daughter has upset girl U and doesnt want to play with her. same way other girls have upset your daughter.




you should take this opportunity and tell your daughter that she should play with as many girls as possible as it isnt nice to only play with a & b just because they are her best friends as it upsets girl U.
what will your daughter do when a&b are off school?
school is about getting to know other people and playing and not having to worry about choosing friends. this kinda stuff obv doesnt matter in high school as she will have alot to learn.


smashing the 10 year olds faces in maybe something you want to do but obviously your not going to so just calm down. you are the adult. you just need to explain to your daughter that although other girls actions have upset her she needs to rise above it and ignore it as she is far too fabulous to give them any attention. the bullies will soon find something else to do

Thanks. I have told her all the above about getting on with everyone and not tying herself down to one friend. I think part of the problem was because a few months back U told dd that she didn't want her hanging round with her at lunchtime because she wanted to spend lunchtimes with another girl (Y) so dd goes off and spends time with A & B and now this happens - she can't win!

Obviously the 'smashing their faces in' was written in the heat of the moment. It's been a long day and I am tired and upset too.

vasseur

mountainofdebt wrote: »

tbh I think you both need a good night's sleep so that you can put things into perspective.

I thought from your initial post that it was a storm in a teacup situation and I doubt very much whether the girls have engineered the situation.

You're probably right about the sleep.

I would never underestimate how nasty 10 year old girls can be...wish they'd just fight and make up like boys do!

Buzzybee90

Playground tiff, she will be over it this time next week.

Spendless

I've got an 11 yo girl and they're always doing stuff like this. My daughters favourite whinge is that from time to time her best friend will decide to increase her friendship circle and says that my daughter can't play with them as that's the whole point of making new friends.

Whether it is or isn't true I've no idea. On a week when it;s gone off, it doesn't stop best friend ringing dd on a weekend to come over.

Maybe worth remembering that in a year or so they'll be at secondary and even if they are all off to the same one they'll be split into different classes, perhaps best not to not let someone join in.

sharnad

vasseur wrote: »

I'm sorry to have bothered you all with what you clearly think is a trifling little problem. I'm sorry if I sound stroppy but I have been dealing with an extremely upset 10 year old for most of the evening who has only just managed to get off to sleep. I came here for support as I have no one else here I can talk to. Clearly this wasn't the place to come.

You seem tone the ow having a tantrum about it. Tell your daughter to play with whoever she wants and if it happens again go see her teacher about it

seven-day-weekend

I'm so glad I never had a girl, nasty, catty little drama queens.

Just tell your daughter to say she is not taking sides (and then DON'T take sides) and to just keep repeating that when they are demonstrating their histrionics. They'll soon stop and then they will respect her more for behaving in a mature manner.

GwylimT

Girls fall out and !!!!!, I'm afraid this will be happening for quite a few years, especially with close friends!

vasseur

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I'm so glad I never had a girl, nasty, catty little drama queens.

Just tell your daughter to say she is not taking sides (and then DON'T take sides) and to just keep repeating that when they are demonstrating their histrionics. They'll soon stop and then they will respect her more for behaving in a mature manner.

This is exactly what I have told her. I think they are partly jealous that she has gone off made other friends and had the confidence to do it on her own.

They ARE nasty catty little queens.

vasseur

maya143 wrote: »

Personally I think you need to train her to sort her problem as we cannot always be around our kids to sort things for them. We need to make them strong to fight out their problems.

I know and this is what I'm trying to do. It's just heartbreaking to see your child so upset. Even the teacher said that 4 agaist 1 wasn't fair.

rach_k

I understand the irrational desire to inflict pain on anybody upsetting your child, no matter how trivial it may seem to others. Mama bear instinct!

I would firstly point out to your daughter that if the girls are complaining that she should be playing with them, it's actually because they LIKE her. Put a bit of a positive slant on it for her. They wouldn't bother if she was horrible! I'd go with what somebody else suggested - encourage her to play with everybody, either all together or at different times. My (much younger) daughter had a very intense relationship with her 'best friend', they wouldn't play with anybody else, barely even spoke to anybody else and it didn't do either of them any favours. It was really horrible when the other girl chose a new best friend - my daughter was left crying every day, begging to be allowed to stay at home. I did attempt to discourage only having one friend before-hand (not that I was listened to, I'm only a mum after all, what could I possibly know?) but now my LO understands that the more friends you have, the better things are.

Girls will be girls and as an outsider I don't think the girls are being too terrible to your daughter, although I know it's easy for me to say! I'd work on ways to deal with it with her. I'd speak to her teacher briefly just to ask them to keep an eye out but I'm sure it will blow over.