Daughter being victimised at school

vasseur

I don't know if anyone can advise on the best way of dealing with this...

My daughter (aged 10) came out of school this afternoon in tears after what appears to be half a dozen girls turning on her.

Long story short - she's in one class, her 2 best friends (B and A)are in another class and she plays with them at breaktimes and lunchtimes. A girl in dd's class (U) (who dd has never been particularly close to) started behaving all weird and upset today saying that dd had changed and why doesn't she play with her any more. DD said that she hadn't fallen out with her, just that B and A were her best friends and she liked playing with them. This girl burst into tears (she's v hormonal and has hit puberty already) and then 3 of the nastiest girls in the class saw, came over from the other side of the playground and got involved (they are always sticking their noses in arguments that don't concern them) and they too turned on my daughter saying that she'd changed and that she should be playing with them - I don't know when my DD became so popular all of a sudden. It all ended up with all the girls being given a talking to and my daughter and U had to make up.

My DD is now worried about who to play with on Monday. I told her to play with her best friends B and A but she is absolutely petrified that this row is going to happen again. I've told her to brazen it out and let them see that after all the intimidation she is still going to play with her best friends but she is just so worried. I know it all sounds so juvenile and ridiculous to adults but at the moment I just want to smash these girls faces in. This isn't the first incident and one of them apparently has now been referring to my DD as 'it'.

I want to have a word with the parents or the teacher but I feel that might make matters worse. I know she has to fight her own battles but she's my baby and as a single parent we're used to being a team.

It's so hard to see you child desperately upset and not knowing why people can be so damn nasty. She's a good girl who would never be nasty to others so she can't understand why people are like it to her.

What's the best way of dealing with this? I feel so miserable and helpless like I need to do something to nip it in the bud.

double_mummy

you need to let go and let your daughter sort this out she hasnt been hurt she hasnt been threatened she has had a falling out you better start getting used to this as she gets into being a teenager

pleasedelete

When was she victimised? Was it on another occasion? This is not victimisation. It is girls falling out. Leave it. If it doesnt blow over on Monday then reconsider. part of growing up.

vasseur

Perhaps my explanation was too brief. I didn't mention that she's always having things taken and hidden like her pencils and ruler. She's just been off for 3 days with tonsillitis and the way events unfolded today seemed to my dd that they (the other girls) had been discussing all this while she was off and decided that U would put on her drama queen act and it all kicked off from there. My dd is an intelligent girl who is otherwise confident and outgoing and not prone to overreacting.

*max*

I have to say that writing things like "I want to smash their faces in" about a couple of 10 year old girls who argued with your own in a typical show of playground politics is unlikely to win you much approval here.

double_mummy

vasseur wrote: »

Perhaps my explanation was too brief. I didn't mention that she's always having things taken and hidden like her pencils and ruler. this still happens to me at work it is idiots who forget their own equipment She's just been off for 3 days with tonsillitis and the way events unfolded today seemed to my dd that they (the other girls) had been discussing all this while she was off and decided that U would put on her drama queen act and it all kicked off from there. My dd is an intelligent girl who is otherwise confident and outgoing and not prone to overreacting.

so it seemed to her like that it doesnt matter even if they did this is going to happen more and more and you reacting like this isnt going to help her deal with things like this when they come up in future

vasseur

I'm sorry to have bothered you all with what you clearly think is a trifling little problem. I'm sorry if I sound stroppy but I have been dealing with an extremely upset 10 year old for most of the evening who has only just managed to get off to sleep. I came here for support as I have no one else here I can talk to. Clearly this wasn't the place to come.

savingmummy

I would speak to her teacher after school, or even write a note asking for a call back.

I`ve had some issues with my DD (8) being picked on continuously by a girl (name calling etc which left my dd devastated) and I informed the teacher via letter who subtly called a small group in (not just the girl and my dd) at break and got them to do some group bonding.
The teacher also done a talk to the whole class.


It worked, the girl has stopped and my dd and the group now play nicely now and again and interact much better.


ETA - They are children and this is all a learning curve for them.
I often tell my dd it only gets worse as you get older

*Diva*

its normal for you to feel anger towards anyone who would hurt your daughter, as a new mum I am over protective of my little one.
however this is "normal" school girl behaviour, they will have someone else to upset tomorrow. Your daughter has upset girl U and doesnt want to play with her. same way other girls have upset your daughter.




you should take this opportunity and tell your daughter that she should play with as many girls as possible as it isnt nice to only play with a & b just because they are her best friends as it upsets girl U.
what will your daughter do when a&b are off school?
school is about getting to know other people and playing and not having to worry about choosing friends. this kinda stuff obv doesnt matter in high school as she will have alot to learn.


smashing the 10 year olds faces in maybe something you want to do but obviously your not going to so just calm down. you are the adult. you just need to explain to your daughter that although other girls actions have upset her she needs to rise above it and ignore it as she is far too fabulous to give them any attention. the bullies will soon find something else to do

mountainofdebt

vasseur wrote: »

I'm sorry to have bothered you all with what you clearly think is a trifling little problem. I'm sorry if I sound stroppy but I have been dealing with an extremely upset 10 year old for most of the evening who has only just managed to get off to sleep. I came here for support as I have no one else here I can talk to. Clearly this wasn't the place to come.

tbh I think you both need a good night's sleep so that you can put things into perspective.

I thought from your initial post that it was a storm in a teacup situation and I doubt very much whether the girls have engineered the situation.

nearlyrich

vasseur wrote: »

I'm sorry to have bothered you all with what you clearly think is a trifling little problem. I'm sorry if I sound stroppy but I have been dealing with an extremely upset 10 year old for most of the evening who has only just managed to get off to sleep. I came here for support as I have no one else here I can talk to. Clearly this wasn't the place to come.

You are fine to come here just some people have different opinions and it can seem a bit harsh at times. Girls can behave horribly to each other and it is part of growing up not nice to see your child upset I know. When my DD was in a similar situation she asked me what she should do when x was falling out with y and wanted DD to take sides, I told her to tell them she wasn't falling out with anyone and it worked. Hope your DD is Ok on Monday you seem like a concerned parent and it's perfectly understandable that you want to protect your daughter.