Apparently I'm married - GF not happy!!!

FBaby

There is nothing I can do until I am back in work again. She knows this.

Really? Does she agree that you should be back at work first, or is it your own view on the matter? Even if you both intend on saving first to get a nice wedding, nothing is stopping you visiting different venues and start a budget. She might then feel that your engagement is the first step towards the real thing rather than a gesture to keep her sweet.

Glad I'm not the only one that noticed this trick women have - I thought i was imagining it lol

Ha ha, typical male analysis of the situation... you might want to consider that it has nothing to do with withdrawing sex as a form of control, just that many women don't feel up to sharing the joy of sex when they feel their partner are not up to sharing other joys with them.

KiKi

FBaby wrote: »

Ha ha, typical male analysis of the situation... you might want to consider that it has nothing to do with withdrawing sex as a form of control, just that many women don't feel up to sharing the joy of sex when they feel their partner are not up to sharing other joys with them.

In fairness, the 'trick' that the OP speaks of here wasn't about withdrawing sex - it was about being cross and not telling the other person what the problem was. That's what I was describing anyway. And that's a female perspective!

Beckyy

You can still plan, look at places and get a rough idea of what you want. It doesn't have to be big or expensive, just doing it could well mean more to her than having a massive expensive wedding. You get the same piece of paper no matter how much you spend.

TrickyWicky

FBaby wrote: »

Really? Does she agree that you should be back at work first,

No! Like most women she is quite happy at the thought of me spending imaginary money that I don't have (and can't access) and worrying about it another time.

Sorry FB but I am in a massive hole and there is nothing I am able to do about this at present. i am currently recovering from more surgery to (one down three to go) so the odds of even finding work with so much time off required is very low too.

My life feels like it's standing still yet people continue placing impossible demands on me..

victory

TrickyWicky wrote: »

No! Like most women she is quite happy at the thought of me spending imaginary money that I don't have (and can't access) and worrying about it another time.

Sorry FB but I am in a massive hole and there is nothing I am able to do about this at present. i am currently recovering from more surgery to (one down three to go) so the odds of even finding work with so much time off required is very low too.

My life feels like it's standing still yet people continue placing impossible demands on me..

It's not impossible to get married in a registry office or expensive.

It's not impossible to have a fantastic reception in a garden, yours or a guests.

It's not impossible to all muck in, call in favours, exchange trades to have an inexpensive day.

FBaby

I understand that you are not in the best place but are you sure you are not expecting a lot of understanding from her but mauve not as prepared to try to unattended her position. How long indeed have you been engaged? Even if you are not in a position to get married any time soon it should stop discussing it. I expect the reason she is cross is because she is back to doubting your intentions to marry her so find ways to reassure her you still mean to make her your wife and she will in return most likely give you the understanding you need from her.

martinthebandit

Think you are going to have to explain the difference between this

FBaby wrote: »

..........with withdrawing sex as a form of control

and this

FBaby wrote: »

............. to sharing the joy of sex when they feel their partner are not up to sharing other joys with them.

because they both mean using sex to get your own way.

justme111

martinthebandit wrote: »

Think you are going to have to explain the difference between this


and this



because they both mean using sex to get your own way.

Nope they don't. Because in a latter case it is just not feeling like it while in the former it is not feeling like it and wanting to get some benefits from not feeling.like it .

unholyangel

martinthebandit wrote: »

Think you are going to have to explain the difference between this


and this



because they both mean using sex to get your own way.

Theres a saying and while its not a rule that will apply to everyone, there is some truth in it.

A man needs sex in order to feel loved. A woman needs to feel loved in order to want sex.

Put quite simply, sometimes its not about control. Its about feeling unattracted to/unloved or unappreciated by your partner. In other words, its a turn off.

And being perfectly honest....women who use sex as a way to control their partner are no better than men who do nice things with a view to receiving sex :P

You should be considerate because they're your partner, not because you want to get your end away!

Kynthia

martinthebandit wrote: »

Think you are going to have to explain the difference between this


and this



because they both mean using sex to get your own way.

Is it really not clear? The former means using sex to get your own way, but the latter is about not having sex because you don't want to. Funnily enough women rarely want sex with someone they don't feel close too, loved by, or are angry with. Many men don't understand this and think the women are punishing them.