Apparently I'm married - GF not happy!!!

FBaby

because they both mean using sex to get your own way.

Let me explain then!
Using sex for control: ' gosh, I would love a good session tonight, I'm in the mood for it, but he needs to be taught a lesson and understand that if he doesn't give me what I want most, I won't give him what he wants most. It's satisfying anyway to see him not getting his way, now he knows how I feel'

and not sharing the joy of sex: 'I really don't know what to think any longer. I am starting to believe that he never intends on marrying me, he is just pulling me along so I can be in a good mood and give him no grief. It makes me feel rubbish and I am starting to question how much I can trust him. This is totally putting me off sex and I really am not in the mood for sharing that level of intimacy with him with those thoughts going through my mind'.

Hope it helps

FBaby

Is it really not clear?

I thought it was clear too, but maybe it is a 'women are from Venus, men are from Mars' thing!!

Seanymph

In the first one you assume a woman would like to have sex, but denies both parties the act to make some kind of point.

The second she just doesn't feel like it with him at that time for whatever reason.

You obviously can't tell the difference, which doesn't bode well for your relationship, because if a woman doesn't feel secure enough, loved enough, the level of trust needed for an intimate act - then obviously she will say no.

To be accused of 'witholding sex' to 'make a point' when she is already feeling misunderstood would, I suspect, make the situation even more polarised.

Generally speaking, and I'm a woman with women friends, if we've turned a fella down it isn't because we are right in the mood but making a point.

We are not in the mood because he's being a complete !!!!. And his saying we are doing it 'deliberately' and making it all about him - well, generally that doesn't help anyone's chances of getting laid.

ska_lover

TrickyWicky wrote: »

No! Like most women she is quite happy at the thought of me spending imaginary money that I don't have (and can't access) and worrying about it another time.

Sorry FB but I am in a massive hole and there is nothing I am able to do about this at present. i am currently recovering from more surgery to (one down three to go) so the odds of even finding work with so much time off required is very low too.

My life feels like it's standing still yet people continue placing impossible demands on me..

Sorry but the bit of your statement I have bolded, is absolute rubbish. You shouldn't generalise - and FYI a wedding doesnt need to cost thousands of pounds. There is no such thing as 'MOST' women would feel this way - and same can be same of men, we are all individuals with different goals and morals. You do sound fairly clueless about women in general.

I totally expect to get flamed for what I am about to say, after all, I am female myself.

I do not understand why she is having a strop or what the big deal is - that you have jokingly called her your wife.

It amazes me that she thinks that this negative behaviour is going to 'push' you into marrying her quicker/at all. Or indeed why she thinks ''having a strop and leaving you guessing'' is an attractive trait you are looking for in a wife. When a person is rushed/pushed into something - it rarely ends well and I believe she is trying to manipulate you.

You could spend the rest of your life wondering what crime you have commited, ever time a problem comes up - it is all games, witholding 'bedroom activities', having a strop, leaving you guessing etc, is all designed to mess with your head.

You two need to talk but IMO she sounds too immature to be getting married, if this is her standard way of negotiating a problem.

However, you DO sound like you are stalling. To get married, all you really need is the cost of the registry office, the legalities. What is that £150 - anyone? If you choose to wait and have a more expensive wedding, you can stall that for years and years, whilst 'saving' and that is your choice. I am guessing that your GF knows this already, and hence the reason for her behaviour

You two need to talk about what you really want - and if they honestly arent the same thing, then you have a bigger problem than not getting your end away pal.

Morglin

I agree with you - from what the OP says (and we are only getting his side), she does sound a stroppy little control freak. I wouldn't marry her either.....:eek:

The OP obviously doesn't want to get wed to her, and that's fine, but he needs to stop making excuses and just tell her!

Lin

purpleshoes_2

TrickyWicky wrote: »

No! Like most women she is quite happy at the thought of me spending imaginary money that I don't have (and can't access) and worrying about it another time.

Sorry FB but I am in a massive hole and there is nothing I am able to do about this at present. i am currently recovering from more surgery to (one down three to go) so the odds of even finding work with so much time off required is very low too.

My life feels like it's standing still yet people continue placing impossible demands on me..

Most women? Wow. Don't speak for the majority of us because thats how your gf deals with money.

FBaby

Morglin wrote: »

I agree with you - from what the OP says (and we are only getting his side), she does sound a stroppy little control freak. I wouldn't marry her either.....:eek:

The OP obviously doesn't want to get wed to her, and that's fine, but he needs to stop making excuses and just tell her!

Lin

Why asking her to marry him then after according to him he only did when he was ready for it?

ska_lover

Either way, they aren't ideal candidates for getting married, at this stage.

They have serious communication issues

atrixblue.-MFR-.

So are we talking about the same missus who has destroyed his life in another thread? the one takes all control?


marriage! im just cringing right now.

TrickyWicky

ska_lover wrote: »

Sorry but the bit of your statement I have bolded, is absolute rubbish.

Well it's no secret that women think nothing of spending money is it. Every single one I've known certainly has.

ska_lover wrote: »

To get married, all you really need is the cost of the registry office, the legalities. What is that £150 - anyone?

£150 more than I have coming in which is presently £0.

You admit to being a woman and accuse me of generalising. I must put it to you that you are indeed also generalising by making the assumption that I have this lowly amount to spend in the first place. You see my point? You've assumed that it's peanuts and that I have it and can spend it - even though I don't and can't.

Well done! You proved my point perfectly :cool:

Morglin wrote: »

The OP obviously doesn't want to get wed to her, and that's fine, but he needs to stop making excuses and just tell her!

I never said I didn't want to marry her. I asked her last year however since the more health problems came up that were caused largely in part by her refusal to let me have a second opinion / surgery years ago. The health problems now seem to be ongoing and at the time of proposing, I was unaware of there being anything else wrong. Move forward a few months and I'm suffering more complications.

FBaby wrote: »

Why asking her to marry him then after according to him he only did when he was ready for it?

As above. When I proposed I was unaware of other health complications being stored up for me due to her demands many years ago. Three months after I proposed and I've been rushed in by ambulance where they've diagnosed yet more surgery needs performing. Granted it wasn't life threatening (though had the potential to go that way if untreated) but it's really screwed up my life.