a fool in love

TrickyWicky

4given wrote: »

Thanks u all for your replies and those who think i'm a troll i wish it was that simple.I just feel guilty and because i can't talk to any of my friends about it i thought i might come here.

Sorry about the gang, MSE forum members are notorious for being a judgemental bunch. Sometimes I think it's better to post annonymously online - it's easier to talk to strangers about it than real people you know.

Can I ask why you got involved with the guy in the first place? I've often wondered what goes through a womans mind when getting into something like this - I've had a few try it on with me in the past despite myself having a partner (and them also having a fella) and I've never quite understood it seeing as most girls tend to hate cheats! What changes this and makes a woman accept a man who already has a long term partner?

If you really want to end it with this guy, you must be strong and forceful. You'll only continue to impose suffering and guilt on yourself if you don't.

Must admit I found myself in a fix recently. I met someone who I found to be very attractive - the sort I used to really like in my younger years. Nothing happened but I couldn't keep my eyes off the woman and when small talk time occurred she was certainly enjoying it despite my partner having been around earlier. I never did anything or made any move etc as I'm with someone but I got the impression she was up for it despite knowing I was with someone.

KatieDee

On the off chance that you're not a troll...

I hate to say it (and would more than likely disagree if it happened to me!) but although sleeping with somebody when you know they're in a relationship is lacking in morals, the OP owes nothing to the guys wife or him. It is the man in this situation who is committing the wrongful doing to his wife and he made a conscious decision to begin the affair.

That said, carrying it on when you know it will undoubtedly destroy his wife if she finds out is quite heartless. Perhaps you could try and focus on how damaging this relationship is to everybody involved. If it's just sex, then you should be able to move on relatively quickly and find somebody else who will give you the same thing.

If it's something deeper and you genuinely care for him, try and realise how this is over before it has even begun. If this man is being unfaithful to his wife who he has children with, what makes you think he would ever be faithful to his "bit on the side-come-girlfriend"?

I can almost guarantee that if his wife finds out about it, he will choose her over you. Not because there's anything wrong with you but because he has an established life with her. As another poster pointed out, affairs become a lot less interesting when everybody becomes aware of them, as the secrecy is 95% of the fun.

If you truly want to end it, I would follow the advice of the posters above. Cut yourself off from him and focus on yourself for a while until you forget about him. Much easier said than done, but you will most likely benefit you in the long run.

4given

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Sorry about the gang, MSE forum members are notorious for being a judgemental bunch. Sometimes I think it's better to post annonymously online - it's easier to talk to strangers about it than real people you know.

Can I ask why you got involved with the guy in the first place? I've often wondered what goes through a womans mind when getting into something like this - I've had a few try it on with me in the past despite myself having a partner (and them also having a fella) and I've never quite understood it seeing as most girls tend to hate cheats! What changes this and makes a woman accept a man who already has a long term partner?

If you really want to end it with this guy, you must be strong and forceful. You'll only continue to impose suffering and guilt on yourself if you don't.


Must admit I found myself in a fix recently. I met someone who I found to be very attractive - the sort I used to really like in my younger years. Nothing happened but I couldn't keep my eyes off the woman and when small talk time occurred she was certainly enjoying it despite my partner having been around earlier. I never did anything or made any move etc as I'm with someone but I got the impression she was up for it despite knowing I was with someone.

Thank you for your kind reply, I did wrong and I'm beating myself over it.If I could change the past believe me I would.I used to think I was a kind and moral person but I guess i'm not.I don't know what made me fall for him exactly but at that time I was flattered .I did speak to him about it at first but he obviously convinced me.A few friends I spoke to told me not to do it but I did not listen.Now I understand how it easily I made a wrong decision and I will have to live with it.I absolutely accept that I did wrong

4given

KatieDee wrote: »

On the off chance that you're not a troll...

I hate to say it (and would more than likely disagree if it happened to me!) but although sleeping with somebody when you know they're in a relationship is lacking in morals, the OP owes nothing to the guys wife or him. It is the man in this situation who is committing the wrongful doing to his wife and he made a conscious decision to begin the affair.

That said, carrying it on when you know it will undoubtedly destroy his wife if she finds out is quite heartless. Perhaps you could try and focus on how damaging this relationship is to everybody involved. If it's just sex, then you should be able to move on relatively quickly and find somebody else who will give you the same thing.

If it's something deeper and you genuinely care for him, try and realise how this is over before it has even begun. If this man is being unfaithful to his wife who he has children with, what makes you think he would ever be faithful to his "bit on the side-come-girlfriend"?

I can almost guarantee that if his wife finds out about it, he will choose her over you. Not because there's anything wrong with you but because he has an established life with her. As another poster pointed out, affairs become a lot less interesting when everybody becomes aware of them, as the secrecy is 95% of the fun.

If you truly want to end it, I would follow the advice of the posters above. Cut yourself off from him and focus on yourself for a while until you forget about him. Much easier said than done, but you will most likely benefit you in the long run.

Thank you for your reply, I think it's the thought of his kids that is making me feel guilty.I wish I had been wiser but like the title says i'm a fool

KatieDee

4given wrote: »

Thank you for your reply, I think it's the thought of his kids that is making me feel guilty.I wish I had been wiser but like the title says i'm a fool

We've all been foolish at least once, my dear

But now it's in your hands to decide what you want to do going forward. If you regain control over the situation, you might not feel so foolish.

Melonade

4given wrote: »

If I could change the past believe me I would.

No one can change the past but you can change the future. If the wife finds out and kicks your a**e then it's your own fault!!

Do the right thing.

meritaten

and some women LIKE married men. they know they wont have the 'boring' day to day' man. they like the clandestine part. a bit of excitement. and that is you isn't it?
so you now feel guilty and want to end it. but he talked you round. then you make up your mind its over. and you end it. no txts. no emails, no contact. Finish.
and move on. and don't take up with another married man. because by now you know they are using you.

FBaby

The few people I know who have started an affair, felt like you, riddle with guilt and wish they could turn back time, but struggling with all their might to stop it.

They say they started it because they fell in love, and that it was the fact that a man non available, supposed to be in love with someone was showing (with great intent) interest to them that made them curious to start with, and then thinking they could have a bit more without crossing the line before they got too far (usually after a few too many drinks). Once the harm is done, it doesn't seem as bad to continue, until remorse and guilt kicks in.

There is no soft approach to it. Either you really really want to stop it, or you don't, otherwise, it will only fail. You know deep inside that if you really are determined to stop it, it really is easy to do. Psych yourself up and cut ALL contact after telling him that's what you are doing, and then let time do its thing so you can move on and put this all behind you.

No need to say, don't ever put yourself in that situation again. The moment an unavailable man starts flirting, run a mile.

Pollycat

4given wrote: »

Thanks u all for your replies and those who think i'm a troll i wish it was that simple.I just feel guilty and because i can't talk to any of my friends about it i thought i might come here.I'm not looking for support but just for someone to tell me to be strong and end it.Snakey i especially like your answer.I value all of you and your opinions.I will from tomorrow ignore his messages and block him from my mobile.I know i was wrong and i never thought i would find myself in situation like this.

OK.
Here you go:
Be strong and end it.

You know it's the right thing to do.
I hope you really are ignoring his messages and calls.

duchy

So you went into this looking for "Fun"
So fun was -sex, having a shared secret , all quite exciting - and he knew you couldn't make demands on him because he has a wife and children- Fun for you both.

A year on - it isn't fun anymore -no more secret glances across the office ( who left by the way you or him- and why). Relationships evolve and grow - they start off fun and exciting and then in the normal course either peter out or grow stronger. Only yours can't grow because it has nowhere to grow to and you'll end up unhappy and lonely spending weekends and Christmas etc alone whilst your friends all settle down..........or bitter....... or maybe one day he WILL leave his wife and children and you'll be hated by his children and regarded as a marriage breaking biatch by people who know you.

Or you can end it. And find a bloke who wants you as number one in his life and not just a bit of ego stroking excitement-but whilst you are living this unfortunate half-life with your married man it isn't going to happen as what kind of decent bloke wants a woman who dates married men in his life . If you met a new man and he was having an affair with a married woman - would he seem less attractive to you because of that and you'd be less likely to consider him long term material ? Men are no different.

When you are tempted to reply to his messages - think about this -and good luck. You CAN do it !!!

Don't value our opinions- Just stop under valuing yourself. You KNOW you are deserving of better !!

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