Goodbye Bloater, Hello Boater.

MrBloater

Morning all. Am quite surprised by myself to be reporting in yet again to say I am still firmly planted atop the wagon of virtue - am down another 8lbs or so from this time last month - with a bit of a push I could end up at Christmas being the same size I was back in 2005. Knees are good, clothes are baggy (and plentiful).

The cloud is the begging bowl from Mrs B which is coming in at around £175 a month. Wish I could stop looking at it that way - it's just fate that most of the major payments for the house come out of my current account (mortgage, council tax, insurances etc), and it isn't any chauvanistic claptrap about her earning more money than me (she sure as heck deserves it and is brilliant in her job), it's just psychologically harming having to ask every month for this amount of money to cover the expenses, and kinda erodes away any enhanced self-esteem I have from being 3stone lighter than I used to bloat around at.

Have been under the cosh with flu all week but managed to go to work doped up to the eyeballs, just about function and then come home and crash - repeat ad nauseum and fuelled entirely by Lemsip and cherry tomatoes - nothing else seemed to want to stay down. Even Mrs B (who tends to dismiss anything short of major reconstructive surgery as being 'only manflu') was even impressed at my efforts. So it's just as well my employers know I am diligent and dedicated to the cause, because on Tuesday I emailed the big boss and told her I was looking for a new job (at place X) and if I did not get it, I would be looking for jobs of a similar ilk. Big boss replied that she would be very unhappy if I was to go. My colleagues were somewhat surprised by my decision - I have had no pressure coming my way, no sniper sights on my head and appear to be doing a pretty good job all round. My protestations that I needed a new challenge in a new sector sounded pretty hollow to everyone (myself included) and by the time Friday afternoon came around I emailed the big boss again to tell her I was not going to apply for the other job - which elicted a happy response from her and more importantly a sense of fixing a self-imposed problem for me.

I'm really not sure what I was playing at there - it wasn't brinkmanship or negotiation or making a stand - I wasn't trying to enhance my position at my current place, and to be fair I don't have reason to leave it either - it has got under my skin and I'm part of the scenery now. And here's the real kicker (which makes me think all the little lemony meds awash in my system were playing havoc with my brain) - the new job wasn't on a higher salary, in fact due to its location in the 'fringe' - it would have been less money than I am now.

So the plan has to be what it always should have been: keep out of trouble, keep chipping away at the total debt (down to 253k now) and keep hacking away at the weight (my quite realistic target now is to see the New Year in as a 19stone something weight tag on me - I am tired of the 20s and no longer wish to be in their gang).

Igamogam

Good to see you are still 'with us' Mr B.

My OH is in similar position to you re money/accounts/begging bowls/salaries. I have always earned more than him but we just see our salaries as 'household income' and dont really discuss who pays for what like some couples/families on these boards..............I really struggle with comments like 'my husband owes me £xxxx for the gas bill' In this household whoever has money in their account pays up! I tend to have the higher DDs on my account and the only thing I will not pay for is expenses connected to his expensive extreme sport hobby - that he has to save for himself! We run 2 cars through necessity but again who ever is at the petrol station/garage/keyboard to pay for fuel/repairs/tax/insurance etc on either car at the time, pays! We rarely have arguments about money..............

Ask Mrs B to set up a SO from her account for the £175, Then you dont have to ask and you can bask in your new found slim line self esteem:)

chevalier

Glad to hear that things are still going in a downwards direction. Especially your weight. That is excellent and your knees are surely thanking you for the weight loss. As to the money you have to get off Mrs B, why is this a problem? If it does bother you than use it as a spur to get that stuff listed etc.
chev

Verbatim

Really pleased and happy for you that you have found equilibrium. Long may it last. Fantastic news on the steady weight loss too. Any tips?
SO idea sounds good or joint account for bills?

beanielou

Verbatim wrote: »

Really pleased and happy for you that you have found equilibrium. Long may it last. Fantastic news on the steady weight loss too. Any tips?
SO idea sounds good or joint account for bills?

Seconded by me

lucielle

Well done Mr B. Keep it up.
L

in_need_of_direction

Loving the progress but know what you feel about the begging bowl as even though I earn more than oh, he isn't always organised where money is concerned and I have to ask him for a monthly transfer which I hate doing. Deep down, I know it's irrational but I still don't like it.

gallygirl

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Loving the progress but know what you feel about the begging bowl as even though I earn more than oh, he isn't always organised where money is concerned and I have to ask him for a monthly transfer which I hate doing. Deep down, I know it's irrational but I still don't like it.

I'm having the same internal struggle at the moment with Mr GG, Let's make a joint agreement to 'get over ourselves' .

Glad all going well Mr B. But I do miss your early morning adventures .

triple_choc_chip

Hi Mr B, fab news on the weight loss!

Definitely time for a joint account to pay ALL the bills. From your narrative it would seem that 100% of your income would need to go into this account, and ??% of Mrs B's. At least she would then be fully aware of the financial situation, of which I suspect at the moment she isn't due to your ability to avoid while hoping for a miracle.

Correct me if I'm wrong but if memory serves me right, you took a demotion and Mrs B gained a promotion but since then nothing has altered on the payments obligation front? If I were Mrs B I would be upset to discover my husband was struggling unneccesarily just because of MAN PRIDE! Conversation needed methinks.....

MrCrimeFiction

triple_choc_chip wrote: »

Hi Mr B, fab news on the weight loss!

Definitely time for a joint account to pay ALL the bills. From your narrative it would seem that 100% of your income would need to go into this account, and ??% of Mrs B's. At least she would then be fully aware of the financial situation, of which I suspect at the moment she isn't due to your ability to avoid while hoping for a miracle.

Correct me if I'm wrong but if memory serves me right, you took a demotion and Mrs B gained a promotion but since then nothing has altered on the payments obligation front? If I were Mrs B I would be upset to discover my husband was struggling unneccesarily just because of MAN PRIDE! Conversation needed methinks.....

Some of the best advice I have ever seen on here. Men, like myself, are men. Which mean we don't ask for help or money and that we think we can manage by ourselves. We can't. We need women, we need money and we need a hug :rotfl:.
As per everyone else, I would sit down with a cuppa and have a little chat

Well done on the huge weight loss. It's fantastic :j