My life has been destroyed by those closest to me.

z.n

Morglin wrote: »

I found leave husband, sort health worked, and I left the marriage in a wheelchair and very little else - but, as I said, we all make our own choices in life.

If his wife (as he posts) is affecting his health, then leaving her would have to come first.

Lin

It sounds like you made exactly the right decision and well done. I was not trying to criticise you at all and apologise if that is how I came across- I would not presume to judge yours or anyone's personal decsion- just saying that the decision-making process can be more complicated when illness and morphine are involved and extra care is needed to ensure a clear head. In a situation where thinking patterns were similar to OP my DH decided to stick it out- thankfully. As did I when my decision-making was affected by illness. Looking back later it was obvious that illness and medication were impacting feelings.It is all individual.

Morglin

z.n wrote: »

It sounds like you made exactly the right decision and well done. I was not trying to criticise you at all and apologise if that is how I came across- I would not presume to judge yours or anyone's personal decsion- just saying that the decision-making process can be more complicated when illness and morphine are involved and extra care is needed to ensure a clear head. In a situation where thinking patterns were similar to OP my DH decided to stick it out- thankfully. As did I when my decision-making was affected by illness. Looking back later it was obvious that illness and medication were impacting feelings.It is all individual.

I didn't take it as criticism, and although I was (and remain) very disabled, I hadn't just had an op, so a few weeks breathing space is wise!:T

However, at the point you realise (as I did) that the one who should love you most, is actually trying to destroy your health, then forget the counsellor a (waste of time lol) and just decide what you want.

I chose to be a victim no longer, others may make different choices.

Lin

Waves_and_Smiles

You have had a lot of advice here so I won't repeat but I will say try not to make any decisions until your pain is better managed. Are you having medical follow-ups for that? I know from experience that Morphine and extreme pain can distort our thinking, I am not for a moment suggesting that yours definitely is but you do need to consider that once the pain has left and that when the Morphine fuzziness and anxiety is gone that things may seem different.

You have been through a lot in your life and have been treated badly. You may be repeating patterns (as we with scars often do) but I cannot judge that for you and it is none of business anyway. You will be scarred emotionally, what you went through in your childhood and with your illness was/is horrendous, I would be more concerned if you said everything felt great right now!

Talk here as much as you need, people are listening and do want to help. I know you feel very alone but it is important to keep reaching out. People are kind for the most part, perhaps abrupt and opinionated and may say things that you don't wish to hear or might just be plain wrong but most mean well. Also everything changes and everything is nearing its end, things may be bad now but every second that goes by means it is heading towards something different. You have to try to keep hold of hope, you have been through too much to give up fighting now.

Primrose

TW. I am sorry you find yourself in this position. Being in constant pain is miserable but make a vow that from today onwards the only person who can take responsibilty for your health is YOU' and you must not allow yourself to be bullied or abused into to making decisions, or not making decisions when it is your body. I think you need time to get over the pain and aftermath of your recent surgery and then perhaps you will be able look at your future again with a clearer head. If guru life has been so. Issuable in the last, ask yourself why you are trying to perpetuate it when the main criteria have not changed.

Morglin

BigAunty wrote: »

I feel that if you were a woman coming onto this forum outlining how pressure from a partner made you postpone a medical procedure and who is disrespectuful, you may have received more sympathy. However, society finds it much harder to recognise and cope with potential domestic abuse towards males, if that's what you are experiencing.

It had nothing to do with gender, it is all about making choices.

Male or female, we can all choose how we allow ourselves to be treated.

(And, yes, I have been there)

Lin

Gigglepig

Did OP's partner not want them to have a surgical procedure because they were worried about the potential for it to to wrong and negatively impact fertility?