Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

That is very true, JM. I was very much stuck in a corner. I knew that I couldn't go on but the only alternative I was left with was to walk away, there was simply no other option at that point without risking my own life. I had tried everything else that I could think of and so had those caring for me, getting me somewhere to live alone was the final attempt and it still wasn't enough. I do feel sadness for her because she had painted herself into a corner, too by refusing any help. She also had her own mother who had conditioned her telling her that trusting strangers wasn't an option. I can feel some anger on my mother's behalf, she brought me up as her mother had brought her up, it was what she knew. As for my grandmother perhaps someone treated her the same way and she passed it on. I have no idea how far the insanity went back. During my teenage years my therapist worked a lot on teaching me about repeating patterns and giving me a choice to break away from that.

The fact that it's textbook is helpful. Sometimes it all feels so ridiculously insane that I feel very isolated in my experience. This is why my therapist gave me books to try and show me that others experienced similar things.

Thank you for the comment about the dreams. I really can't imagine ever leaving someone or something to die but yet it is a reoccurring dream always ending in terror and guilt. It totally messes up my head everytime.

Hello, HBS! Be gentle with those muscles today!

jobbingmusician

Must run now but will be reading this on the tube, will respond ASAP xxxx

Waves_and_Smiles

If I go quiet don't panic. I am now very drugged and likely to nod off at any moment which wouldn't be a bad thing.

codemonkey

Ok, dumbass dog has been walked and I'm at work.

I didn't even get an interview for that promotion I went for.

jobbingmusician

Awww, CM they obviously wouldn't know quality if it bit them in the bum!

codemonkey

It's fine. One less pressure.

System

Sending lots of *hugs* for you WaS

Out and about at the minute but should be home in a bit and can reply properly

Just wanted to echo what the others have said and let you know I think you're amazing and that we are here if you need us

Hugs/warm handshakes for you too code, sorry about not getting the promotion

codemonkey

Probably would have been boring anyway. I'd miss coding too much.

jobbingmusician

-I assume that must be a joke?

hoping WaS is sleeping well xxx

codemonkey

jobbingmusician wrote: »

-I assume that must be a joke?

hoping WaS is sleeping well xxx

Nope, there's something very soothing about computer programming. It's like trying to solve a puzzle and translate it into a different language simultaneously. You can put your headphones on and write code and get lost in it for hours.