Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much, code. I really did try to make everything ok for us both. I was just so very tired at the end that I couldn't do it anymore.

codemonkey

Sweetie you went above and beyond what most other people would do but she gave you no choice - you had to save yourself. And look how many people you've helped!

Waves_and_Smiles

Aww, that makes me feel better. I have always wanted to help people, I suppose because a lot of the time I am trying to make up for what I feel I caused. You are right, I had no choice. I just had nothing left to give.

Please forgive everyone for writing all of this down, it stops it circling in my head and I need people to hear it. It makes it real and defines between what really happened and other worlds which are creeping around in the background. It is not something I can discuss regularly with Wasp because first he gets angry on my behalf and then feels helpless and asks what on earth he is supposed to do. Just listen has no effect because he desperately wants to fix it. It doesn't help either of us to discuss it.

codemonkey

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aww, that makes me feel better. I have always wanted to help people, I suppose because a lot of the time I am trying to make up for what I feel I caused. You are right, I had no choice. I just had nothing left to give.

You didn't cause anything - none of what happened is your fault. But your life has touched so many people and made them better - from the people you helped at work to everyone who has looked at this thread. I understand about mental illness so much more and am less ashamed of mine as a result. This thread and all the people in it have given me the confidence to be more me. You did that. A bad person wouldn't do that.

codemonkey

Its good that you do discuss it WaS. It helps us to understand. Also men aren't too good with feelings because they want to fix things. If they can't they don't know what to do and then they get angry. I get annoyed with Mr Monkey for the same thing when sometimes I just need a hug and a 'there there'. Dogs are somewhat better in that respect as you can talk to them and they just listen. Of course what you're saying sounds like 'bloop blah blee' to them. :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, that is so lovely to hear, code. Thank you. I love this thread and everyone on it, it goes a long way to holding me together. The fact that others get something out of it, too means the world to me.

Hahahahaha! I so need a dog. WaSp doesn;t really do the listening and the there there, he does the ok, this happened what do I do to make it all go away? When there is nothing he just feels utterly helpless.

Waves_and_Smiles

On an amusing note every day I read my horoscope on a certain site because it couldn't be more spectacularly wrong. It makes me laugh with how much it doesn't apply to my life. Today's horoscope is "You need to spend time with your family to relieve stress". Despite everything I am laughing my head off.

jobbingmusician

Sorry to be so slow this morning.

When I was in my early twenties I did a lot of meditation and stuff. My guru said that bad dreams like that are often the way of getting fears out of our system - we sort of rehearse things so that they won't happen in real life. I have similar fears in real life - that I'll forget someone or something and they will die of neglect. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN - for you and for me.

And I think you know about your mother - she had painted you into a corner. WHATEVER you did she would make you feel like that. It was a no win situation for you (absolutely textbook, by the way!) So don't feel guilty for what you did - I reiterate - WHATEVER you did would have had the same result. (Or probably worse, because as you say, it would have affected you as well.)

heartbreak_star

Not sure what else to add to the awesome posts above WaS, but you have been through so much and I admire your strength

I am real (the muscle aches from gymnastics class prove that!) ) and I am sending big hugs!

HBS x

jobbingmusician

Pyxis wrote: »

I have PMed a couple of the others to pop on and chat to you. I won't be back until after 9pm tonight and don't have a roaming internet thing, so cannot stay online. The other TeamWaS people will be here soon. Xxxxxxx

We are, but we can't reply to Pyxis as her inbox is full.....:rotfl: