Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

They sound lovely, code!

Ok, it's a deal, MU. Send us all the furry ones, we will look after them all!

(and the feathered, shelled, aquatic and scaly, too for that matter. I'll take everything)

System

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

They sound lovely, code!

Ok, it's a deal, MU. Send us all the furry ones, we will look after them all!

(and the feathered, shelled, aquatic and scaly, too for that matter. I'll take everything)

We shall just take in every pet going

I'm currently feeling very festive i am wearing my new festive jumper and my santa hat, the xmas tree lights are on and i am listening to christmas songs

edit a pic of the jumper:

Waves_and_Smiles

Awwww! What a cute jumper! I love it!

lostinrates

Warning to all dog sitters..... dog dog now sulks if she is left alone, she wants to be with someone all the time. Happy to sit in the corner of the room on a very soft bed or sofa, but room must have some one in it. Left alone she barks. Or throws herself at doors.

Pyxis

Ok, I just heard this on the Teev!........


It's Joke Time folks!


What's brown and sounds like a bell?

System

Pyxis wrote: »

Ok, I just heard this on the Teev!........


It's Joke Time folks!


What's brown and sounds like a bell?

I don't know Pyxis

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I don't know Pyxis

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dunnnnnnnnng! :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! I told WaSp that joke, Pyxis and for some reason his head went back into his hands.

Aw, LIR! Poor Dog dog. Funnily enough in my dreams about having a dog I have always thought of taking one with separation anxiety. Other than walking with WaSp it would permanently with me other than a rare hospital appointment, I would need a dog that likes lots of company and cuddles! Dog dog would be perfect!

I fell asleep at 7pm, it now 5am. Errr, Morning everyone!

Pretty much a CBPenguin! Talks graphically about death and the afterlife. I know that it is in the guidelines not to mention the latter but as that is primarily there for my benefit I hope it is ok to break it just the once. Do not read this if you feel at all fragile.

I dreamt repeatedly about death. First there was a baby badger that I somehow forgot I had left in my bedroom, I was scared to go in there in case it had died. Eventually I walked in and it was very weak, because I had forgotten to feed it. I held it in my arms as it died.

Then my dad had died. I knew it was my fault. I had forgotten to give him his medication for his heart and he had gone to work and died there. I wanted to die, too and was scared to tell anyone because I knew that they would put me in prison and execute me. I knew that demons were waiting for me in Hell.

Finally I was back in the bedroom and I noticed the little boy I used to look after. He was in a soiled nappy and pale and very ill. I had forgotten that I had picked him up from his mother's 3 days earlier and not fed him. His eyes were closing and he was slipping away and I couldn't stop it from happening.

The overriding feeling from all three of these dreams was incredible guilt and self-hatred. I had failed them all. I still feel terrible and the voices are reminding me how I killed my parents and I will pay for that when I die. My mothers voice has joined them today. They say that I cannot look after anyone or anything, everything will die at my hands. This is not the best start to the day to say the least, I feel physically sick. WaSp is still asleep so I am sitting here alone, I have taken an emergency dose of anti-psychotic to try to quieten the voices. I shall just sit here quietly until someone comes online and cling to them. I didn't kill my parents, yet I was their carer, my job was to keep them alive. They made the choice to end their lives, I know this yet somehow all the guilt and blame is still mine.

I am afraid of people saying that they will pray for me because I think it will make God remember me and blame me for what I did. I am terrified of an afterlife in case my parents are there to greet me and send me to Hell as the Devil's spawn my mother always told me I was. Religion doesn't scare me, being 'seen' and hated by a God does. I don't know how to lose the guilt I feel, I can hear my mother's voice in my head telling me I murdered my dad as she did when she was alive. She is saying that I murdered her. As a child she used to say to me that I had got rid of him and now I was coming after her. My uncle told me after her death that she gave up because I left. It was my fault. My mother would tell me that I was a murderer daily, I never told anyone until I was an adult because I was convinced that it was true and I would be punished. My grandmother died hating me for killing her daughter because I walked away. I was repeatedly told over years that I had killed both of my parents and although I can rationalise it now emotionally the guilt is still mine.

I never wanted either of their lives to end the way they did, I am sorry that it happened. I tried to care for them, I tried to help them to live. I had to walk away from my mother in the end because I knew it would be her or me, I had nothing else to give and wanted to die myself. I knew she wouldn't be able to care for herself if I left and I knew my uncle and grandmother wouldn't take over, they had told me since I was 10 that she was my responsibility. I knew that she would be put into residential care, what I didn't expect was for her to take her own life a day later. I had no choice. If I had stayed I would have taken my life and it would have bought her maybe a 2 more months before the same scenario played out. I had to go but while I was there I really try to help both of them. I never wanted this end.

I think I need another emergency dose of anti-psychotic, it would be easy to slip into another world right now. Don't worry, I will wake up WaSp if I need to.

End penguin!

Pyxis

I am here WaS, to tell you it was all just a dream, you're ok! You haven't done anything to hurt anyone! :A

Waves_and_Smiles

Good morning, Pyxis! Feel that weight clinging to your leg? That is me!

I will be fine, or very drugged and I will fall asleep, one or the other. This is a rather depressing start to the day to say the least!