Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

whitewing wrote: »

Having a square meal is important!

I cried at littlewing's nativity today. Not that I could actually see her. But there was one little dude (shepherd), boogying away - dancing like no-one was watching. The whole production was so well put together and the children loved every minute of it.

There's a new carol!

"While shepherds boogied on down all night...."
And moonwalked all around,
The Angel of the North said 'Right
On, Dudes, let's hit the town!' "

Waves_and_Smiles

Awwww, that is so sweet, whitewing! How incredibly cute!

codemonkey

Pyxis wrote: »

There's a new carol!

"While shepherds boogied on down all night...."
And moonwalked all around,
The Angel of the North said 'Right
On, Dudes, let's hit the town!' "

Better than While Shepherds washed their socks by night.

Waves_and_Smiles

Milliefleur update! She had jelly! She hasn't had any for years but there was a little tub with fruit in bought with her lunch and she was excited! So far she really likes the food so we are hoping she puts on more weight. She has asked WaSp to visit next week when the woman with the book is there and casually ask if it can be read to her. She doesn't want to ask herself but it is making her rather paranoid. WaSp asked if he should pop over this weekend and she said no, make it next week because her cousin is there at the weekend and there are lots of people around and half of next week is already booked! This is very new, now she wants some time to herself after lunch to listen to her quiz shows and have a nap with her cat before her dinner arrives. She is also going out with her sister Monday, has her club on Tuesday and is going Christmas shopping with a friend from her club Wednesday so has booked WaSp in for Thursday. It is lovely to hear that she is so busy!

She had a little cry because BIL called and was sharp with her and said he supposes he isn't needed anymore now despite all he has done for her and how his daughter and ex-wife have treated him the same way. Grrr, not happy.

What is also lovely is that rather than her going to Yorkshire for Christmas two of her sisters and a great niece are going to drive down, book into a hotel or stay with the cousin who lives in London and spend a few days with her at home. That will be 4 sisters together and the great niece plus cousin. Dinner will be at Milliefleur's and great niece will cook the meal which will be goose with all the trimmings! She is very happy about that and we can relax knowing she will have a lovely time!

Oh, and I got all tearful because things are so much better and she is enjoying herself and we know she is taken care of. I am soppy like that.

whitewing

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

She had a little cry because BIL called and was sharp with her and said he supposes he isn't needed anymore now despite all he has done for her and how his daughter and ex-wife have treated him the same way. Grrr, not happy.

You need to reframe what BIL says. He seems to be actually honestly telling her that he is scared of not being needed by her. Just ignore the stroppy delivery and focus on the words or the sentiment.

You could all make BIL feel a lot better, and therefore make your lives easier. Maybe the carers and WaSp could include BIL in the plans a bit more somehow so he is still useful/needed/loved (as much as is possible/safe). WaS, could you at some point help BookLady sort out a strategy that includes him but doesn't rely on him. Even if it's for some of the social stuff.

Do the carers talk to him? Or does he hide or get aggressive? Could SchoolBoy ask him to be in charge of meal selecting or something?

I am not meaning be patronising, just work to include him within his limitations.

I used to be most aggressive and angry when I was feeling the most vulnerable. Use your training to help him without dealing directly with him.

Pyxis

Oh WaS! Big hugs! (((((((((((WaS)))))))))))))






Whitewing, that's good, but the problem is that that would break down when he's inebriated.

whitewing

That is why it needs to be a plan that doesn't rely on him but does include him. WaS is creative - she can think of something.

This is a penguin. It really is a penguin. A penguin that is not a penguin! (I'm on the mulled wine)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2870304/How-penguins-survive-world-s-coldest-temperatures-Genetic-study-shows-birds-evolved-feathers-skin-wings-stubby.html

Errata

whitewing wrote: »

. Maybe the carers and WaSp could include BIL in the plans a bit more somehow so he is still useful/needed/loved (as much as is possible/safe). WaS, could you at some point help BookLady sort out a strategy that includes him but doesn't rely on him. Even if it's for some of the social stuff.
I think BIL has been deliberately excluded for very good reasons, he can't be relied on and he's unsafe.

Do the carers talk to him? Or does he hide or get aggressive? Could SchoolBoy ask him to be in charge of meal selecting or something?
Schoolboys job is delivering food, asking BIL to do something is outside his remit and probably training
I am not meaning be patronising, just work to include him within his limitations.
Again, he's been excluded for good and proper reason.
I used to be most aggressive and angry when I was feeling the most vulnerable. Use your training to help him without dealing directly with him.

Personally, I wouldn't lift a finger to help him until I saw evidence of him trying to help himself - which he could easily do if he chose to.

Waves_and_Smiles

I do think that he is feeling unwanted, whitewing which I do have some sympathy for. I am unsure how much he will be allowed to be involved with the professional care aspect due to the safeguarding which I am pretty sure has happened judging by how suddenly there are people everywhere. However, this doesn't mean that he cannot help her by taking her shopping, helping with housework and other practicalities or just visiting and giving her company.

I think I could speak to WaSp about suggesting things to BIL and Milliefleur that he can still do (that obviously don't put her at risk), I need to be careful though because there is a lot he can't be trusted to do. On Milliefleur's behalf she has always liked to be quite independent so this is quite an adjustment for her and she is saying how much she enjoys her afternoons alone now because she knows people will be there later but she gets a bit of time without the doorbell ringing. WaSp isn't pushing to visit because we both see that there is a balance between her having support but also feeling in control of her own life and getting some breathing space. She loves company but like most of us not at every minute of the day. She still calls every evening so if WaSp will only see her a couple of times a week for a while that's fine, we know she is doing well.

I know that BIL's life has now changed a lot, too. WaSp himself is feeling a little like a spare part but it isn't so bad for him because he was told by my soft, squishy steamroller of a social worker that his priority is me. As a side point since then he has been jumping up to get things for me where he rarely used to, it is cute and as if he feels all responsible now! I try not to giggle, it is very, very sweet of him.

iammumtoone

The thing regarding BIL is that he does need help everyone knows this BUT unfortunately nobody can help him unless he admits he needs help.

That is the way it is with addicts, you can't help them unless they admit they have problem, any help will not be appreciated, it is waste of resources unless it is reciprocated.

What he needs is someone to help him see that he does have a problem as until he accepts that unfortunately nothing will improve for him.

Like others have said I too feel for him. In his defense he must think a lot of his mother as he did admit what happened with the cat pills, he must have known he would have been in trouble for it but put his mother first and told the truth to help her, yes it was his fault in the first place but others may have kept quiet about it meaning her treatment was compromised. I am sure he would not have been the first if he had decided to take this selfish attitude.