Just needed to be heard for a little while

codemonkey

Also, I went shopping yesterday and went past the panettone display. I was thinking "Ok I've tried it now, I don't need another" but somehow I ended up buying it anyway.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

Also, I went shopping yesterday and went past the panettone display. I was thinking "Ok I've tried it now, I don't need another" but somehow I ended up buying it anyway.

Toldja! Toldja!

I'm sure the ancient sirens were't beautiful ladies...they must have been panettoni!


Will the new job situation be better for you, Code?
Could you chase up the promotion application?


Whitewing, sorry things are stressful. Doesn't help having all the Christmas stuff to do as well.

As for me, the biggest part of my paperwork is still to do. I intended to broach it this morning, having gone through the Dining Table of Doom and sorted/prioritised stuff, and got some stuff done.

Then, I had to make lists.
Then I found that if I were to wrap those parcels for abroad, I could take them to the PO tomorrow on the way to somewhere else, so I did that, in the middle of which a friend rang needing help.
Then I had important phone calls to make, so I did those, just as well, as I might have missed out on something if I hadn't.
Then I spotted the postie and dashed to give him his Christmas Box, as I missed him last year.
Now exhausted and have sat down with a cup of tea to recharge my overloaded brain, and then I will start the tax stuff!
I will! Honest injun!

(Must stop spotting other things I could clear/sort/tidy! I must do the tax!)


WaS, hope it went ok with the SW and that you're not too frazzled. Keep Cynthia on at those stupid voices, and r.e..l...a.....x with a cuppa or three!

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello, Popec! What a lovely thing to say! Welcome to the thread!

Good morning all!

Well, WaSp and I just discussed how we now know what it feels like to be run over by a warm, squishy and cuddly bulldozer! My social worker is assertive in the sweetest way possible.

As we thought she wasn't happy about WaSp staying overnight with MillieFleur. This has now been altered to WaSp staying with me at night again, there wasn't a choice in this. This was couched in many lovely statements such as how nice it will be for us to sit down for dinner and have a bottle of wine and know we are together for the evening, how it will help with my sleep pattern and how WaSp will get more rest. We were expecting that.

She said she doesn't feel that I should be left alone for more than 4 hours, although it is fine if I am checked on after that time and then left alone again. If WaSp wanted a hobby, for example that took him out of the house there are resources in place for a carer to do that-simply check I am ok at a set time and leave. WaSp said he doesn't need a hobby outside of the house because he likes working at home with computers so he is fine, thanks! Poor man is scared of social workers.

On that note she spoke to me about hobbies. She feels that I would benefit from something that I could do everyday (I have that, it's called MSE). She noticed all my cuddlies and said something like sewing toys might be a good idea, or painting. If I ever want to try Occupational Therapy they could set something up, where I could apparently do things like metal work, jewellery making and clay modelling but she won't pressure me to do that. It is just something to consider if I get bored (this involves being outside with people. No). She also suggested making a rota of activities for me so that I have more structure in my week, cooking with WaSp twice a week for example, painting another day, a drive with WaSp-huge emphasis on that one. I will think about it, it's not a bad idea.

Also on WaSp's behalf, she has asked him to consider if he would like some hours off every couple of weeks. They can give me a small direct payment to fund someone to sit with me (who could do the aforementioned hobby with me), probably for no more than 3 hours, every 2 weeks but combined with the 4 hours that I can stay alone that would give WaSp 7 hours to go out. He says he doesn't need that but she said she wanted to highlight it as something that is available for him for the future. I would be ok with that if he wanted to.

I am to have a panic alarm installed for when I am alone. Apparently you just plug them into your phone line and nothing else needs to be done. That way if an emergency happens meaning WaSp is not here I have a way to get myself help.

I talked to her about Milliefleur and every word was met with how I need to give myself the same care that I am giving to her, that I am also vulnerable and shouldn't be directly involved and that they will make sure Milliefleur is taken care of. She was a completely closed book on the subject, she feels that being actively involved in Milliefleur's care is too much pressure for me and also feels that WaSp needs to stand back at this point and focus on us.

We all signed the new care plan which we will review in 6 months unless something happens before then.

All in all it went well, she is a lovely lady but also has an iron will underneath it, on several points we were largely told what will be happening rather than asked particularly in terms of WaSp staying here overnight and the times I can be left alone.

Now WaSp has gone to visit Milliefluer whilst asking if he should set a stopwatch to make sure he is back at 4 hours on the dot. I really hope her social workers aren't there today, he might run screaming.

Pyxis

Clocks! Clocks! You could do the clocks!

Also, 7hours could give WaSp time to go and spend time with MiL.

Have you had that cup of tea?






Edit. Sock monkeys! You could make sock monkeys!

lostinrates

I've missed or forgotten, what is the clocks?



The time off seems like a good idea. A hobby for wasp, arranged or informal....time for exercise and fresh air for example...things that have np been compromised between his care roles and travelling, and or something more social. Maybe a carers group or voluntary group so he has more of a social network who without going on about it understand his responsibilities as a carer.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am having a cup of tea now!

Hahahahaha! Yes! lots of sock monkeys! She doesn't like that my week is unstructured and pushed the idea of a rota quite hard, even if it is just one set thing every day. I actually don't mind that idea and I might even look forward to it. I do understand her point about functioning daily. I need to think of things I want to do now...

I really wouldn't mind at all if someone sat with me for 3 hours every two weeks so that WaSp could have a block of time to himself. It isn't really any different to having a carer, except instead of practical things this would be for fun. I may see if I can persuade WaSp, this is the first time we have ever been offered respite care.

Oh, the clocks are because my grandfather taught me to repair wind mechanism clocks as a child. I pretty much remember how to do it, he used to buy them at jumble sales for me and get me to fix them with him.

Popec5

jobbingmusician wrote: »

:hello: - welcome, Popec! It sounds as if you are feeling a bit down - but you've already given me a lift by posting, and I'm sure WaS will be delighted to 'meet' you as well. Jump right in and say whatever you like on here!

What any of you do if talking doesn't help anymore? I lost all will to live. I tried all kind of counselling, CBT, mindfullness, psychologist, psychiatrist . I have suicidal tendencies but according to benefit office + so called doctors I was ready to work after 2 years home with work related stress/depression, not to mention my physical problems.
I knew it was way to early, but I had to work since March. Still in October I became the employee of the Year with many accomplishments that was appreciated by bosses, it is not bragging just facts. But since I am honest, follow the rules and because of my non existent self confident I am not as bubbly and flirty as many other who doesn't want to work, they get away with it as the bosses let them. When I tell the boss they don't follow the rules they part with them and now many people hate me, but of course they deny it. I feel it is unfair. And the boss ignores me, looks through me and just find me when he needs me, even when he knows how much it hurts me. The suicidal thoughts came back with full force, I am watching website with graphic pics, videos of people dying and I envy them. A few weeks ago I tried to end it all by not drinking at all for 4 days, I intended to die before Christmas. Then I realized how much I would hurt my parents, sister if I will do that. But it is not a life, I feel I am dead inside, the boss and some colleagues behavior took all my passion away.
And now I was told on Friday that I am suspended for gross misconduct because I gave my discount card to my colleague while I went out of country to a holiday. I admitted my guilt at the spot, but it was not on purpose, I just wanted to help, it didn't occure to me it is against the rules, It was an honest mistake and I am willing to pay the consequences, but I feel it is too much. I didn't gain anything from it, just tried to help and I am sure this is a great opportunity for the boss to fire me. I feel whatever I try to do will end up badly for me.
What else then talk help out you all the bad, dark days, weeks, months, years?

lostinrates

Popec5

Have you been on the same medication all this time?

I am very lucky I think that the first medication I have been given suits me very well. I knew from treatment for not mental health realated applications two drugs would not suit me and said I didn't want them, and my physician said he hadn't been thinking of them at all but another. And it suits me well. It doesn't make be feel 'happy about bad things' or change my opinions but it has stopped me feeling the need to act on them and I can laugh again and see the wood for the trees. I feel more like 'me'. Which is all I wanted.

Maybe its time to ask for a review of your medical treatment besides any other method you choose ?:)

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, Popec, have a hug or a warm handshake, whatever feels safest. You have been through so much and are still going through a lot. I am not surprised that you feel so low right now.

I have had 16 years of therapy, many of the types that you describe and I am still unwell. For some of us therapy can give us coping strategies to deal with the bad times but it can't 'fix' us. That is ok, we just need to take from it what we find useful and put it into practice in daily life. Right now, accept that you feel low, and that is ok. Don't feel that you have to be fine, or should be doing better. This is the place you are in right now so work with that and don't blame yourself for feeling as you do.

Do try to avoid watching the website pics if you can, I have done that myself and I know that there is comfort in it but ultimately it will push you into a circle of dwelling on your thoughts. As for things that help, one of the biggest things that has helped me is starting this thread. Having people to talk to everyday no matter how I feel and knowing that they don't think I am a horrible person (and yes, I actually KNOW that they don;t think that now) has made me feel a lot stronger. Please do try it yourself, post what you feel here. No one will ever judge you and we may not have the answers but we will always listen and try to help. You don't have to be alone.

Have you spoken to your GP recently about how you feel? A temporary dose of a new medication may help to give you some relief, I take two psychiatric medications every day and they have made a huge difference. It doesn't have to be forever, just until things feel a little brighter, and they will even if it doesn't feel like it now.

We are all here for you, please keep talking to us even if you feel that talking doesn't help. We care about you and want you to feel better, let us at least carry some of your burden with you. Remember, you are not alone.

Oh, and a huge well done on Employee of the Year. You were feeling so low and still achieved that? That's fantastic! Be proud of that, it shows how much potential you have.

jobbingmusician

I think reviewing your medication is an excellent idea.

Also, Popec, I suspect that you are feeling especially bad at the moment because you are suspended from work. Try not to worry about that. Even if the worst happens and you are fired, I don't think for a moment it is the end of your career - another employer will appreciate that you made an honest mistake.

And do take a look at http://therecoveryletters.com/ - several of us have found these very helpful.

And keep posting here - sometimes 'talking' to other people who have been in the same dark place is incredibly helpful. ((((()))))