Just needed to be heard for a little while

dibuzz

I was asleep when you posted that 4 hours then another 2 so pretty good.

Waves_and_Smiles

Yay! I am so happy for you! Do you feel a bit better?

Waves_and_Smiles

Sometimes I annoy myself. You would think that watching people prank each other on a video of a Minecraft (a computer game my partner loves) server would be harmless for me, right? Wrong. One player crept up on another and killed his character, just joking between friends. The one who's character was killed typed "I thought we were team?" with a sad face. I had to go to the bathroom quickly so that my partner didn't see my eyes fill with tears.

I know that they are all friends and joking with each other, I do not even know these people! But the thought of someone being sad that they have been picked on and are no longer part of a team makes me cry. Now I just feel sad for the person who's character was killed and want to give him a hug, everytime I think of it I get choked up. I know a lot of it is projection and it is really how I felt when I thought I was being left out and rejected but after 16 years of therapy I would have hoped to have better control over it. I really am so over-sensitive and I end up frustrated with myself. Any mention of someone feeling left out is a trigger even if I know it's a joke between people.

This also relates to what I said yesterday about how confused, hurt and scared I become if people are showing anger or being cruel to each other. I know everyone argues, I know lots of times words are said and not meant, logically I understand that perfectly well. Emotionally, my reaction is totally different and cuts through my defences and saddens me deeply. Sometimes it feels as if my world is continuing to shrink and there is less and less that I can do without becoming upset. And now I sound like a precious little snowflake which I am not at all, I am very strong and resilient in some ways, I just have little coping strategy for people being mean to each other and it hurts me and then somehow I end up feeling responsible.

lostinrates

dibuzz wrote: »

I was asleep when you posted that 4 hours then another 2 so pretty good.

There is an old nursery rhyme/proverb thingy on hours of sleep that goes

Nature takes five
Habit takes seven
Laziness takes nine
And wickedness eleven

Now of course we know better, that eight really is optimal, and over or under not ideal statistically. But I always feel if I get that over that five then I can FUNCTION, because nature got what it needed:D. These days of course, I am very, very wicked:rotfl:. I was up at five to do the animals then nipped back to bed till just now. . My rhythm is such I get most in my day done before nine or ten, ooops. I get another afternoon burst, but I'm going to try and have a chip away day to day.

lostinrates

WaS I wouldn't know what to PM you . I 'm not doing it not because I don't care but because I don't want to say the wrong thing.


Thanks for asking. I feel very much more even mooded ATM. Physically things aren't at their worst by any means. I've not had any vision disturbance this week at all though I am having a lot of what I THINK might be some sort of silent migraines, I'm not sure because the concept seems a bit odd. It might fit with the increase in drugs for the neurological condition though. But better silent ones than full blown ones, right?

Yesterday I was a noted when I had a recurrence of some annoying but not grievous spontaneous bruising on my legs and feet. No one is going to see me, so it doesn't matter, but its annoying to me.

All in all I'm doing much better. I know I am heading to two surgery dates. I have quite a few consultants, they all have to agree I am surgery ready and capable because some feel it puts their bit of me into difficulty or that I'm not in a position to recover well ATM. I've put a lot of effort into not having these surgeries, now its unavoidable I'd just like to get on with it!

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so glad that your mood is staying stable, LIR. I find everything physical feels so much worse if I don't have the emotional strength behind me to deal with it, even my arthritis feels more painful if my mood is low? I get migraine, too but luckily very rarely, maybe 3-4 a year. I have had them ever since puberty when they were at least once a week, but they have lessened as I have got older. You have my complete sympathy, I will take any pain other than tooth ache over a migraine, they are simply awful.

Sorry to hear about the bruising, is there anything you can do about that? Hot flannels, maybe? cream? I am completely clutching at straws but it has to be frustrating.

Good luck preparing for the surgeries, I always find waiting for procedures is the worse part. I manage to convince myself of all sorts if I have to wait, I much prefer to be told something is being carried out in the next few days. Don't forget your laptop/ipad when they are due please, I will worry if I don't know how you are doing.

Oh, and if the sleep poem is true I am doomed for my wickedness, it takes 2 hours in bed before anything even happens sleep-wise!

Oh, oh! Forgot to say I released a little bee this morning and thought of you. I do love my little furry, flying visitors!

lostinrates

It's cold for bruising, but they'll just go. I get too cold to apply ice!

I deal ok with pain, ( I have a lot of different pain as a result of my health problems and its not nice but really its other aspects of my health that trouble me more....I'm rather vain:o:o and if I could look like I used to before I was unwell I'd keep the pain and choose my looks every single time, I find the impact on my appearance very crushing tbh)

I expect it will be a while still WaS. I was thinking it would be May, but its dragging. I had a whole team of other tests, then my new consultant agreed I should get second opinions from a different endocrinologist and neurologist, so we're waiting for them. I'm a private patient so its not that that delays, I'm just a bit of a complex case!

Waves_and_Smiles

I am with you with the cold LIR, my thyroid problem means my body temperature is an utter mess along with my metabolism. I can feel burning hot to someone but feel freezing myself. I was told to try ice packs on my neck and there is no chance at all, I'd need a few heaters on me first!

I am sorry about your condition altering how your look, mine has done the same to me. I am also quite overweight due to psychiatric drugs, steroids, my metabolism being ridiculous and the fact I don't actually get any exercise at all other than daily physio. I hate it and it adds to my dislike of people seeing me.

I really hope that your consultants all manage to get on the page, do they ever meet up together? With my mental and physical health when I had a lot of people involved we used to have a yearly case conference where everyone, including me was present. It was the only way to keep track of what everyone else was doing. I remember one with 13 professionals in the room, you could say I was a tad intimidated!

whitewing

When's your next yearly case conference due?

I never think of you being overweight, WaS. It doesn't fit the vague image that I have built up in my mind. Could you get an exercise bike or something, WaS? Would that help? If you can't afford one, maybe one of your carers could put a freecycle request out on your behalf.

dibuzz

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Yay! I am so happy for you! Do you feel a bit better?

I felt more tired than ever by the time I got back from the station so went back to bed and had another couple of hours
Still tired but feeling better than the last few days.

That's a good idea whitewing, where better for an exercise bike than freeCYCLE