Just needed to be heard for a little while

jobbingmusician

haybel and whitewing - I know it's terribly difficult to believe in yourself. I do wonder whether that's why those Victorian posters which said 'remember Jesus loves you' were so popular, because for generations women have been bred not to believe in themselves and to seek reinforcement from an external source. I know I do it too and defer to my husband only too easily, through laziness, rather than thinking for myself. (Although he would laugh at that, the idea of me deferring to him! )

WaS, that is fascinating about hoarding. I've been thinking about how you and someone earlier in the thread (sorry, I did start reading from the beginning again but DH wanted to talk to me, work rang and I got diverted!) can’t throw anything away because you feel sorry for the item. I thought I’d propose an alternative POV.

I am a strong believer in reincarnation, but you don’t have to believe in this, it also relates to chaos theory (where the beat of a butterfly’s wing can influence the earth and cause a hurricane). If you hold on to stuff, you are stopping it moving on and doing the next useful thing. So, for example, if you eat up everything on your plate deliberately, instead of stopping eating when your body tells you to, you are depriving the little worm that might have eaten your leftovers in landfill.

I am hesitant in writing that, however, as I can see that it could lead to a whole misery of not being able to decide when to stop eating or throw anything away. But I thought the best thing was to be honest and share my thoughts on it rather than making a decision not to which would be based in some vague idea of what I thought was good for you, which might be 'professional' but is less honest than this thread deserves. And this thread is just about people communicating honestly and openly, which is why I think it's so good. But I am worried about stirring things up....

I think that if you just behave ‘naturally’ you will get it right – but of course quite a big feature of mental distress is not having self-confidence in doing the right thing, which is what haybel and whitewing were talking about. Perhaps you could trust your partner or a trusted friend, or even ask on here (all of you, I mean, including me) if you have problems throwing something away. Or go by the old maxim ‘if in doubt, throw it out’?

Gosh, a lot more posts while I have been writing this. I know a local stables gave some free tasters of equine therapy to some of the people we work with in the charity I work for, and they found it very helpful. I suspect it might help you in particular, WaS, from the little I understand about horses, as one of the things I know is that they don’t look at you, and horse whisperers sort of approach them sideways as horses don’t like direct eye contact. So I suspect that the horses might be very helpful to someone who normally uses a blanket. Or is that too simplistic?

Waves_and_Smiles

That is beautiful, whitewing! What a wonderful thing to offer people.

I had a cat that turned herself into a therapy animal. I got her at 4 weeks old after her mother had been poisoned and hand-reared her and at the end of her life learnt how to give her dialysis when her kidneys failed. She followed me everywhere and was deeply attached to me. After a while if I cried she would run to me and cry, too and touch my tears with her paws, she would sleep on my pillow pressed against my head and if I was having a nightmare would pat my face and meow and wake me up. Although I used to live the windows open for her so that she could look out she chose to be an inside cat and would watch me closely everytime I moved and run to me. She was a huge comfort and I still miss her 7 years later.

whitewing

Not a book, but the NHS website is well-written

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Psychosis/Pages/Introduction.aspx

dibuzz

My dog was the same, always knew when I needed her and I'd wake up to find her head on the pillow beside me. She was my little shadow, always following me round the house and I talked to her a lot.

lostinrates

jobbingmusician wrote: »

. I suspect it might help you in particular, WaS, from the little I understand about horses, as one of the things I know is that they don’t look at you, and horse whisperers sort of approach them sideways as horses don’t like direct eye contact. So I suspect that the horses might be very helpful to someone who normally uses a blanket. Or is that too simplistic?

Horses cannot actually see directly infront of them, its a small blind spot. Prey animals with eyes on the side of their heads process visual information slightly differently too. So stroking a horses face as a first greeting is very invasive. But they will look you in the eye.

They are just as varied in personality as we are and put up with far more in general:(. One of the reasons I have put of one of these surgeries is it will guarantee I will not be able to ride again. Hey ho.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good Morning Duke! Sorry about the lack of sleep. I will have a think about books for Harry. There are a lot that come to mind but I don't want to recommend one that scares him and makes him think things are worse than they are. Be very careful with any fiction books about psychosis as they tend to portray the worse aspects that are largely only true for a handful of people (dramatic licence) so I would be reluctant to recommend those.

That is a really good idea JM! I never thought of associating it with reincarnation. I know quite a lot about that as I have studied it in the past, I have studied practically every religious belief and a few cults too, as I was so influenced by mothers self-invented brand of religion. In the end I gave up and decided I had no idea and whatever happens next happens, hence my agnosticism. I will just try to be as kind and considerate as I can be in this life and hope I manage to get it vaguely right. I did follow Buddhism for a while though, so that might actually work.

Here is one for everyone. I have 7 coffee creamers (those little pots you get for your coffee) piled in a neat little tower next to me, they have been there for 2 days. I keep looking at them and thinking that they really belong in the bin but I can't bring myself to dispose of them as they made my coffee taste nice and I am grateful for that and now they are unwanted. I give everything a personality...

I actually love the horses idea, I love all animals. If it was in field away from everyone it could possibly work for me. The blanket can come off if there are no people and if I could cope with the person in charge there then I think that I would really like it.

Aw, LIR I am so sorry that surgery would mean you could never ride again. I have never rode a horse but I used to take the people I worked with to riding lessons and I absolutely loved it. The horses were extremely gentle and calm and I enjoyed it as much as they did.

dibuzz, you little dog sounds wonderful. animals can make such a difference to your life. their love is unconditional and when I have had pets I have spent so much time confiding in them, it really helped me.

Waves_and_Smiles

Ok, that worked and now I am laughing at myself. Writing down that I am feeling sorry for coffee cream pots sounded so ludicrous that I threw them away. Perhaps just mentioning it will solve the problem!

Related to this another problem I had when I used to go out to shop was I could never leave a last item on the shelf. Again, I would see it as left behind and unwanted so I would feel incredible guilt and buy it. I would come home with all sorts of strange things, the most amusing to me were plant ties. I have never had a garden in my life...

dibuzz

It's only been 4 and a half months but I still miss her and sometimes think I can hear her.

jobbingmusician

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Ok, that worked and now I am laughing at myself. Writing down that I am feeling sorry for coffee cream pots sounded so ludicrous that I threw them away. Perhaps just mentioning it will solve the problem!

Now I am thinking of your coffee cream pots, which are going to be recycled into something wonderful!

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so sorry dibuzz, when I lost my cat the first year was horrid. It is still early days for you yet, so of course it still hurts. If you hear her talk to her, she might be listening. I found it got easier after all of the firsts, Christmas, the day I got her, etc. Yes, I used to celebrate and buy her gifts for these occasions. I am not allowed pets where I live now but I did have a secret hamster that I hid in the wardrobe if the landlord visited. He died just after Christmas at 2 years and 4 months, a long life for a little hamster and with the whole waiting to move thing I can't risk getting another pet now and anyway, I was so anxious all of the time because I knew I shouldn't have had him.

I do miss pets terribly though, they gave me a reason to function. No matter how bad I felt I knew that I had to look after them so it helped a lot with motivation and no matter what state I was in I never allowed myself to neglect them.

I hope they are JM! The whole cause of the hoarding is feeling sorry for everything, I just can't bear to think that anything is unhappy or unwanted because of me. Logically it is ridiculous of course, emotionally it is shed-loads of guilt.