Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

WaSp and I hardly ever argue but when we do you can bet it is over BIL. We just did and WaSp was a little defensive and said I don't mind helping him! BIL than called him back, now he is swearing about him to me, an hour ago he was defending him! I meanwhile want to scream. I fully admit that I only have an intellectual grasp of loyalty to family members who are constantly difficult as I never really had a family as such. I do try to understand but it frustrates me because I can only imagine how it feels and I chose to walk away from everyone (which I am sure frustrates WaSp).

He also made a very low blow when I was saying I would prefer him to be here on my birthday rather than be with BIL (don't even ask how that came up) and WaSp in his anger said "Oh whoopee, what are we going to do on your birthday? Oh, I know sit here in the same room again".

Ouch! Low blow WaSp, low blow.

We are fine now, neither of us stay angry long but we have a BIL situation that will come up again in the next few weeks. It is just always over him.

oystercatcher

Free food and naked men :j :j

I love the birthday party idea , maybe glow sticks would be safer than sparklers or am I being a party pooper ? Cake and yummy food is a lovely present and needen't be expensive. Time for an Approved Foods order ? (I love them too )

Thank you for being understanding with my earlier post about not wanting to grumble . I'm very very shy in real life and even here I type messages and delete and ponder about what to put .....I know it's silly but it's the way I am . Hopefully I'll be more comfortable posting eventually....

I went swimming with a friend this afternoon, it feels so good to get out and socialise . For various reasons over the last few weeks all I have been doing is dog walks, food shopping and running Husband to station..... not surprising I've been depressed. It's hard to go out alone as I have balance and vertigo problems and mostly it just seems pointless to go out when it will just make me feel ill.

I want to know how Elsien's day went ..... have been sending positive thoughts.

The Secret Rooster has been very noisy today now he's 'come out of the closet' . I'm really fond of him though.....

Pyxis

Oystercatcher, Secret Rooster pic, pretty please!

Yes, elsien, how did the acting session/interview go?


WaS, I think Now's the time to tell WaSp of your idea to go over to Mil on her birthday!

oystercatcher

Possible penguin for WaS

Could you plan your forest visit for your birthday WaS ?


Penguin gone....

oystercatcher

I'll try and sort a Secret Rooster pic tomorrow, not very techy here but he is worth seeing , he is an unusual rare breed !

Waves_and_Smiles

Oooh yes! Secret Rooster pic please!

That's an idea, Pyxis. WaSp doesn't mean it and I know that, it was just something said in anger. Still ouch, though! We are totally fine now, until the next BIL phone call at least.

That's not a bad idea at all, oystercatcher! I think that I might enjoy that!

To quickly summerise, BIL has decided he can try to see his daughter if WaSp goes to see her to take her to MIL and then he 'happens' to be there. He only has supervised visitation rights which he refused on the grounds that he wouldn't have "SS breathing down his neck". If ex-SIL was asked if her daughter could see MIL she would probably agree but she would not agree to BIL being there. This is not on and I am spitting feathers and it puts me in a very difficult position as the only one who is touch with them both...

Pyxis

Oh gosh, WaS, you are so right! WaSp mustn't do anything that that contravenes the visitation rights! Your niece is bound to tell her mother that she saw her father!
If BIL really, really wanted to see his daughter, he'd go along with the visitation rights arrangements. Again, it is HIS choice not to do that! Probably because it would involve effort and cash.
( Sorry to be cynical)

Waves_and_Smiles

This is what I have been saying. WaSp knows that MIL would like to see her granddaughter so had the idea of picking her up and fleeing after dropping her off. I know MIL wouldn't turn BIL away. To be fair to WaSp he is now in a position where if he refuses he is basically stopping MIL from seeing her granddaughter (which of course BIL pointed out) so now WaSp feels guilty. He really cannot do this, though and ex-SIL would never trust me again.

lostinrates

I feel very sorry for wasp.

I think his position is extremely difficult. A carer for two women he loves, where being a carer for one is stress enough for many, and the pressure of his brother. Another, unenviable situation, on top of which this situation leaves him with no release valve or space other than his driving time, and I' guessing limited social contact and free time to let his hair down.

My feeling is he is in a no win situation because if he does what's right his brother shouts at him ( and possibly mil will say I she wishes she could see granddaughter and he feels bad) and if he doesn't he's obviously not doing right thing and the situation worsens and Was is cross ( rightly) with him.

I can understand his frustration with life ATM though.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, I agree, LIR. The poor man is being torn every which way. This is why I won't hold his comment to me against him, in a way I am the only person that he can safely vent his frustration on. If MIL would stop BIL seeing my niece then there wouldn't be a problem, I am pretty sure ex-SIL would agree to it. But WaSp and I both know that MIL won't do that.

From my point of view I am the only one who has retained the trust of ex-SIL, if WaSp picks my neice up and drops her off and BIL see's her that trust will be blown to pieces, plus BIL was only offered supervised visitation for a reason. I don't believe that WaSp will cooperate with BIL after I pointed out the many reasons why this was a terrible idea but it is going to cause him a lot of heartache and guilt and I do see why he felt annoyed at me being the little twittering conscience in his ear (or rather the person staring at him in utter horror).