Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Good morning all!

Thank you for the link, whitewing, I sent a pm.

Big yellow thing in the sky today! It is quite warm for a change, this is unusual. In TMI news I think I am having TOTM for about 5 women all at once, another sign my thyroid is up the spout. I should get the test results today so hopefully we can start medicating it properly.

jobbingmusician

^^^^^^that's a very big, CBP, about suicide. I would say don't click through unless you are feeling quite strong

Gosh, WaS, hope they can sort your biochemistry out soon.

I haven't been commenting on the complicated family stuff as I feel so far from being expert, but big hugs to you, WaSp, and anyone else who needs them

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello, JM! How are you today?

The family stuff will resolve itself once again one way or another. WaSp couldn't be clearer on my opinion (I still have guilt over that, I really could have done with not acting quite so horrified and adamant) and now it is up to him to sort it out with his family. I was thinking about what you said about separation JM, this situation and the people in it are separate to me. If it does go ahead then I need to decide if I tell ex-SIL what has been set up, and right now I believe that I will tell her even though it is going to cause huge problems, to not do so goes against everything I believe in and I need to keep ex-SIL and my niece safe. I don't actually believe niece would be at physical risk, however I do believe that ex-SIL would be. They would both be at risk from emotional manipulation.

I can only take care of my part in this, which is I was the only one ex-SIL trusted for years to know her location and still talk to my niece and I will preserve that trust. I can only control my actions in this, everyone else needs to work out what they feel is right for them.

(still horrified and panicking).

oldestgnome

Blue skies here too, not for long I should imagine! I need a dry weekend to tidy the garden up....

I too wasn't commenting because it is very complicated and I have limited personal experience. However I do think it's important to live by your personal code and be clear with those near you on your thoughts on such an emotive and difficult scenario. Particularly when you have knowledge and understanding on how the scenario has come about. You cannot control others actions and have to make the best decisions you can whilst being true to yourself and your moral code.

WaSp is in a very difficult position and he needs to deal with that the best way he can.

Hugs/ warm handshakes / positive thoughts to all

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you oldestgnome. WaSp is in a terrible position, in fact I think it might be easier on him if I did/do talk to ex-SIL if it all goes ahead. It is easier for me to be the big baddie than for him to have to take responsibility for the family fall-out. I wish that I could make it easier on him but right now he knows my position and opinion and as much as it pains me the final decision is up to him. MIL's wishes play a huge part here, it would be far easier if she could see BIL for what he is but she is incredibly protective of him and blames herself for his shortcomings, I think WaSp would find this far easier to deal with if he didn't feel that he wasn't going to hurt MIL by refusing. The poor man has a lot to consider.

Waves_and_Smiles

On the subject of domestic violence this happened the other day and it has been bothering me ever since.

Penguin

A young couple live in the flat downstairs. She has some kind of mental illness and frequently gets visits from the Crisis Team and has been taken to hospital on several occasions. She is physically violent to her partner, a month ago he ran out into the street in his underwear with a stab wound in his side and called the police. We often here things crashing and him yelling " Leave me alone, get off me!". He is a very quiet and shy man, he doesn't really talk to anyone and we never see either of them visited by friends or family.

They had a huge row and one of the neighbours called the police. The police took him into the garden and her into the kitchen and we could clearly hear both conversations. His grandmother had died and he needed to stay overnight with his family to go to the funeral, she did not wish him to do this because she didn't get on with them.She was questioned a lot about whether he hits her, holds her down or threatens her-he was asked nothing of the sort and instead told to learn to deal with his disputes in a way that didn't disturb the neighbours.

I totally support the police in talking to women alone and checking that they are not being physically hurt but no one ever asked him, despite there being a police record that she had previously stabbed him. I found it really unfair, he is being offered no support at all and he is a victim of domestic violence. He always goes back no matter what happens and he just seems to get more and more withdrawn. I wish the police had asked him the same questions.

End Penguin

Pyxis

WaS, could you speak to that nice policeman who came to your door that time? Do you know his name?

Are you up to telephoning him? To put him in the picture, re. what you have heard on several occasions, and your opinions?

If not, could you send him a letter?

Then at least you'd know you'd done all you can to keep him safe.

Penguin

Given the stabbing incident, I wouldn't hesitate to dial 999 if I heard a row starting up again. Yes, I might look like an over-reacting twit, but rather that, than he sustain another injury, or worse.

Would it be possible or appropriate for WaSp to have a quiet word with him, to let him know he has your support and best wishes?i don't know if there are any associations in your area for men being victims, but digging one out to give to him may help.

But listen...... none of this is your fault, and whatever you do it is not your fault whatever happens! Again, it is his choice to keep mum, to stay with her to not seek help. At the end of the day, all you can do is listen out for him.

End penguin

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, Pyxis.

Penguin reply

I have seriously considered calling the police when I hear them row and that has decided me that I will do. I have asked WaSp to try and befriend him, they have had a cigarette outside the house on occasion but he says very little and is very withdrawn. He is her carer so has little social life, he is only 25 himself. She screams at him when he is late back from shopping and accuses him of sleeping with other women, he doesn't have the time to do that. It is very difficult to hear, she is hurting a lot too with her own demons to face but I have always felt that mental illness doesn't give one a right to lash out at another person, particularly to physically hurt them. WaSp told him that he was my carer, too although didn't say what was wrong and when they have talked the guy has always asked how I am. I was quite annoyed at the police reaction, she got the understanding female police officer checking that she wasn't being abused and he got told to quieten down. I wish someone had shown him some kindness. His partner did clearly state that he has never threatened her or raised a hand to hand to her, her words were "He wouldn't dare"

It is hard for anyone to hear their arguments hence another neighbour calling the police but I find it incredibly painful, I am a bit on both sides and I do wish that I could help. That is a good idea about contacting the nice policeman, then at least someone has made them aware and perhaps next time they might offer him support, too.

End penguin

DUKE

Pyxis wrote: »

Why were there naked men, and why was your Onco (what's an Onco?) stripping on stage?

Poor lickle me is confoosed !

Naked footballers in the changing room, there wasn't any but I had to look

Onco is Oncologist. He whipped his jacket off just before he began his speech & asked if we'd all seen the Full Monty, he didn't strip off though other than the jacket that is.

Hope everyone's OK today

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello Duke! I hope both you and Harry are ok!

My eyes totally focused on "He whipped his..." there, I wondered what was coming next! He sounds like he has a great sense of humour!