Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

Well done Haybel!

What sort of things did you get cash back on?

haybel19

I get cashback on all sorts- I try and remember to use cash back sites every time I buy online. So anything from dvds to childrens toys, clothes, household stuff, insurance, electricals etc.

And my personal favourite... bingo/casino sites... no I am not a gambler really but do enjoy bingo and a lot of these will pay you more than you stake to get you to play so your in profit straight away even if lose stake. For example some of these will pay you anywhere between £21 to £63 for a £10 stake!!! So I play the min stake to get the cashback then the second I have done that cut and run with anything left/any winnings. I have made rather a lot this way but of course you need to disciplined- and play the bare minimum so that the cashback is always greater than stake.

One day I am hoping JM will teach me matched better but i need a stake pot first and money comes in and goes straight out here!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Very excited my little princess will be 2 on Monday (where did the time go?). We have a lovely birthday weekend planned. We are off to a farm shortly- Church Farm in Stow Bardolph. We are going with my mum and dad, my brother and his girlfriend and then going to a pub for food after.

Tomorrow is her birthday party at a local soft play centre which she will love followed by OH brother and girflfriend and OH Nan (my little girl is named after her) coming for tea. We have having chinese which is little one's favourite. She even eats crispy seaweed- but is quite an adventurous eater generally for her age.

Monday we are off to Banham zoo and Tuesday we will be having a big rest!!!

I am feeling really guilty as ive been so ill all week I have not made her a birthday cake instead I had to resort to buying one and i feel dreadful - i had it all planned and designed but been really poorly all week so ran out of time. Took her to choose one instead- did she want Peppa Pig? Minnie mouse? No she wanted a very large white chocolate cake!!! Lol. Have to say it looks yummy and is what I would probably have chosen!

Hope you all have an awesome day.

Waves_and_Smiles

I'm awake! For now... Another 15 hour sleep and I am still yawning. Blood tests are booked for Wednesday so that is a good thing.

Woohoo! We have romance on the thread MU! Enjoy the boyfriend!

I hope that you are feeling better, haybel. Good luck for tomorrow, I am sure it will be wonderful and little one will enjoy every moment! She has an amazing choice in cakes, I would have chosen that!

I am with JM, elsien-try power walking first? If it is a psychological pain you might be able to trick your mind into getting used to power walking and then including a 5 minute jog and building on that. If it is a pain due to body alignment whilst running then that should also help.

codemonkey

Hello everyone. It's a gorgeous Autumn day here, my favourite kind and I'm feeling bleurgh.

Penguin (for me anyway) involving body image issues and infertility



OK, so weight issues. I've suffered a bit in the past with binge eating and laxatives/eating very little, which is mostly under control now. I've gained a lot of weight over the past 3 years and the drugs I'm on make me gain weight. Three years ago I was a size 12 and I'm now a size 18-20 and I've never been this big before. I saw a horrible doctor a few months and a few drug changes ago and she made me feel crap about it all - when I said the drugs were making it difficult for me to lose weight she said "Lots of fat people blame their drugs but it's nonsense". When I pointed out the weight gain side effect, she pooh-poohed it and I came away feeling even worse. It can't be a co-incidence that every time I've changed drugs (I cannot find one that works long-term), I've lost 10lbs in a few days. It's not like I don't do anything. According to the pedometer on my phone, I walk 7-8 miles a day. I go to the gym. I don't eat too much crap and I'm still fat and it's affecting my confidence. The other day, someone left and they brought in doughnuts. I went to get one and I felt like everyone was looking at me, thinking "Look at the huge fat person stuffing her disgusting face. No wonder she's massive." I was in a lift the other day with 2 other people and it wouldn't move and I thought it was because I'm too heavy. These are the same thoughts that lead to my problems before. Last night, I really wanted to make myself sick after dinner. I resisted but how long before I can't? I really should go for counselling but I can't bring myself to ask for help and here's why.

DH and I can't have children- his sperm count is zero. At the moment, we're leaving it at that, as we don't like the idea of sperm donors, but we may revisit adoption in a year or two and I'm worried that having any MH issues on my record will stop that from happening. Our infertility is another massive issue at the moment. It seems all my friends and some family members are pregnant at the moment and due their babies this month or next. Which means I'll have to be around newborns during Christmas which is always hard and everyone will be watching me carefully around the new babies because they're worried how I'll react (it's not like I'm going to suddenly grab them and flee to the border - I actually don't like newborns much). It feels like we don't get to do the 'normal' thing and it's just another reason why I feel on the outside of everything.



End penguin.

codemonkey

Now I've got that out of the way...

MU and her beau, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. :T So glad things have worked out.

haybel - don't feel bad about the birthday cake. She got the opportunity to go and pick out a cake and I'll bet she loved it. It sounds delicious. The activities sound fun too and I'm willing to bet she'll remember it as a special day.

WaS - glad you have blood tests booked. How are you doing today?

Pyxis - Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

The rest of you are still awesome.

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin reply!

Oh, Code I have been there on both counts. I am a size 20 now when I was a size 12 (14 up top cos huge boobs!) all of my life. I am very paranoid of it when I am out and just like you I panic that lifts won't work, seats will break, etc. Just like your weight gain mine is medical. I actually don't eat much, no more than 1600 calories a day, I can't or I will gain more. Anti-psychotics cause me to gain weight and then when my thyroid function stopped working properly I gained more, then I needed to take steroids for my Addisons disease which was another gain. Finally due to my blood pressure I had to come off of the contraceptive pill. Because I have such a hormone imbalance the pill regulated my chemicals and I actually lost weight/maintained my natural weight on it. As soon as I stopped it I gained another 14 pounds. If I moved more I could probably lose some weight but not all while I am on this medication, steroids in particular are almost impossible to lose weight on unless you are in to heavy working out. I completely empathise with how you feel and I also have an eating disorder which I do have under control but that just makes it even worse.

Ten years back I was just the same with seeing babies and hearing about pregnancy. It used to feel like a stab in the heart and a punch in the gut when one of my friends became pregnant. Of course, I was overjoyed for them but wanted to throw things at the same time. In my case I don't know if I could have children but the chances are very low. One of my autoimmune disorders causes my body to see parts of me as the enemy and destroy them, I was told that a baby would likely be treated in the same way which devastated me. I have the same condition as my mother who had huge problems with fertility. She could get pregnant and did many times but I was the only who survived and I very nearly didn't. She was told not to have children and I was told that it would be a high risk for me, add that to my mental health issues and I knew that I couldn't do it. Even if I did manage to have a child its life would have been hard with me despite the fact I would have done everything I could to minimise that, so I chose for all aspects of my health and for a future child that it was better if I never had any.

That didn't stop it hurting for many years. I adore children and they seem to really like me. I always wanted a family and WaSp did, too. He chose to give up on that and stay with me which I can't ever express my gratitude for, I did tell him that he could leave and I would never have blamed him. These days I am more rational about my decision, it was undoubtedly the right one to make. Instead I love hearing about others children but it took me years to reach this point.

I am saying all this to show you that I totally understand and there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling on either point. It does hurt and it is ok that it does, you have a right to feel those things about circumstances that are out of your control. I think you cope very well with what you have been through and what you are going for, cut yourself some slack and be a little proud about that. You are a lot stronger than you think and even the strong need to have a little cry sometimes. I don't actually know how much previous mental health issues would affect things like sperm donation. I know in my case I wouldn't be considered but mine are complex issues and I understand why. Can you make subtle enquiries somehow to see whether it would affect anything? I would imagine things like treatment for depression and anxiety wouldn't cause an issue.

End penguin!

codemonkey

Thank you WaS. That made me cry. I'm under a duvet on the couch having cuddles with dumbass dog.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, yes cuddle close with dumbass dog, all warm and snuggly under a blanket. Can you have a lazy day today and watch silly tv or read and just let yourself go with the flow? Sometimes we need a day off to just feel before we get on with every day stuff.

lostinrates

Code monkey, I am flyin by and don't want to skim your penguin, ( I have to copy white text in to my note book to read it properly)

In the mean time can I give you a big hug of understanding? I want to read your text properly so I can understand and be therefore you rather than skim you see.

It always amazes me though how so many of us have shared issues.
Are they shared and almost fundamental to happiness and emotional contentment or just to life?


Big hugs. We cut down a tree to day. It all ways makes me sad.


Edit

Ok, reply penguin. . Well I get you with self image thing, so much I cannot help much.


Re adoption, we very very lightly started to dip our toes in, then my health dipped again so we stopped and decided whatever happened to stop hankering.

I would look into it if I were you. One of the things I have really liked about recent years is the focus on good loving homes being important.

I would inform yourself so you can decide what to worry about or not . Meanwhile re babies in the family etc. they might just be trying to be loving towards you? Sensitive? Being a wonderful aunt or similar btw can be incredibly impactful on a young persons life. Foolish the parents / family who fail to recognise the value you and your DH might have in their kids lives.

jobbingmusician

This is going VERY soon, but just to share.

What I did on my weekend.

(picture deleted so passing trolls can't see me)