Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

I was an only child, whitewing and was only born because the hospital monitored my mother from the minute she discovered that she was pregnant and put her on bedrest at 4 months. I was still born 2 months early as they couldn't take the risk any longer.

A lot of my abuse involved conditioning to think certain ways and it a took an awful lot of therapy to deal with that. I still have a lot of scars from it and very low self-esteem, guilt was a major tool my family used to keep me in line as was in my mothers case, religion. She had her own interpretation of The Bible which was very odd and I frequently had bibles waved at me to swear on and as reminders that God was watching me and could see the evil within me. Even to this day I will not enter a church and anything religious at all makes me very uncomfortable despite the fact that I am now agnostic.

I love bees LIR! We have hives near here and they often stray inside, I am always putting them back out again. I would love to have hives myself.

haybel19

With regards to the contraception topic- I currently have an inplant- its my 4th or possible 5th I can't remember.. I have always got on extremely well with them, and have no periods although some bleeding or periods still are common. I had one removed prior to my daughter, and quickly got pregnant although miscarried twice. I then went on to have my beautiful daughter and shortly after had another inplant fitted. We would like more children but want to improve our financial position first, and as I didn't have the best of times having little one (a lot of errors made in delivery- multiple surgeries as a result and then post traumatic stress) I am just enjoying my little one and feeling better. I also worry about the post traumatic stress returning in a future pregnancy but that's a bridge I will cross if I get to it. Has anyone else suffered post traumatic stress?


Prior to using inplants I used to have contraceptive injections and got on very well with those too..


If anyone wants to know anything else about my experiences with either please do feel free to ask.

Waves_and_Smiles

I have severe PTSD, haybel which is a lot better than it was but will never go away completely, I still have intrusive thoughts and flashbacks at times. Although similar experiences can trigger it, you can learn to not let it take you over and can control the symptoms, a lot of the time by acknowledging them as calmly as you can and recognising that what happened then isn't happening now. CBT can help a lot with this, were you given any support afterwards?

lostinrates

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

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I love bees LIR! We have hives near here and they often stray inside, I am always putting them back out again. I would love to have hives myself.

You get different friendliness ex's of honey bees ours were super friendly ones, which made them delight ful for us to deal with, I never once suited up to deal with them, and have photos where they are looking up at the camera, not exactly smiling, but not bothered, but I think made them not aggressive enough with the wasps, they just seemed to welcome them in.

Next time I want to try a different type of hive too. Its expensive this sort of thing. But I want to try either a top bar hive or one that you build up from below, not add layers on top, both of which are more natural for bees that our traditional way of building up. I'm hoping that more traditional husbandry might buck their ideas up a little, because is like friendly bees!

Waves_and_Smiles

That is so adorable, LIR. The ones that visit me seem quite friendly and are usually tired. If one pops in and I am sleeping I have been known to wake up and acknowledge the bee and we both have a few hours sleep before I wake up to release it and it flies back home. The hives are at a local university and I would love to visit them. However a campus full of students makes it impossible, sadly.

lostinrates

Tired bees love sugar water. Not ideal that they should need it, but if they are dehydrated or hungry...... Tough life for bees out there.

haybel19

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I have severe PTSD, haybel which is a lot better than it was but will never go away completely, I still have intrusive thoughts and flashbacks at times. Although similar experiences can trigger it, you can learn to not let it take you over and can control the symptoms, a lot of the time by acknowledging them as calmly as you can and recognising that what happened then isn't happening now. CBT can help a lot with this, were you given any support afterwards?

Big hugs (if that's ok if not a handshake - which do you prefer? Ive been meaning to ask)


I had weekly/fortnightly treatment sessions for a year with a therapy based on eye movement I've quite forgotten the name for the moment.


I have had CBT in the past for my OCD. However I still struggle to some extent for example I will have to empty and refill our dogs water bowl say 20 times before I am quite satisfied that it is clean and in no way contaminated. I have set routines for when I leave the house and check things in a particular order, but then doubt my ability to check things properly or do things properly so often have to start over or check again. When my anxiety is bad the OCD gets worse then I become more anxious because of the OCD and its a vicious cycle.

whitewing

EMDR? Something to do with processing trapped memories so they get stored properly? I saw a write up in the newspaper once and it was suppose to be quite effective (that was for an adult who was mugged, not for trauma inflicted on a child though, if that makes a difference).

haybel19

whitewing wrote: »

EMDR? Something to do with processing trapped memories so they get stored properly? I saw a write up in the newspaper once and it was suppose to be quite effective (that was for an adult who was mugged, not for trauma inflicted on a child though, if that makes a difference).

Yes that sounds likes it. I had to visualise the memories down to smell/touch/what was said/how I felt etc. I was amazed at the clarity and details I could recall of my little ones birth, the errors, and events that resulted. Even after treatment however I find the memories very difficult- for example right now I can feel myself panicking slightly, I become very aware of my breathing and have to reassure myself that I am safe.


I struggle with being so badly let down by the medical profession, and find it very hard to have any faith or trust as there were so many errors made by many different medical staff. In my mind because so many different medical professionals made mistakes how can I ever trust any of them?

Waves_and_Smiles

I never knew that LIR! How do I give them sugared water? I am now picturing myself cradling a bee in my palm whilst holding a tiny bottle to its mouth. I would love to give them a little boost to get home safely.

EMDR can be very helpful, it helped me process a lot of my memories, haybel. I still panic at intrusive thoughts though, some days are better than others. I have so many OCD rituals and routines that I am surprised that I can fit them all in. I check a lot, do everything in sequences and select numbers. even down to how many times I swallow liquid and if I breathe on one arm I have to breathe on the other, the list is endless. Mine too gets worse with anxiety which as you say turns into a cycle. I did discover one way to counteract it which I wasn't taught - try doing several rituals all at the same time. My mind can't keep up with checking and repeating everything at once and it blocks the thoughts because it just gets so confusing. Might be worth a try for you?

I am not surprised that you no longer have trust in the medical profession, anyone would feel the same after what you have been through. Have you tried explaining this to doctors? They won't think you are silly or anything like that and they may end up explaining treatment to you more clearly which could be more reassuring?