Just needed to be heard for a little while

whitewing

My DH refuses to have a vasectomy as he doesn't like meddling with his body - he was never comfortable giving blood. It isn't religious reasons but he feels these things go against the natural order. I read an article in the Sunday Times about vasectomies and, having read that, I am happy for him not to have the snip.

I always felt he should have the snip rather than me as it is a more intrusive process for a woman. I have weight issues too so I would worry a bit about the anaesthetic. (I have suicidal thoughts occasionally now but still try to avoid dying by accident - ridiculous really).

DH is younger than me and only has 1 child so GP's seem not even to consider a vasectomy for him.

There is something about sterilisation that is so final too. That puts me off for both of us. I don't know why. Perhaps it is the control thing. I am quite oppositional at times.

Waves_and_Smiles

I had a choice to be sterilised and I turned it down because I couldn't cope with it being that final. I know that I never will have children and I certainly shouldn't do so but I know that menopause is going to make me sad.

jobbingmusician

Completely OT, but https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2280981 is another MSE success story, and the DIY SOS programme is on Really (TV channel) now!

oldestgnome

Thanks for the youtube link LiR Most Sunday nights I have real trouble dropping off/switching off no matter how tired I am, will give this a try next time. Lavender definitely helps with sleep - plus it smells so lovely. The bees in my garden love it too! I get pure natural honey from a lady with some hives a few roads away and I like to think the hives that come to my garden for the flowers and pollinate the veg get some of the pollen from my garden silly I know!

Oboe and Viola, a very talented lady JM.

I too have weight issues which is one of the reasons why I have a copper coil fitted, this is my second one, it has no hormones and lasts 10 years. I found it pretty pain free (was dosed up on ibuprofen as advised) to have put in and it has had little impact on my periods which are quite short anyway, I am lucky not to get bad PMS and I rarely have period cramps either (with or without coil).

WaS - did you grow up in an urban or rural environment? The family set up you describe does sound like it would have been outside of the norm. It also shows how well you have done to come through your childhood and remain such a kind and lovely person ((())).

Waves_and_Smiles

That poor man, LIR! I only read the first post and it sounded horrific! I shall take some time to read the thread.

Very urban, the oldestgnome. But the family kept themselves isolated. I wasn't allowed friends and was picked up from school every lunchtime and afterwards, I was given as little contact with the outside world as they could manage. Hence when I was at school I was bullied as I had no idea how to play with other children or interact with anyone outside of my mother, father, grandmother and uncle and was generally terrified of everyone as I had always been told strangers were bad and to avoid them. I eventually went against this and voluntarily attended therapy and talked to professionals and they never forgave me for it, to them it was a vast betrayal.

whitewing

How did your grandmother know your father?

Waves_and_Smiles

My father had done some building work on my mothers flat and they got to know each other then. She made sure my mother was there when he visited to work and actually told him to take my mother to dinner. After that, she explained to him that my mother was shy and quiet and needed someone to care for her and that she would be devastated if he ever left her.

My father was a good man but easily manipulated with an old fashioned sense of duty about protecting women and remaining strong for them, there is no way he would have walked away from my mother when she became dependant on him. This did wear him down and by the time I was born my dad was also quite disturbed but not in a mental illness kind of way, he was very messed up emotionally and also had a secret life which he didn't (dare) reveal to my mother or her family but he did share some of it with me. He got by the best he could but it did take its toll and in the end he needed help too.

whitewing

I assume you were an only child WaS?

oldestgnome

It's a very long thread - I read the first post too. What a horrible situation that one human can put another in. At least his faith in humanity was turned around by MSE, and DIY SOS what a beautiful house!


That makes more sense WaS, thank you.I was wondering how you were so isolated. Another form of abuse or what I might think of as brain washing (not sure how to else to describe constantly being controlled and told how and what to think).

lostinrates

oldestgnome wrote: »

Thanks for the youtube link LiR Most Sunday nights I have real trouble dropping off/switching off no matter how tired I am, will give this a try next time. Lavender definitely helps with sleep - plus it smells so lovely. The bees in my garden love it too! I get pure natural honey from a lady with some hives a few roads away and I like to think the hives that come to my garden for the flowers and pollinate the veg get some of the pollen from my garden silly I know!
]J.

Not silly at all. Our bees were decimated by wasps and we haven't restocked, but we hope some swarmed and got away, and when we see honey bees in the garden we look closely to see if they bear a family resemblance . Its very boss isle those bees. Honey bees look very different to say, bumble bees, google image, you'll see the difference and soon recognise if its your honey makers visiting you among others.


Lots of bees about our lavender too ATM, and the herbs and roses. Any planting we can do for bees ( and frankly any pollinators, but especially bees) is really important now and cannot really be under estimated. I'm even sacrificing 'proper' rose growing space and digging out an albertine for a single rose for the bees next year. I'll put the albertine road side where bees shouldn't be, but I won't see it there either.