Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Your questions are fine, whitewing! I will say if anything distresses me but almost nothing does.

The blanket over my head stops people seeing me, well some of me and stops me seeing people, it works on the ostrich principle. I am not afraid to be outside at all, I am afraid of being seen. This has baffled a lot of professionals as it isn't Agoraphobia so treatment for that won't work, short of living on a deserted island there doesn't seem to be a way around it. If I am seen the psychosis immediately steps up as happened with doctor yesterday. The voices will say how I am being judged on my appearance, how I sound ridiculous and that everyone can look into my mind and read my thoughts. Whilst now I don't believe this to be true, when I am panicked I do begin to believe that people are looking inside my mind and can see every bad thing I ever did and are then communicating that telepathically with each other, so everyone who passes me hates me and wants to hurt me. I think I mentioned a situation where I ran up to a poor man in the street in floods of tears begging him to stop looking at my thoughts. Not my proudest moment and I wish I could apologise to him.

The eyedrops are indeed related to my mother. I had an eye infection when I was 8 and had never had eyedrops before so was very scared. I kept shutting my eyes as she tried to put them in so she repeatedly slapped my face and yelled at me to cooperate. I became terrified of them from that point onwards. I am going to have to get over that as soon as I can because I really do need to use them.

lostinrates

WaS I too have enjoyed getting to know you through your thread.


Forgive my ignorance, but I understood agoraphobia didn't just refer to outside but included the uncontrollable situations of people being there you are describing somewhat ( obviously these are complicated by you other situations)?

Your thread started while I was having a bad time myself. Its been wonderful and uplifting to read your attitude and positivity while coping with very difficult mental health and horrid luck in the past.

whitewing

Call 'em pug drops and squeeze the pug tightly as they are going in.

There is a youtube video that shows how to put eyedrops into closed eyes so it may be worth trying that (I haven't watched it).

I hankered after contact lenses for years but then felt sick every time I put my finger towards my eye.

whitewing

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Agoraphobia/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I found this a useful definition when my diagnosis said I had features of agoraphobia.

jobbingmusician

WaS, if you were shaking and in a state when you were in the doctor's surgery, it is possible that the Dr. didn't manage to show you how to put the eye drops in properly. (It's also possible that the Dr DID show you, but if you are anything like me you won't necessarily remember what you were told )

There is a very good and reassuring description of how to put eye drops in at http://www.glaucoma.org/gleams/eyedrop-techniques-questions-and-answers-from-dr-bradley-schuster.php

Your eye drops are doubtless different from glaucoma eye drops, but I know in the case of g-e-d it is important to press on the tear drainage duct so that the medication doesn't get into the bloodstream. And the description at this link is very simple and comforting ((()))

Ooops - I've just seen - pug drops :D:D:D Lovely!

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello LIR! I have followed some of your threads too! I do hope things are getting better for you now. I am so glad you found my thread to be positive while you were having a bad time, believe it or not I have always been optimistic and although my illnesses can cause depression generally I lean to towards the bright side of things. My psychiatrists believe it is one of the things that keeps me out permanently living in a secured unit, I can mostly always bounce back and get on with things. There is no reason for this, I just seem to be an optimist!

The hurdles with agoraphobia treatment are that at first I need to trust the therapist which can take me quite a while. Then it usually involves looking at pictures of the things that scare you by being outside and then gradually inching your way out, first by standing at an open door. I live in the middle of a city on a through road to the centre, there are people everywhere!

I do think it could possibly help if I lived somewhere more isolated and had a chance of being out without seeing anyone the first few times, my partner used to drive me to places at 3am in the morning when everywhere was deserted and I was able to get out of the car and walk around. Unfortunately, now I have moved here there are pubs and nightclubs on my road so I can never make it into the car unless I have to, and I live on the first floor which means going past 3 other flats and I am terrified of someone opening their door.

I would do so much better in a tiny little village, in hindsight this was the worse kind of place I could have moved to but on the other hand I need close access to hospitals so it's swings and roundabouts.

I love pug drops! Thank you so much for the links too! Although it is fine with the artificial tears I do have to press on my tear ducts to minimise the steroids from entering my system, a little difficult to manage by myself but if my partner tries it, it will trigger the memory even more so I have to get over this within the next few days. The doctor did mention something about pulling my bottom eyelid forward and putting them in there rather than into my whole eye but I don't remember much of it. My main thought was get me out of here, she is looking at me!

whitewing

I used to hate having my windows open. It wasn't so much that I thought someone would break in, I just felt really unsafe.

lostinrates

Thanks WaS. I don't know how I'm doing, truthfully. I'm posting again and I guess that's a good sign.

Access to hospitals is important. It stressful even when you can go out driving miles for them.

Waves_and_Smiles

I know just how you feel, whitewing. One of the bonuses about living on the first floor is I am a little braver about having them open and can manage it for 20 minutes. I still irrationally check if someone is climbing in though!

Hang in there, LIR. I am glad you feel that you can post again. Pop in here whenever you want, you are always welcome and if you ever want anyone to talk to you are always welcome to pm me..

Incidentally, I do have to move in the next 6 months (which is currently The Thing That May Not Be Thought About) and I am going to try my hardest to find a landlord who takes Housing Benefit somewhere more remote. If I can manage it then I shall ask for treatment for getting outside, I do miss it so much. It is causing problems in that I have a Vitamin D deficiency which is bad with Lupus. I shall now forget everything about the bad house move thing again.

whitewing

Did you like being outside as a child, WaS?