Just needed to be heard for a little while

dibuzz

worried_and_scared wrote: »

That makes me remember a psychiatrist I had for 6 months. He was so good-looking he could have easily become a male model. I couldn't look at him at all without blushing furiously, as a consequence he recorded that I had problems with eye contact! The opposite is true, I tend to hold eye contact and watch peoples expressions carefully for clues that I may have upset them. I could never bring myself to explain to him why I couldn't look at him...

That made me laugh

My PWP was absolutely gorgeous, shame he was young enough to be my son

Waves_and_Smiles

It didn't help me have an honest review of my mental health much either. Whenever he asked how I was I always blurted "Oh, I'm totally fine!" whilst trying not to dissolve into fits of giggles and fighting the urge to apply make-up and get my hair done...

I am sure he probably guessed, I can't have been the only client to melt into a puddle.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good luck with the comps Duke! I do feel for Harry, it is totally terrifying and they say the most awful things. The only thing a carer can do is talk gently to a sufferer, repeat that it is symptoms of their illnesses and in some cases ask what the voices are saying. I say sometimes because it can make it worse, they don't like being spoken about so it is best to do this when they are being as quiet as possible. Also the voices can then start saying awful things about the carer making the sufferer feel even worse so be very careful with the timing of that one.

Medication will help control it and it is important that this is monitored as its effectiveness can change. In my case I am kept on the minimum medication possible but I have an agreement that I can increase the dose slowly by tiny amounts if things are bad. I also have a medication regime for a crisis. Neither of these should ever be attempted without medical advice though as it can be very dangerous and at first psychiatrists are reluctant to do this, they prefer a regular routine which does work for most patients. In my case I have odd side effects to all psychiatric medication so we try to make sure I use as little as possible. Plus I have been treated for psychosis for over 20 years so we all have a good grasp on how everything works with me.

Feel free to post anytime, I would like to know how things are for Harry and for you.

whitewing

I have seen my GP. She is excellent - writes it all down for me so I know exactly what I am doing after each appointment. It's such a simple thing but it gives me enormous faith in her.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, that's wonderful whitewing! A good GP makes a huge difference! I am very fortunate in that I have had two good GP's in a row. My current one told me in the first appointment that he would never push me into any treatment unless he feels that I am in danger and he will follow what I feel I need. I adored him from that point onwards. Also, luckily for me he is the owner of the health centre so he can tell other staff what to do! On my last appointment he insisted the nurse did my blood tests on the same day so that I didn't have to leave the house again, in fact he grabbed one off of her coffee break to do it so it didn't increase waiting times! I like him a lot (the nurse probably likes him a little less).

Waves_and_Smiles

My post to Duke got me thinking. Something I haven't mentioned is that the voices can say horrid things about those you love and care for. Sometimes they will tell you they are plotting to kill you or discuss it amongst themselves, other times they will say that people don't really like you and that they secretly hate you. The worse of these for me is when they tell me bad things about the people I care for, such as they are selfish and cruel. A frequent one for me is that they discuss how my partner only cares for me because he gets carers allowance and it is an easy-ride for him, and how if it stopped he would leave me in an instant.

It is important to say here:

THE VOICES LIE AND WHAT THEY SAY IS NOT WHAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE.

When I realised that the voices were symptoms of my illness I entered a suicidal depression. Did this mean that all the horrid things that they said about those I care for really came from me? Did I really hate these people this much? Did I really want them hurt and/or dead? Were these my true feelings? I had huge guilt and despised myself. But this was wrong because I was still believing the voices!

They do not say what you really think, they are liars! They will say the worse case scenarios to try and hurt you and make you afraid, they do not reflect your real thoughts anymore than a cruel person in a dream reflects how you think when awake. We have all had violent dreams where people are badly hurt by others, does this mean we are like the bad people in them? Of course it doesn't. Never, ever believe anything the voices say, they are not reflections of you, they are symptoms of an illness, nothing more.

whitewing

Do your voices say bad things about us on this thread, turquoise WaS?

dibuzz

I'm lucky to have a great GP too, he's happy to sit there and hold my hand for 10 minutes until I can talk to him if that's what I need.

I've had a few bad days and not felt like posting much but I make sure I thank your posts so you know I've read them and am thinking about you.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, dibuzz, I hope that you feel better soon. I will be keeping you in my thoughts too.

So far whitewing, the voices haven't said anything bad about anyone on this thread. They do laugh together about how by putting all of this information out there that someone (again, no one who has posted, a total stranger who thinks all mentally ill people should be locked away) will report me to authorities as being 'mad' and I will be traced and locked away in a hospital forever. I have come close to deleting it on a couple of occasions but that would be believing the voices and I refuse to do that. They make no logical sense because this thread is about how I cope with my illnesses, not that I am in danger. It doesn't stop the voices talking about how the police will break my door down and put me in handcuffs and drag me to a life in a padded room however. I am ignoring them, they can <enter swear word of your choice here> off.

Waves_and_Smiles

Don't worry about going into detail Duke, just take a look at the length of my posts!

The worse thing the voices ever said to me is that I would become a child abuser like my mother and that I secretly wanted to sexually abuse children. That one caused a near-fatal suicide attempt. Obviously, it isn't true at all but they discussed it amongst themselves in detail for quite a few months and it was the most distressing thing I have ever experienced. Thankfully they have given up on that one and these days concentrate mostly on what a horrid person I am and how I hurt people. It is the lesser of two evils.

As far as talking to Harry goes, from personal experience it is safest to speak about his feelings rather than talk directly about the voices. Be aware that while you are doing so that they might be telling him not to trust you and that you have an ulterior motive, the voices try to prevent us from trusting anyone. The best times to do this is when he is mostly in this world and isn't too distracted by what he hears. If he does mention the voices keep calm, reassure him that you understand that it must be awful for him to hear but don't pry, let him lead the discussion. Be aware that depending how bad the psychosis is at the time he may believe them to be real, it is safer to say things like they cannot hurt you rather than they don't exist at first. What I find comforting is to be given rational statements about why they can't hurt me or those I love, telling me they cannot hurt me because <insert reason> works far better than saying just ignore them, you are safe. Give him logic to fight them with wherever possible.

The next part is my opinion only! Always consult your doctors, different things work for different people.

It can take up to 2-3 months before medication fully works for me so it is hard going at first, then it is a question of finding the right one. In my case it took 10 years but that is largely because I react badly to modern medications, the one that worked for me in the end was the first one created which psychiatrists try to avoid using. He made need someone to fight with/for him at times because new anti-psychotics are being created all of the time and some doctors will always try to swap a patient onto the newest one, I am living proof that this doesn't always work. If his latest medication does work for him eventually then I would fight to keep him on it, unless tolerance is formed or his condition changes there shouldn't be any need for it to be altered just because there is a shiny new one that 'might' work better. This is, again totally my opinion and you should always discuss it with his doctor first, I am just saying what worked for me.

Can I just say that I think you are absolutely lovely for supporting Harry? It is very hard on the carers of people with complex psychosis and their distress at what they witness should never be discounted. It is horrid to see someone you care for in such pain, I witnessed that when I was my mothers carer and as she rarely took her medication or attended hospital appointments it was a complete roller-coaster. Make sure you take some time for you too and keep up your own interests, support him but don't make him your sole focus. You cannot help him if you allow yourself to be dragged down by what he is going through.