Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

Bubbles:-






And hear! Hear! to oldestgnome. Absolutely you are making a difference. A huge difference.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am doing my best to stay with you, the electric shocks actually help there. They are hard to explain, it is like a sudden sharp pain and fizzy feeling shooting from my temple to jawline, I automatically scrunch up my face against it. They are quite painful and an obvious symptom of too much dopamine production. I have a throbbing pain in the middle of my forehead that throbs with my heartbeat and I feel dizzy. My arms and legs are tingling with a pins and needles feeling and I can't stop them shaking, these symptoms are purely the result of too much dopamine rather than anxiety. A lot of the times when schizophrenics are psychotic they also have these symptoms which make it even harder to cope. It is a physical as well as mental illness,

I feel so incredibly sad, as if there is no hope and nothing will ever change. This blackness will go on forever. My fingers don't feel real against the keyboard, my body feels as if it is floating as if I am already dead and just a ghost. I keep glimpsing other worlds, some are similar, there is one with my flat in it but the furniture has changed position. There is another Hell world with lava and dark clouds where people scream in agony.

Don't worry, I am safe and my partner is here. It is purely a chemical reaction and I hope recording gives insight and hopefully shows anyone going through something similar that they aren't alone. It will gradually ease as the dopamine reduces.

DUKE

I'm glad you're not alone WaS, I was getting quite worried there.

Waves_and_Smiles

Voices right now-

<laughing> She thought she was alive! always dead. In her own corner of hell. Stuck forever, punishment for being the b*tch she was. Nothing left of her, just a ghost floating forever in the darkness. <more laughter> She thought she was alive! How ignorant, how arrogant. Dead for so long, nothing but rotting bones buried long ago. This is her destiny, alone always alone. Nothing real left, purgatory for eternity. Oh which, oh which world is real? can you tell? Pick the wrong one and damned to Hell! Roll up folks, buy your tickets and take your choice. Heaven or Hell? She is always condemned she always was, condemned to burn in Hell fire for her wickedness. No hope, no chance, just torture and pain.

oldestgnome

I didn't realise that schizophrenia is physical as well as a mental illness WaS.

I too am glad you have DP as well as Sir Pugliet with you.

This will pass WaS. Does physical touch help relieve the feeling and pains?

DUKE

It's not true WaS, they're telling lies again. You have your friends behind you so they'd better watch out!

elsien

WaS, what does your OH do to help you to stay in this world and not get lost in the others?

Pyxis

This is real, WaS.

We are real. Not the lava and dark clouds, not the flat with the furniture in different positions.

This is real, this thread is real, I am Pyxis and I am very real! This is MSE, and this forum is real!

Pyxis

The bad voices are SO wrong!

Cynthia! Do your stuff!

WaS, stuff those voices into Cynthia and she'll drown them and their lies.

oldestgnome

The voices are wrong WaS. You are alive and helping people by typing and sharing your experiences. I very much look forward to logging in and catching up on this thread it is a lovely place to be because of the people that your kindness and eloquent writing have drawn together. I have seen no wickedness, arrogance or ignorance on this thread. Only kindness, consideration and helpfulness

Go Cynthia