Just needed to be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

My partner and I do far better keeping it light-hearted for the most part. We do laugh and joke an awful lot and always have. We very rarely argue because as far as others peoples lives go I am actually very laid back as is my partner. I used to get complemented on being a wonderful flatmate through the years because I do have a very open live and let live attitude, it is only me that I keep within rigid restraints. That is actually something I do like about myself, mental illness aside I am very easy-going and non-judgemental of others which apparently makes me easy to live with.

Yay! I said something nice about myself!

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

My partner and I do far better keeping it light-hearted for the most part. We do laugh and joke an awful lot and always have. We very rarely argue because as far as others peoples lives go I am actually very laid back as is my partner. I used to get complemented on being a wonderful flatmate through the years because I do have a very open live and let live attitude, it is only me that I keep within rigid restraints. That is actually something I do like about myself, mental illness aside I am very easy-going and non-judgemental of others which apparently makes me easy to live with.

Yay! I said something nice about myself!

Quick quick quick WaS, print out that post and stick it on your wall!

In fact enlarge it and stick it on your wall!

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahaha! Good idea Pyxis! It doesn't happen very often!

whitewing

Haven't watched this yet but it looks like it will be interesting:

http://wildtruth.net/dvd/healinghomes/

Waves_and_Smiles

Good Morning!

I am back! (you didn't know I was gone,did you?).

I went away for 6 hours to another world. It is usually unpleasant but very rarely it isn't and this was one of those times. I went to a black cave and standing in the middle of it was a faceless man wearing a long black velvet cape. I approached him and asked where I was and he took his cape and encircled me with it and I could feel myself falling. When I stopped I was in a huge, warm black space with no end. Vivid lights began to flash on and off all around me in all colours, they were beautiful. I sat down for a while and watched the lights swirl, they looked a little like a huge firework display.

Slowly the lights began to form into people shapes made entirely of golden light, they danced around me. They wanted to entertain me and make me happy, I felt safe. One stopped in front of me and I heard his voice in my head asking "What do you want?" He showed me flickering pictures of my past in the blackness like mini-films, both good and bad. The bad ones upset me so they made more pretty, dancing colours for me. They didn't want to upset me, they wanted me to consider. At one time they surrounded me with a huge vivid blue light and told me it would heal me.

They continued to show me selections of my past, counteracting bad memories with good ones. I asked the glowing man why he was showing me this and he said because I had a choice. In some cases I could walk into the memories and look around the room and watch myself at different ages interacting with people, I told my mother to leave little me alone but little me became upset because she didn't want to upset her. I picked up my old toys and played with them again. I spent a lot of time looking around old rooms and looking through cupboards and drawers reminding myself of things I had forgotten.

I remember saying that I was hot and they made the atmosphere cold for me and gave me a rainbow blanket made of light to cover myself with. For a while they danced in a circle around me and chanted and when I asked why the man said that they were helping me. I felt euphoric and loved and as if I belonged there. I asked if I had to go back because I liked it there and I felt safe and the man said the door is always open. Slowly I moved back out of the world and saw glimpses of reality and began to spend more time in this world until I didn't go back anymore.

I am in quite a lot of pain now because apparently I had all of my muscles tightened all of the way through it. That is one of the worse parts of returning from catatonia, I hold my body rigid throughout it so everything aches afterwards. Some of the things I said to the man I said in this world, too and I was able to take a sip of water when my partner offered it to me several times. I don't recall interacting in this world at all.

It wasn't unpleasant and in fact I am avoiding thinking about it too much because my grip here is very tenuous right now. Part of me would like to go back. Sometimes the psychosis isn't bad at all and I like what I see. Now I recall that I have met the man with the black cape before, I can recall him placing it around me to take me to other worlds on different occasions. If I have to have psychotic episodes I would prefer for them to all be like that.

Aliens, light-beings and pseudo-religious experiences are very common in the psychotic illnesses, most sufferers experience them at some stage. Many people believe them to be true but I have had rather a lot so I accept it as part of my hallucinations. What does need to be remembered is they are all invented by my subconscious so it is possible that they contain reflections of me (this is not always the case, sometimes a hallucination is just that and nothing more). In the case of this episode it seemed to be about healing myself and moving forwards so I think the message was a good one. I will increase my medication a little for the next few days but not as much as I usually do after an episode as I am not upset by it at all, it was a rather pleasant experience. I only wish that I could increase my pain medication because ouch...

lostinrates

Glad it was a good one WaS.

Were taking a day off to combine a visit to a beloved friend and walking our dogs at the sea. The little one has never seen the sea and actually we're not sure we've ever taken the oldest either. Our middle girl loves the beach. She's not a swimmer but a paddler, and she loves watching DH/fir plunge in. My friend will probably only bring one of her dogs I think, but he is a real live wire. I predict chaos and hilarity.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, how wonderful, LIR! As you know, the sea is my favourite thing. A dog seeing the sea and sand for the first time is going to be hilarious, and what fun for your middle girl! I am quite jealous!

Have a lovely day, it sounds wonderful already! Please tell me all about it!

lostinrates

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Oh, how wonderful, LIR! As you know, the sea is my favourite thing. A dog seeing the sea and sand for the first time is going to be hilarious, and what fun for your middle girl! I am quite jealous!

Have a lovely day, it sounds wonderful already! Please tell me all about it!

I'm not convinced the Kiwi ( little boy) will like it. His breed are meant to like swimming. We have a big pond we can swim in at home and when we took him last summer he was so horrified he ran to the gate, climbed over, ran done the track, over the yard, climbed another gate and sat in the back garden and wouldn't talk to us for two days.


Hopefully seeing the others paddling, he'll dip a toe in. He's quite energetic and it would be a nice way for him to exercise in summer, especially on these very hot days, a swim in the morning.
The

Waves_and_Smiles

Awwww, poor little boy! As you say hopefully seeing his siblings being brave might enable him to give it a try.

What breeds of dogs do you have?

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Slowly the lights began to form into people shapes made entirely of golden light, they danced around me. They wanted to entertain me and make me happy, I felt safe. One stopped in front of me and I heard his voice in my head asking "What do you want?" He showed me flickering pictures of my past in the blackness like mini-films, both good and bad. The bad ones upset me so they made more pretty, dancing colours for me. They didn't want to upset me, they wanted me to consider. At one time they surrounded me with a huge vivid blue light and told me it would heal me.
They continued to show me selections of my past, counteracting bad memories with good ones..

Oh WaS!! I don't know, but the first thing that occurred to me when I read this section was that maybe it refers to this thread and all the people in it!
Do you think that could be the case?
I'd love for us to be your golden lights! :A