Just needed to be heard for a little while

jobbingmusician

Gosh, I know I am the eternal optimist but I can't interpret your other world in this visit in any other way but as a healing experience. To me it is important that the faceless one told you that you could go back at any time.

Yes, I can also see that this was some sort of religious experience. I have been fascinated for many years by the fact that in the early 20th century it was reported that a Hindu saint, Swami Vivekananda, visited a lunatic asylum. He identified several of the inmates as suffering from a religious mania of some sort, and promptly cured them! I've tried to Google this, this morning, and have found the whole gospel of Sri Ramakrishna (which is where I think I found the story, when I was studying comparitive religion) but searching on the word 'lunatic' simply brings up his consistent analogy about us all rushing around this world being obsessed with trivial things. (Sorry for the antiquated language, but I knew he used the word lunatic. This story may use another term - but madness doesn't bring it up either.)

Of course, SR preached that this whole world is simply an illusion separating us from the true reality of divinity, but I'll simply leave that there. I wouldn't normally even have told that story, but I know there are others on this thread interested in comparitive religion!

Getting back into this more basic world - is it possible that you clench all your muscles during catatonia because you are terrified of the nasty things that normally happen to you during this state, and that if you more regularly were able to visit the faceless one, you would be able to do so without the catatonia?

Waves_and_Smiles

Oops more posts! We move fast here! I'll reply in separate post.

Thank you, Pyxis I shall listen and watch! Watching is easier than listening for me so that will certainly be possible, I shall let you know how I get on.

Sometimes there is no cause for a catatonic episode, my brain just chooses to make it happen. However, it is more likely if I am tired or unwell hence is very important for me to sleep for as long as I need. The paranoid schizophrenic symptoms are triggered by stress, the more worried I become the more I begin to become suspicious of everything. In fact, I can work out if something is bothering me in other aspects of my life by the amount of paranoia I have at the time.

I do have muscle relaxants which I have taken and I think I might live! It really is so painful afterwards particularly my neck which has spinal damage anyway.

I was considered for ECT for a while but it isn't really compatible with Catatonic Schizophrenia. It tends to make things blurry which is how it gives relief but I am already prone to making things blurry to the extent that I slip away all by myself so it wouldn't be a very good idea to make that even easier. It was considered for me to help me deal with depression psychosis in that I would lose a lot of the impact of the memories that make me depressed, I have known a few people who have found that it helped them, as has insulin therapy. However in my case I need things to ground me here rather than make things drift away.

It is very possible that the muscle clenching is out of fear, JM. The problem is I have little control over my body here when I drift off so I can't consciously relax. Even during nice experiences there is always a little fear that I won't be able to come back.

Now, this is going to be an experiment. I have never tried to return to a world I have visited during catatonia but the next time I feel fuzzy I will see if I can go back to this one. If I have to go to any, then this one is the best option as it was very calming. I did recognised the faceless one with the velvet cloak although I can't remember where from but he has featured before. So we shall see if I can go back to it next time, it will be really interesting if I can! I may also try meditating and see if I can get back there, I have seen the electric blue light before while doing so.

whitewing

Also thinking, can your DH get headphones so he can listen to the TV as well as watch it?

My DH has got a very long lead on his but I think you can also get wireless ones?

Waves_and_Smiles

Good idea, whitewing! He has headphones with lead that he uses to watch things on the computer but they won't stretch to the tv. Absolutely brilliant idea about getting cordless! These episodes are quite boring for him because although I may try to hurt myself it can be say 4 times in the space of 6 hours. The rest of the time he is sitting with a very still and silent me and twiddling his thumbs.

jobbingmusician

Yes, my DH has cordless ones and sometimes we both sit in the same room watching different things He could recommend you a good make to buy if you are interested, as he is a total audio nut. He was an electrical engineer when he was able to work......

Waves_and_Smiles

Yes please, JM! That would be perfect for him. Although it is stressful for him when I drift off more than anything he's bored to tears. He can't even have a conversation with me or make any noise as it filters through into whatever world I am in and makes me panic. I am sure he would love to settle down with a couple of films for a few hours.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thinking about saying how schizophrenia is for me I have left out one major part and I don't know how I did as it is an important one. It's my memory falling to pieces or I just blanked it out in horror.

Positive and negative symptoms.

Positive symptoms are when you hear things, hallucinate, feel paranoid and in general have symptoms and emotionally react to them. You feel pretty much the same as everyone else would to being scared and lonely and react to what you see and here. What I describe that I go through on this thread are positive symptoms.

The negative phase is very different. I have only had this for two very long years during my illness but I tried to kill myself 6 times during it. All of the emotion just stops other than brief bursts of fear and anger. A lot of the symptoms recede, the voices almost disappear, the paranoia stops, the self-doubts end. A lot of people see a schizophrenic with these symptoms as stable and better. It is not stable and certainly doesn't feel better!

You lose any desire to do anything even down to what you wish to eat for dinner. You have no hopes, no dreams, no desires. Everything is flat. There is rarely any unhappiness but there is no happiness either, every day feels exactly the same as the last and it seems as if that will never change. You don't feel love or hate or anything at all. You are able to do more things because everything is robotic, there is no emotional reaction. I am not even joking that you could win the lottery and say "and?..." It is simply horrible! When I had flashes of emotions during these years I would immediately try to end my life rather than return to it, it is like being dead while still alive. You could see someone murdered in front of you and just think "Oh, they're dead then", there is absolutely no emotional response at all.

You will be seen to cooperate with others because it doesn't matter either way, you have no opinion for or against things. You don't like or dislike anything, you have no preferences about any aspect of your life and you will go along with what anyone else wants because it means nothing to you. Imagine no favourite foods or tv shows or music, no wish to do anything at all good or bad, just sitting in silence staring into space until someone makes the situation change and worse of all losing any love you previously felt for others. During this stage a lot of schizophrenics become involved with drugs and alcohol simply to try and feel something, they are also very easily led and will go along with some very bad suggestions because it doesn't matter either way to them, you have almost no moral compass. For some people this goes on a lot longer than 2 years.

Psychiatrists used to aim to get people to enter the negative stage because they would be less danger to themselves and they would be able to function better. Recently they have stopped trying to do that because they now realise how horrid it is for the patient. I cannot emphasise enough that if you know a schizophrenic with negative symptoms although they seem better they really are not. They are living a nightmare which will lift for brief periods and they are at more risk of ending their lives then, than at any other. I would take psychosis anytime over the negative symptoms and I really hope that I never return to them again.

jobbingmusician

Sennheiser are what he would recommend - he says cheap ones are next to useless Ball park about £100 for the cheapest decent ones - is this possible? (He says he wouldn't think of spending less than £500 - sorry, I hadn't realised :eek:)

I did immediately Google and found some Sennheisers for £40, but he says no. If you hold on until later today he will look some up for you - although I quite understand £100 may be unaffordable.

Waves_and_Smiles

£100 could work for a combined early Christmas and birthday present for him, JM! £500 however may mean I put them in a glass cabinet and he is only allowed to admire them from afar! Please thank him for helping!

whitewing

£100 is less than 75p a day for year to significantly improve his quality of life. (I don't mean delaying the purchase for that long, just that I would think in those terms for something that seems expensive if it is something you haven't used before).

You could potentially try using them yourself for the create and craft channel to block out background noise. Perhaps try them tomorrow when the person comes to fix your cistern.