Just needed to be heard for a little while

whitewing

Within the psychosis phase though, there are periods in the day where you can function somewhat, ie write online? So we want to try and improve things for you so that these periods expand?

How did you come out of your negative phase?

Waves_and_Smiles

I do think the headphones are a very good idea, the poor man needs something!

The negative symptoms gradually faded over a few months as the voices and paranoia symptoms returned. Frankly I was grateful for them! It honestly was far worse than the positive symptoms although to everyone else other than those closest to me I seemed a lot better.

Yes! Ideally I want to be able to expand the stages where the psychosis doesn't take over. I can cope with random voices muttering and the odd intrusive thought accompanied by an odd emotion, it is when these become overwhelming that I either become very paranoid or drift away. It tends to happen in blocks, you may notice that I'll reply regularly for a few hours and then disappear for another few when it gets too much. Then it repeats.

Distraction helps a lot, as does not allowing myself to worry. The more I worry about things the harder the symptoms are to control so it is better for me to speak immediately about concerns rather than lock them away and quietly dwell on them. I have learnt that if something is upsetting to me to tell someone and talk it through straight away, if I keep it to myself my mental health will worsen. I have started to do so on this thread but I think I need to do it more. I also need to sleep. I get annoyed with how much sleep I need so I force myself to stay awake and I really shouldn't do that. Lack of sleep causes both types of psychosis to get worse, so even if I need 15 hours I need to allow myself to have it.

whitewing

With regard to the memory loss, this is something that can affect my relationships with other people, especially at work. I don't always lose the memories completely, but I don't remember something to the point it becomes embarrassing for them.

One example is that I met someone at work that I used to know and trust from my childhood. We were in a meeting with other people, and were delighted to discover each other. She started to talk about when she had come over to my family home when I was a teenager. I had absolutely no recall of it at all, even when she mentioned specific things that we did. (She didn't know about my mh issues and as she is 'at work' I haven't discussed it with her). It was very embarrassing for both of us because she kept saying, don't you remember this? don't you remember that? and because she was the one doing the talking, she was the one who looked weird. Our relationship has never recovered; we are quite reserved with each other on rare occasions when we do meet. I still don't remember her coming to the extent that I wonder if she muddled me up with someone else.

In the other example, there was a big life decision to do with work that I decided to do. Something that would be a big decision for anyone but which was very scary coupled with the mh issues that they knew nothing about (because the opportunity may have been taken from me). I had a conversation with the regional manager. Three years later I saw her again when she congratulated me on my work progress since then, and said about the initial meeting when I was nervous but determined. Again, don't you remember? No, I didn't even remember for about 3 days going to the hotel even.

In both instances, if I could have explained about the mh issues, the situations could have been recovered and potentially they would have found it all very interesting. But these things can erode the business relationship and it is hard to come to terms with that or deal with it. I get preoccupied with trying to remember and also trying to deal with the negative feelings rather than shrugging it off and changing the subject. I could do with some tips here, if anyone can think of anything.

whitewing

I also think sleep is where a lot of recovery can take place. I am on less sleep now and still feeling good. I think you should stop calibrating your sleep and see what happens over the rest of the year.

Now, what is being chucked out today?

I have done some decluttering - see the dehoarding thread for details.

LIR, I know you aren't here at the moment but I loved your dog and pond story.

Waves_and_Smiles

I agree with you, whitewing. I do need a lot more sleep than most people, the amount of medication and the autoimmune diseases that cause tiredness cause that. But I get annoyed with myself and stay awake for 24 hours and then things get more unstable. I think I have to suck it up and just allow myself to sleep when I am tired and see what happens for a while.

I had a look earlier and this time I am looking at removing a chipped plate, an old hamster wheel and a pair of shoes one of which has a massive hole in the sole!

whitewing

I love the randomness of your cupboard.

Ask your DP (dear partner) for 5 thoughts that would make his life better. I don't mean winning the lottery. I mean just 5 things that niggle him at the moment in his daily life. And we want the issue not the solution. It will make us more creative if we all pitch in. (You mustn't take anything he says to heart, either).

Pyxis

whitewing wrote: »

. I don't always lose the memories completely, but I don't remember something to the point it becomes embarrassing for tt off and changing the subject. I could do with some tips here, if anyone can think of anything.

Do you keep a diary?, I mean an appointments one? If not, I'd keep a work one at work, and put any appointments, who you met etc in it. It might also help if you take photos of significant work-related outings, visits etc, print them out and keep them in the diary. You could try and do something similar for your private life,; deffo a leisure diary, kept at home, and if doing photos is too much, jot down things that happened during an outing, or get-together, whom you saw, anything funny they did, etc.
From time to time, if you read through bits of the diaries, it helps to reinforce or open up memory pathways.

Similarly, if you get a random recall about an event, jot it down, or put it in the relevant section of the diary.

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I agree with you, whitewing. I
I had a look earlier and this time I am looking at removing a chipped plate, an old hamster wheel and a pair of shoes one of which has a massive hole in the sole!

These are things that you could try putting outside, with FREE on! The shoes could be used as planters! The hole would then be a bonus! (No, sigh...., NOT to grow a shoe-tree in! ) (or sandalwood )( or slippery elm ) ( or sole-anum ) (or Heel-ianthemum ) (ok, I'll stop now!:D), or, if they are a bit jazzy, they could be used as fancy dress!
The chipped plate, if it is patterned, could be chopped up for mosaics. If plain, someone might want an old plate to say, mix oil paints on, or glue, etc., or stand a pot plant on.
The hamster wheel might be what someone with a hamster is looking for, if their wheel got broken, etc.
If they are not taken, say, after two days, then they can go to the tip for recycling!

jobbingmusician

whitewing, how about telling colleagues that you have a minor neuro issue which means some longer-term memories become inaccessible? Totally true, and people don't tend to relate neuro problems to MH issues or directly to work performance, in my experience. (Your memory sounds a bit like mine! )

oldestgnome

I too am glad that this experience was one positive in nature though it must be stressful for your partner. Pyxis love the visual image of the band!!

The cordless headphones sound perfect. I read your descriptions with keen interest of your experiences. I do hope your pain is reducing now as the catatonia gets further away. Does this leave you in an exhausted state do you sleep afterwards or do you feel rested WaS?

Well done on your decluttering white wing. JMs suggestion is a good one, I find in my work environment that a simple explanation for something stops speculation plus it's based on fact.

whitewing

It is a good idea. I have my mobile on me all the time, so I could just take photos of places and make a few notes in my day of who I saw and what other conversations took place. Then just scroll thro them.