Akward Situation...

susieq87

BunnieJ wrote: »

I wouldn't have a problem with doing that. I don't think it's the actual "wedding" part that he's worried about, more the actual getting married!

The last time I pushed the subject he got in a huge mood and we ended up having an argument over it

the more im following this thread the more it seems like he doesnt want to get married and is not giving you a straight answer because he doesnt want you to leave him.
hes not even bothering to keep you sweet, instead hes getting into a bad mood and saying he's not bothered. maybe its time you start really listening to what hes not saying

fufu_banterwaite

Bunnie obviously I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship, so I am only going on what you have written here, but it just really seems like you are far deeper into it than he is and it seems you love him more than he loves you.

Do you feel like he is less affectionate/loving towards you now in comparison to a few years back?

In your heart of hearts, what do you think the answer is?

CH27

BunnieJ wrote: »

I wouldn't have a problem with doing that. I don't think it's the actual "wedding" part that he's worried about, more the actual getting married!

The last time I pushed the subject he got in a huge mood and we ended up having an argument over it

He is basically making it clear he will never marry & but is happy to keep you dangling.
He is being very disrespectful of you.

If it was a true partnership you would talk about & be aware of each other's viewpoints & try to work it out.

FBaby

The last time I pushed the subject he got in a huge mood and we ended up having an argument over it

Why did you argue? At what point did the talk got out of control? What was his argument? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to get married? When he says he isn't bothered, has you asked if he isn't bothered, therefore doesn't mind, why not do it to make you happy?

In your shoes, what would eat me inside is not as much thinking that he doesn't believe in the value of marriage than not knowing why he doesn't want to get married.

BunnieJ

Why did you argue? At what point did the talk got out of control? What was his argument? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to get married? When he says he isn't bothered, has you asked if he isn't bothered, therefore doesn't mind, why not do it to make you happy?

In your shoes, what would eat me inside is not as much thinking that he doesn't believe in the value of marriage than not knowing why he doesn't want to get married.

We ususally argue because he gets ( p**sed off if I compare our relationship to anyone I know who's announced their wedding/engagment/baby. I think he just uses this to cover up how he feels.

From what I can gather when we've discussed (or argued) about marriage, he seems open to the idea of getting/being married, so it makes me feel like it's me who's the problem He isn't one of those people who says "I'll never get married! Who needs a piece of paper to prove their love for each other?" etc. He seems perfectly up for marriage when he's ready. But that's his go to excuse, "I want to do it properly" or "I don't want to buy you a cheap engagement ring" and "I'll propose when I'm ready". While at first I thought it was sweet of him to care about those things, but now I'm sure he just uses them as reasons not to get married.

As I said, I don't care about a flashy ring or a big wedding day, just the actually being married bit. It wouldn't bother me if he wisked me away next week and did it!

I sometimes wonder will he ever be "ready" to get married to me?

fufu_banterwaite

BunnieJ wrote: »

I sometimes wonder will he ever be "ready" to get married to me?

Doesn't sound to me like he ever will be! Have you ever considered splitting up from him or that you two are drifting apart?

Seems to me like you are trying to ignore that might be a possibility.

FBaby

I sometimes wonder will he ever be "ready" to get married to me?

He might do, he might not. My OH was scared to ask me to marry him. I didn't appreciate this at the time, I do now. We had many arguments about it, which of course had the exact opposite effect of what we were both looking for, ie. reassurance. Thankfully, he took the plunge and now can't stop telling me how happy he feels being married to me.

In a way, his being frightened is proof that he takes the act of marriage seriously, appreciate that it is a life long commitment and therefore something you need to do when you are absolutely sure.

It is really difficult because unfortunately, you can look into the future and see whether being more patient would pay off or not.

fufu_banterwaite

FBaby wrote: »

In a way, his being frightened is proof that he takes the act of marriage seriously, appreciate that it is a life long commitment and therefore something you need to do when you are absolutely sure.

How do you know he is frightened? That is an assumption.

FBaby

Of course it is an assumption that I've based on commonality with how my OH was acting before taking the plunge, especially the words 'I'll proposed when I'm ready'.

The responses are going towards him not ever wanting to be married with OP, I just wanted to give an example of patience leading to marriage.

BunnieJ

I understand what you're saying, but after 6 years patience begins to wear out! I've told him we need to talk about things :-/