Akward Situation...

poet123

You have two choices, stay or leave. If you want marriage and he doesn't those are the stark choices.

heartbreak_star

It may come down to "have him without marriage" or "have marriage but not to him".

I'd rather have OH and us not be married than have a wedding with anyone else, no-brainer.

But it's different for everyone

HBS x

fufu_banterwaite

BunnieJ wrote: »

Why should I have to accept that he doesn't want to get married and live with it? You could say why don't we just get married and he can accept and live with being married?

Either way, what sort of relationship would that be?

It is the same end of the stick really, so yes as poet says, stay or leave, you have to make your decision.

What will it be?

BunnieJ

It may come down to "have him without marriage" or "have marriage but not to him".

I'd rather have OH and us not be married than have a wedding with anyone else, no-brainer.

But it's different for everyone

HBS x

I'd rather be in a relationship where I didn't feel like I was "settling" for not being married. If I ever have children I don't want them to have a different surname to me. I would rather be with a person that wants to be married to me as much as I want to be married to them.

heartbreak_star

Ah, see we don't want children and I won't change my name (massive point of identity - I'm nobody's possession, lol!), so it's a little different.

It sounds like you're going to drift if you can't agree on this somehow would a small, private wedding suit him, with no fuss? Or could you change your name to his by deed poll?

Just trying to think outside the box a bit

HBS x

CH27

BunnieJ wrote: »

I'd rather be in a relationship where I didn't feel like I was "settling" for not being married. If I ever have children I don't want them to have a different surname to me. I would rather be with a person that wants to be married to me as much as I want to be married to them.

Then you need to find someone who has the same outlook as you do.

BunnieJ

Ah, see we don't want children and I won't change my name (massive point of identity - I'm nobody's possession, lol!), so it's a little different.

It sounds like you're going to drift if you can't agree on this somehow would a small, private wedding suit him, with no fuss? Or could you change your name to his by deed poll?

Just trying to think outside the box a bit

HBS x

I'm not sure if I want children yet, but if I ever did then I would rather be married and have the same name as them (old fashioned these days). As I said before, I'm not interested in a big wedding/engagment, I would just like to be his wife. I wouldn't care if we eloped to Gretna Green or did it in the local registry office! I'm also not bothered if he spent £100 or £100,000 on an engagement ring. None of that stuff bothers me much.

Personally I wouldn't change my name by deed poll. If he's not willing to marry me, why should I be willing to take his name?

Then you need to find someone who has the same outlook as you do.

...

heartbreak_star

Do you even need an engagement ring then? A couple of silver wedding bands should do it, and a couple of hundred quid for the ceremony. Can you try and make him see it doesn't have to be a faff on?

The flip side is, if you push it, you might push him away.

HBS x

BunnieJ

Do you even need an engagement ring then? A couple of silver wedding bands should do it, and a couple of hundred quid for the ceremony. Can you try and make him see it doesn't have to be a faff on?

The flip side is, if you push it, you might push him away.

HBS x

I wouldn't have a problem with doing that. I don't think it's the actual "wedding" part that he's worried about, more the actual getting married!

The last time I pushed the subject he got in a huge mood and we ended up having an argument over it

heartbreak_star

I think maybe you need to get down to the nitty-gritty of why he won't be married, and also why you want to be married so much. I also want to talk this through with my OH at some point so I can sympathise

He can't just get in a mood without any explanation! Well, he can, but it's not nice

HBS x