Akward Situation...

BunnieJ

I went out with someone for two years. We did love each other, but it wasn't quite right because he refused to geet married, have children etc which I very much wanted to. He took his time lol.., but he is now married and very happy. He just needed the right person. I wasn't it and he wasn't for me. It killed me to break up with him, I still loved him for years afterwards (not in a sad way, I knew I loved him but also that it would never work), but it was ok, my life went on and so did his.

I would be devastated if this ever happened, I'm scared thinking about it if we ever broke up! This situation is making me a crazy person! :-s

Im in exactly the same boat - although he seems to have warmed to the idea slightly lately.

I can't get excited about engagements, weddings babies etc and dread the text message/phonecall about X and Y's latest news!!
Don't get me wrong, when our latest friends announced a new arrival, I was genuinely happy as they had had 2 losses (that I know about) in the last year, but when I was on my own later on, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous - shes younger than me, theyve been going out about 18month less than we were, he was a real ladies man and no-one thought he would ever settle down, yet they are now married with one son and another child on the way

I know no-one likes a complainer, just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like I can't talk to anyone else - its silly but I dont want anyone to think less of OH, I mean anytime we're asked what the hold up is, I laugh it off or say I'm the one holding back. Nor do I want to put him under pressure to drop down on one knee - I want him to do because HE wants to, not just cause everyone says he should (even if he's taking a ruddy long time about it!!!!)

The funny thing is, at the start - I kept my distance, I'd been hurt too many times before and didn't think I'd be able to cope with another let down, so he was the one that did all the chasing. Seems to be as soon as I let my guard down and let him in, he has cooled off.

A few years ago, I dreamed of a fairytale proposal: half time at football final, (which my team of course would go on to win!!) it would come up on the scoreboard....now I'd bite his hand off just for him to mention the word "proposal"...how times have changed lol.

Rant over for me now...that has actually helped, getting it out in the open....

sk56

It sucks, doesn't it?

It makes you feel even worse as I know there are so many people with so many bigger problems!

Have you resolved your financial issues with your OH?

Yes. We sorted that out a while ago

pawsies

Sounds to me like it could be a plot in a movie. Guy asks best friend to take his girl ring shopping under the guise it is for the best friends girlfriend.
She chooses what she thinks the girl would like and then guy buys it and surprises her.

Not that I want to get your hopes up or anything!

BunnieJ

Bunnie – a couple of us have asked if you still love him and if he still loves you, and I notice you haven’t answered, which I think is quite telling.

I love him. You'd have to ask him if he feels the same.

Sounds to me like it could be a plot in a movie. Guy asks best friend to take his girl ring shopping under the guise it is for the best friends girlfriend.
She chooses what she thinks the girl would like and then guy buys it and surprises her.

Not that I want to get your hopes up or anything

My OH jokingly said the same thing when I told him, then we both laughed as it's as ridiculous as it sounds! Our friend and is GF are so loved up, it's definately him proposing to her.

millysg1

try not to compare your relationship milestone with other. I know that is very hard to do. I was with my OH 7 years when we got engaged (tho I did know he wanted to get married at some point) but in that time 2 of best friends got engaged when both of them had been with their partners just a year. I did feel a little put out but part of me felt we would when it is right for us. Unfortunately, these 2 friends never made it their 1 year anniversary before they broke up! Me and my husband are blissfully married and I know that those years before our wedding have made us so strong that we can beat anything together.
What I guess im saying is don't be jealous of those getting engaged quickly around you and just concentrate on your relationship and if It makes you really happy.

quidsy

I'll be blunt, I have alot of friends who are now in the 40's, unmarried, childless, who all wanted those things but who wasted alot of years on men who didn't want those things with them then dumped them for women who they, the men, went on to have kids, marriage etc with. The women were left either to old to conceive or it took too long to find a new new partner to have a decent relationship AND get to have kids too.

SO dont' waste time, if you want marriage & kids, tell him, he either does or he doesn't but if he is playing for time, remind him that unlike men, you don't have that luxury once the biological clock stops ticking.

These were all women btw who wanted kids, there are of course many women who don't but if you do and if you are over 30, then you have a limited window.

BunnieJ

try not to compare your relationship milestone with other. I know that is very hard to do. I was with my OH 7 years when we got engaged (tho I did know he wanted to get married at some point) but in that time 2 of best friends got engaged when both of them had been with their partners just a year. I did feel a little put out but part of me felt we would when it is right for us. Unfortunately, these 2 friends never made it their 1 year anniversary before they broke up! Me and my husband are blissfully married and I know that those years before our wedding have made us so strong that we can beat anything together.
What I guess im saying is don't be jealous of those getting engaged quickly around you and just concentrate on your relationship and if It makes you really happy.

It is extremely hard to do But I think my OH uses it as an excuse everytime the situation of marriage comes up.

I know not everybody has a happy marriage, and people get divorced, but I have many friends who have been together less time that me and my OH and are happily married/expecting children/buying their first homes together etc.

I always joke with him about our friends, saying I'll be mortified if they get engaged/married before us, it's sort of a running joke we have as they're always so loved up. I never thought it would actually happen...now I don't know how to feel.

It's hard not to get jealous sometimes, especially when you don't feel happy with the stage of your own relationship.

BunnieJ

I'll be blunt, I have alot of friends who are now in the 40's, unmarried, childless, who all wanted those things but who wasted alot of years on men who didn't want those things with them then dumped them for women who they, the men, went on to have kids, marriage etc with. The women were left either to old to conceive or it took too long to find a new new partner to have a decent relationship AND get to have kids too.

SO dont' waste time, if you want marriage & kids, tell him, he either does or he doesn't but if he is playing for time, remind him that unlike men, you don't have that luxury once the biological clock stops ticking.

These were all women btw who wanted kids, there are of course many women who don't but if you do and if you are over 30, then you have a limited window.

I'm in my mid-twenties, so fertility isn't an issue atm (not sure if I even want to have children yet).

Somebody in my OH's family was in a longterm relationship for years with no interest in marriage or kids. They broke up, fast forward a few years and he's happliy married to somebody else with a child in his 50s.

millysg1

BunnieJ wrote: »

It's hard not to get jealous sometimes, especially when you don't feel happy with the stage of your own relationship.

It is very hard. I guess it just honesty is the best policy in this case. Sit him down, tell him you've been feeling down and say you need to make sure you are both on the same. Ask him outright if he can see you two married, house and 2.4 kids!
Id the answer isn't what you want to hear or he wont give you a straight answer, then I think you may have to cut your losses.

fufu_banterwaite

millysg1 wrote: »

Id the answer isn't what you want to hear or he wont give you a straight answer, then I think you may have to cut your losses.

I agree. It seems to me that you want to be married to him, but he isn't sure if he wants to be married to you.

Bunnster - hope you don't mind me asking but why do you want to be married? Do you think it will make any difference to your relationship? Or do you just think you should be married as you've been together so long?

time2deal

Hate to be the silver lining on this cloud (it goes against my nature!) but perhaps he has sent you shopping with his best friend to find out what rings you like!