Akward Situation...

quidsy

So you have time to decide what to do

But ask yourself; Are you happy to find yourself in 10 years in the same predicament? If the answer is no then now is the time to instigate the changes otherwise what is the point of staying with someone when you are both wanting different things.

BunnieJ

Hate to be the silver lining on this cloud (it goes against my nature!) but perhaps he has sent you shopping with his best friend to find out what rings you like!

As I said before, my friend and his GF are besotted with one and other. It's definately helping him buy a ring for her. End of story. Sorry to be so blunt...

So you have time to decide what to do

But ask yourself; Are you happy to find yourself in 10 years in the same predicament? If the answer is no then now is the time to instigate the changes otherwise what is the point of staying with someone when you are both wanting different things.

I moved out of my parents house to another part of the country to be with him 8 months ago and have just got a promotion in my job starting next month. If things go badly, I'd be totally f**cked! Equally, I wouldn't want him to just go along with what I want as he seems to not be bothered, and then be unhappy.

If I was still in the same situation in 10 years time I think I'd be asking myself why I hadn't left him already!

fufu_banterwaite

BunnieJ wrote: »

If things go badly, I'd be totally f**cked!

You wouldn’t be f**cked (literally or physically) if you broke up, you must have friends up there, you have a job, I’m sure things would sort themselves out as bad as it may seem.

Interesting though that you moved to the other side of the country to be with him – was there a reason you moved rather than he did? Do you think he would have done the same for you?

You’ve been in that situation for six years. Six years is a long time, you are the only one who knows the true state of your relationship. I think you need to ask yourself if you are together now because you really love each other or just because it is the easy and comfortable thing for you both rather than splitting up.

BunnieJ

You wouldn’t be f**cked (literally or physically) if you broke up, you must have friends up there, you have a job, I’m sure things would sort themselves out as bad as it may seem.

Interesting though that you moved to the country to be with him – was there a reason you moved rather than he did? Do you think he would have done the same for you?

You’ve been in that situation for six years. Six years is a long time, you are the only one who knows the true state of your relationship. I think you need to ask yourself if you are together now because you really love each other or just because it is the easy and comfortable thing for you both rather than splitting up.

Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration. I know I could always go back home to my parents and they would support me. I have friends here, but their mainly my OH's friends who have kind of become mine too. One of the other couples in our group split and we've never saw her again :-/ I would have to move back home as I don't think my income would allow me to move out of my current place with my OH and on my own/housesharing.

I moved to another part of the country, not the actual countryside. I live in a big city which I like He currently has the better job/better career so it was just easier for me to move in with him. Also, the living costs are a lot cheaper here than back where we used to live with our parents (just outside London).

I want to get married, buy a house, not sure about kids, but do all the settling down thing! I know we're still young, but compared to our friends we're the most "independent". They're all getting married, have already bought property, some have kids/are expecting. As I said, getting married for me isn't about the big day but about being his wife.

Morglin

Have you tried formally proposing to him?

No reason why not, plenty of women do nowadays ....;)

Lin

fufu_banterwaite

BunnieJ wrote: »

I want to get married, buy a house, not sure about kids, but do all the settling down thing! I

Is there anyone else you could possibly do this with?

BunnieJ

Have you tried formally proposing to him?

No reason why not, plenty of women do nowadays ....;)

Lin

I don't think that would go down too well! I've said to him before that I would happliy propose to him

Is there anyone else you could possibly do this with?

Not quite sure what you mean by this...I want to do those things with him.

quidsy

Don't add desperate to her list of problems with this man, proposing to him when he has shown no interest in matrimony at all would be a soul crushing exercise.

Talk. Ask him his intentions. That is pretty much the only first step. Then you can make the chocie to hold out or move on

fufu_banterwaite

It seems to me that he doesn't want to get married. You have been together six years so I guess you either have to accept that and live with it or split up and find someone who seems to be as into you as you are into them.

BunnieJ

Don't add desperate to her list of problems with this man, proposing to him when he has shown no interest in matrimony at all would be a soul crushing exercise.

Talk. Ask him his intentions. That is pretty much the only first step. Then you can make the chocie to hold out or move on

That's exactly how I feel sometimes when we talk about marriage. I feel like I'm making a complete fool out of myself every time the subject comes up. I don't want to seem needy, or clingy, or desperate. We lead independent lives and spend time together, we're not a "joined at the hip" couple at all. I don't want to make things worse or make him feel pressured into proposing to me, but I'm fed up of him being my BF and not my husband. I've known him since I was 16-17 and sometimes think if he doesn't want to get married now, he never will.

It seems to me that he doesn't want to get married. You have been together six years so I guess you either have to accept that and live with it or split up and find someone who seems to be as into you as you are into them.

Why should I have to accept that he doesn't want to get married and live with it? You could say why don't we just get married and he can accept and live with being married?

Either way, what sort of relationship would that be?