Akward Situation...

Carmina-Piranha_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Totally agree - if there's one thing I've learnt is that if I want something or want hubby to do something you suggest it once, and leave it at least a week before mentioning it again and then doing it in a subtle way is better

I find that after a week or so, mentioning it to another male (a brother, etc) makes my husband want to do it before the other male does it

FBaby

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But not so much my parents generation (80's)

No indeed, but the one afterwards certainly did.

ecgirl07

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Thanks for the reply TW. I could/can certainly see the stresses my now DH experienced: he took many years to take the step of marriage and I think it some of the stresses you've mentioned played there part in that (apart from the immigration line, lol). Of course once he finally went for it, he feels marrying me is the best thing ever .I suspect if he could have face the his anxieties earlier, I think he would have been just as happy once he had married. I think the stress of prolonged time over taking really big decisions is worse at times that actually taking a decision and acting on it.

So here is a big generalisation based on TW's posts and other feedback:

Men seem to want to wait until life is perfect before getting married - good health, good job, no worries, stress free etc before they can ask the question

Women seem to realise life is never quite perfect and getting married makes it easier to make it "perfect" because you are working together to the goal.

Seems a polar way of looking at it but its interesting.

Carmina-Piranha_2

If you've only just moved in together that's a big step. Maybe he is worried that if you want marriage so soon after this, and you keep mentioning other people's babies that you will want babies soon after marriage.

I had a baby at 24 and I think it was still young. It was an unplanned pregnancy and my friends were horrified at the idea. None of them were even close to being ready for babies until their 30's.

duchy

BunnieJ wrote: »

I moved out of my parents house to another part of the country to be with him 8 months ago and have just got a promotion in my job starting next month. If things go badly, I'd be totally f**cked! Equally, I wouldn't want him to just go along with what I want as he seems to not be bothered, and then be unhappy.

If I was still in the same situation in 10 years time I think I'd be asking myself why I hadn't left him already!

You've had pretty much a LDR for several years and this is the first time you've lived together properly ?

I think your OH is right to wait- a year or two living together gives you a much better idea of if you can tolerate each other and be happy together for the next sixty years than six years of grabbed weekends and odd weeks. Slow down girl - don't put him off the idea by pushing too hard too soon.

Person_one

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But not so much my parents generation (80's)

They might not have divorced as often, but plenty of women were trapped in abusive, awful marriages. My great grandmother was one.

BunnieJ

Offence taken!

Out of seven paragraphs, one of them mentioned that I've had chances to run off elsewhere. Because I am not an a**eh*le, I've rejected every single one of those women and stayed loyal to mine. Somehow this was (as you put it): a long rant. Of course I am offended! That one paragraph consisted of four sentences out of thirty which equates to 13.3% of my post. Do you honestly call that a long rant?

There is me trying to help you feel a bit more secure and reassure you that a man stalling marriage does not mean he's on the prowl for another woman, having an affair and may have issues etc and you claim I went off into a long rant? Seriously? No wonder he hasn't married you! Worse you now admit to showing him my reply to your topic - all about him not wanting to marry you. I did try to make it clear that pressure wasn't a good thing.. you just added even more on to your man! :T

Oh.. and yes I may be a 'tool' as you put it but I'm the one who is engaged to be married! Good luck getting there yourself

I gave you a mans perspective. I never said you would like it.

Thanks for the helpful insite

Yes what did he say?

I showed him this thread and we had a discussion about everything - not leading to an argument - and he reassured me that he does want to get married, just not now. He said he doesn't think the time is "right" for us to get married yet. He wasn't annoyed about me posting on here and agreed with a lot of people's comments We both argeed that (sorry, I can't remember who mentioned this) that the romance keeps being taken out of it every time somebody else gets engaged/married or some older relative asks when we're going to do it.

Thing is back then there were less immigrants, more jobs, cheaper housing...

After some more discussion, my OH finally explained that the real reason he doesn't want to marry me is because of all those damn immigrants! :rotfl:

I was enjoying your point of view til you went a bit ukip/edl - is that really how folks are viewing the world now? Utterly depressing.

(apologies for the thread derail - but i guess men arent asking women to marry them because there are too many immigrants)

"I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but...it's these Romanians you see..."

Touche!

If you've only just moved in together that's a big step. Maybe he is worried that if you want marriage so soon after this, and you keep mentioning other people's babies that you will want babies soon after marriage.

I have no intention of having children anytime soon. I'm not ready at all. My OH wants to have children at somepoint, but not yet either.

You've had pretty much a LDR for several years and this is the first time you've lived together properly ?

I think your OH is right to wait- a year or two living together gives you a much better idea of if you can tolerate each other and be happy together for the next sixty years than six years of grabbed weekends and odd weeks. Slow down girl - don't put him off the idea by pushing too hard too soon.

I've tried not to push it, but it's so difficult when friends and family are constantly bringing it up!

TrickyWicky

ecgirl07 wrote: »

I was enjoying your point of view til you went a bit ukip/edl

So I'm wrong? There are less of them here now than 40 years ago?

Seriously, I did not go all ukip as you put it. I stated a fact.

Person_one wrote: »

"I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but...it's these Romanians you see..."

:rotfl:

I found your comment funny in a jokey way so I did thank you for it however on a serious side, was I wrong? - Were there more immigrants here 40 years ago and less today?

I did not make this the primary reason people, it is one of many things that have changed our culture so get a grip of yourselves.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But not so much my parents generation (80's)

I disagree. That was the last recession and people were under a lot of stress financially. At school every other kids parents were having the house repossesed at times and thats a massive straing for any marriage.

ecgirl07 wrote: »

So here is a big generalisation based on TW's posts and other feedback:

Men seem to want to wait until life is perfect before getting married - good health, good job, no worries, stress free etc before they can ask the question

Women seem to realise life is never quite perfect and getting married makes it easier to make it "perfect" because you are working together to the goal.

Seems a polar way of looking at it but its interesting.

Women also want the perfect white wedding that costs £Mega too if we're going to start generalising!

BunnieJ

So I'm wrong? There are less of them here now than 40 years ago?

Seriously, I did not go all ukip as you put it. I stated a fact.

Yes, there are more immigrants here than there were 40 years ago.

I did not make this the primary reason people, it is one of many things that have changed our culture so get a grip of yourselves.

The FACT that there are more immigrants here now is NOT a reason why people aren't getting married. I don't understand why you used it as a reason, secondary or otherwise. :-/

Brighton_belle

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Originally Posted by Brighton belle
But not so much my parents generation (80's)



I disagree. That was the last recession and people were under a lot of stress financially. At school every other kids parents were having the house repossesed at times and thats a massive straing for any marriage.

You misunderstood me TW - I was referring to the previous generation to me (ie. my parents) who are in their 80's

Person_one wrote: »

They might not have divorced as often, but plenty of women were trapped in abusive, awful marriages. My great grandmother was one.

Oh, I'm quite sure there were. And that is never ever a good thing. Though the only person I knew of my mothers generation in an abusive marriage did divorce and get out.