The number...truth or lie??

Domayne

BigAunty wrote: »

Very invasive and potentially judgemental question. Shame you seem to have to contemplate 'lying' as a valid option and are worried about their reaction to information that they have no right to know.

Are there any other aspects of their behaviour, however minutely and minor, that have troubled you?

Diplomatic answer would be that you'd prefer if he could focus on the present and look forward to the future...

But so soon into the relationship and they are making you feel uncomfortable?

No, he hasn't made me feel uncomfortable at all. Hes really sweet, kind, caring etc...this question didn't really make me feel 'uncomfortable' as such...just kind og paranoid because he's the first guy that I've really liked since I broke up with my ex 2 years ago and I don't want him to think negatively of me

Kabazzzz

BigAunty wrote: »

How about 'do you mean with men or women?'

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


I'm gonna use this!!


I agree though for so soon in a "relationship", being asked that question would put me right off!

Tixy

I wouldn't lie and give a smaller number than is true.

I also wouldn't give an exact correct number.

I'd either refuse to answer/make a jokey response or possibly give them a vague range something along the lines of "more than my shoe size, less than my age" or based on your last reply you could say "well I've been in 4 (or whatever) serious relationships but like most people I've had a few other experiences"

SuzieSue

Domayne wrote: »

Over the last 8 years I've only been with two...but in my late teens/early 20's I did go a little crazy and the number is up there.

That's the most important point. He is with you now, not when you were in your teens/early 20s. We've all done things in our early past which we regret/wouldn't do now, so I think you should just concentrate on your serious relationships and forget about the causal flingss as it's none of his business what you did in your teens.

susieq87

this is such a normal question for people in their 20s (not sure how old OP is) but every one i know asks this when they start dating. it is a very judgemental question which i avoid like the plague and once things get serious thats when i lie

Izadora

It does seem odd to be asking that early into a relationship and seems to be a bit of a judgmental question but I guess it partly depends on context - if it was out of the blue then I'd probably tell him to sod off and mind his own business but if it was kind of related to the conversation then I'd be a little more understanding.

I generally think it's best to tell the truth and would probably be quite unimpressed with someone who judged me negatively for my number - regardless of whether it's because they thought it was too high or too low.

BigAunty

Domayne wrote: »

If I tell him to mind his own business would he not just imagine its worse than it is though?
Im thinking to lie...its not like ive been with a LOT of guys, like triple digits or anything. Over the last 8 years I've only been with two...but in my late teens/early 20's I did go a little crazy and the number is up there...is it bad to omit all the casual flings and only tell about the more serious ones who actually meant something?

Stop with the hand-wringing, already. Why do you feel the need to censure yourself or seek approval anyhow? He should be minding his own business, you shouldn't need to have to direct him.

Honey, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. We don't care if you are totally slutty.

If he minds, then perhaps you've dodged a bullet.

Now cast your mind back very carefully and thoroughly over your past social interactions with him - is there anything else that you've found even a tiny bit puzzling or frustrating? Any pointers that he may be judgemental or a bit controlling?

You should feel completely relaxed, in a state of trust and not the least bit self conscious. If you are not, you should interrogate this much further than the tiny non-issue of your past sexual history and try to figure out why you are so uncomfortable.

Big-Package

It is a pervy question to ask. I would never ask a girl i just met that. In fact i would not even ask my gf. That is just weird :eek:

dandy-candy

If you think he might be something long term or "the one", then don't lie. It would be awful if you said 4 and then a couple of years later it turns out he knows someone from your past who remembers at least 10 of your ex's!
It obviously is important to him if he has asked, better that it goes wrong now that a few years down the line when you are madly in love with him.

Hopefully he likes you just as you are, and it was your past that made you this way.

missprice

Maybe this early in the relationship a jokey answer would be better, or nicely said none if your beeswax matey.

Takes me back to a time me and a good friend were having a how many conversation, and I won't reveal too much but my mate lost count. Although this included all one night stands and teenage fumblings. :cool: