Feeling lonely

rosie_78

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

After I came out of an abusive relationship I had several different types of counselling which made me realise that my friends were also treating me like !!!!!. Due to my upbringing I had been accepting bad behaviour from many people around me and so they were all dropped. The problem is that now I hardly have any....so I can relate to all this myself, never been the same since, find trusting anyone very hard to do

I lost most of mine when my mum was ill, as I was early 20's and unable to go out anymore. Took on responsibility as her carer and my siblings carer too. But I know what you mean about friends being !!!! too.


I do hope that you're able to find trust with people. Have you ever spoken to anyone professionally about this? xx xx

miss_kc

Hi I wanted to expand my social circle and put something back too so I contacted my local council for volunteering opportunities. I've been doing this around 9 months now and its been great fun and I've met some really lovely people along the way. I started slowly helping at one off events rather than make a long term commitment which I might not keep and have gradually taken on a more long term project. Might be worth considering

going_nowhere_fast

Hi

I notice you've had a fair few people saying they have felt the same at some point in their lifes and I wanted to say, me too so take comfort from the fact that you are definately not alone.

I left an abusive relationship and found myself with no family and no friends, a child, all the money I had acquired along the way gone and have ended up living in a not very nice area and am financially stuck here. With little/no free cash and no babysitter even if I was invited out for a drink after work or something similar I would have to say no. Some weeks I don't speak to any adults all weekend - no one rings just to say hi, no one just popping round, no one to just pop round and see.

99% of the time I take comfort from the fact that I am out of the relationship. There is no bad atmosphere in my house, no one putting me down, no one ignoring me, no one telling me if I can go out, where I can go, who I can or cannot speak to, no one calling me ugly or fat. I love being a mother and that brings me a lot of happiness but I have very few adult friendships these days and few opportunities to meet people to make new friends.

I don't have the answers but do take some comfort from knowing you are not alone, there are countless people in a similar situation.

Personally I find that just getting out and about amongst people helps if I am feeling a bit lonely or vulnerable. Just not staring at the same four walls (particularly if like me and you don't like where you live) and also just being amongst people e.g. just walking round a park (not playground - one with big fields or lakes), the supermarket etc - if I do that during the day then I can enjoy my evening which mainly consists of bath, tv and then reading a book in bed.

You never know what is around the corner - my life is unrecognisable from how it was 5 years ago (for the better) - who knows where we will all be in the next 5 years?

MrsE_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

You never know what is around the corner - my life is unrecognisable from how it was 5 years ago (for the better) - who knows where we will all be in the next 5 years?

That is so very very true for lots of us, certainly for me.
Its quite exciting to imagine what the next cycle holds.
I live alone OP, I've been unwell all weekend, I worked from home on Friday, apart from the doctors I haven't seen anyone since Thursday.
I too joined the clandestine cake club & my local gym.

going_nowhere_fast

I plan on joining a local gym when my baby grows up, and I'm going to get several cats :rotfl: I am not a gym bunny but i would go for a little swim, do a yoga class or walk on the treadmill. I would hope that a smile here and there and eventually I might make a friend.

I ended up joining MSE because I was lonely (she hangs her head admitting that). Money does not bring happiness - I am so much happier now than I was when I had it because now I have a wonderful child and no controlling partner but it is exhausting having no money all the time.

I hope that in 5 years time:-

I have moved house
I am a little better off each month financially
I have a few friend's numbers in my phone.

Where do you want to be in the next 5 years?

going_nowhere_fast

MrsE wrote: »

I live alone OP, I've been unwell all weekend, I worked from home on Friday, apart from the doctors I haven't seen anyone since Thursday.

I hope you're feeling better.

MrsE_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Where do you want to be in the next 5 years?

I've gained promotion since my marriage break up, which has helped my financial situation a little bit - but only just.
I honestly have no idea how people manage on low wages, everything is so expensive!
I'm chasing another rise & I hope to increase my earnings again.
Not by loads, but enough to be a little more comfortable.
I like 2 week tropical holidays, but they aren't really possible as a solo traveller :-(
So even when I can afford them again (haven't had a hol for 18 months & won't have one this year), I've no one to go with.
I know now what sort of man I want in the future, an intelligent man I can have a conversation with & share companionship with - but I'm certainly not looking either.
I had one relationship since my marriage ended & I'm not ready for another, I don't think.
But I'm not worried, when the time is right I'll know.

[Deleted User]

I can relate to all that is written in the last few pages. I have also posted some threads about being lonely here in the past.

Since my marriage break up nearly 2 years ago, it seems I am still focusing mainly on the children, my work, house and just getting through the day to day stuff.

I do have a few friends, but Im not part of a mummy crowd or feel that on a day to day level I have someone I can pop round to or have someone who wants to pop into to me. My FB pages are filled with people/mums that I know from school that are out doing things together or having saturday night antics. I don't get invited.

I've asked my few close friends (who I see by arrangement due to location), if its me or anything I'm doing. They don't think it is that. I wonder if its because I can't pretend things are ok if they are not. I would rather talk to someone and sort it out if they have upset me, than !!!!! about them behind their back and smile sweetly to my face. I wonder if people can't handly my directness, it makes them uncomfortable. So they stay away. They like the pretence, the fake "hi huns", the look how many friends I have. I prefer to say it how I see it, I like to treat others as I wish to be treated, I don't make excuses or lie to one's face to get out of a situation. Others do, but clearly its doing me no favours.

Still I can't be who I am not, I am a true friend, I don't muck people about and if I make plans with you, I stick to them despite other offers coming along.

Its still lonely though, especially when I am home night after night, the kids are in bed and it feels everyone else's life is more fulfilling with their perfect husbands, gorgeous families and someone by their side to support them through the good/bad.

I've had that, it was taken away twice and now I am still unsure which direction my life is heading. I wonder if I just don't fit in and will always be one of these people who will remain on the outside forever looking in.

Because I don't do much socially now and I don't really go anywhere or see many people outside of work and school, I have noticed I have lost my confidence and ability to make small talk. I can get so lost in my own thoughts, I find myself frequently not knowing what to say/pass the time of day. Conversation, I have noticed is becoming a more challenging skill. I find that the thought of going out seems un-nerving and daunting on a social level in case I am not funny enough, not cool enough, too quiet, too serious. You get my drift. Maybe I over analyse, but I think I am more of an introvert even though I enjoy being around others, I am not the life and soul, but I am more myself with my closer friends.

sax11

Deanied wrote: »

Try www.meetup.com If you live in or near a big city there tends to be more going on than in more rural areas. There are lots of groups for lots of different interests.

What a great link - thanks for this

so many ladies lookign for friends, why are there none round here

Pyxis

It's funny, you know, but sometimes the Great British Reserve is our undoing. Two or three times in the past, when I've met people at the school gates, or at an evening class, I've thought it would be nice to meet them for a coffee, or a lunch, but shied away from broaching the subject, thinking that they're probably too busy with their own lives.

However, when I finally did ask, they accepted immediately, and later it turned out they'd thought I'd be too busy, and so hadn't asked me!

We can puššyfoot around each other sometimes! So now I just ask, and if I get knocked back, well, we probably wouldn't have got on anyway!