and his world has come crashing down

lostinrates

Meesha.P wrote: »

its the only way i can find the truth. with out the truth i'm going to keep these thoughts that i must of did some thing wrong to him for him to do this.

YOu will not get ANY truth this way.

None at all.

All you will get is more pain, and as others are alluding too, make the future harder for yourself AND your child, the more hurt caused the more there is to get past in negotiating access, holidays, handovers.
Are you prepared to do that ? Really?

If you cannot think of yourself now, think of your child, lock yourself away and KEEP away from him and her until you have some perspective.

If you cannot find that perspective alone consider a third party to help you so that you can enter what ever negotiation you are going to have to do in a more reasoned fashion.

yvonne13_2

What's the truth going to achieve? What difference does it or will it make? You're only going to drive yourself crazy.....Let it go and take baby steps with your child.

Meesha.P

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

The only one who can tell you the truth about why your ex cheated is... your ex!

His bit on the side will only have the story he gave her - why on earth would you think that is the truth?

You owe it to your daughter to get a grip of the situation and start rising above it all. She does not deserve to hear or read comments from her mum slagging off her dad.

He cheated, you have ended it... now get on with your life.

You are not a teenager, you are an adult and a mother - please don't make this drama any worse than it needs to be.

my daughter is safe from any slagging off. me my family and his family our putting her first to make sure to lessen the affect this could have. i asked him why and he says she is easy and it happen one she says over a year. i believe her over him and when i know the truth i can move on. i need this chapter of my life closed.

JoW123

Meesha.P wrote: »

its the only way i can find the truth. with out the truth i'm going to keep these thoughts that i must of did some thing wrong to him for him to do this.

How do you know she will tell you the truth?? She's no more to be trusted than he is! This will not help you and potentially it could make you feel worse. Please think very carefully about this.

susieq87

this sounds so much like what happened to me only i did not have a child and i never had any communication with the other woman but i found out about her from his phone and found out that she had a baby with him while lying to me about them being just friends after he forced me to have an abortion 3 years ago.
take everyone's advice on here and do not meet her. whatever she tells you is not going to make you feel better but worse. trust me. whatever he said to her is not going to change anything so why do you care?
i cheated on you and hes a b****** end of story. the whos, why, how, when are irrelevant. focus on yourself and your daughter. i know it might not seem like you wont get ove rthis until you know the truth but you will. this will pass. and you did nothing wrong for him to cheat on you. his actions are a reflection of him not of you.
it took me a while to understand everything i just wrote to you because when you're in that zone you cant see the light but its there. reading your updated thread has just opened up old wounds *stiffles cry*

Tiddlywinks

Meesha.P wrote: »

my daughter is safe from any slagging off. me my family and his family our putting her first to make sure to lessen the affect this could have. i asked him why and he says she is easy and it happen one she says over a year. i believe her over him and when i know the truth i can move on. i need this chapter of my life closed.

I'll say it again as you don't seem to be listening to anyone when they say that...

The other woman WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE TRUTH. She may give you her side (which will be biased) and she may tell you what you want to hear... BUT IT WILL NOT BE THE TRUE REASON YOUR EX CHEATED ON YOU.

Only your ex knows why he cheated...and even he may not be honest with himself.

Back to the most important thing for you... your daughter.... of course she will know some of the bad stuff being said. Also, kids talk amongst themselves as well.

Tell your sister to butt out and stop her childish postings and spend your energy on moving forward rather than dwelling on the past.

This is not all about you... think of your daughter stuck in the middle.

RuthnJasper

I know it's very difficult for you at the moment, sweetie. But Charlie, Lioness and others are right. Don't meet his strumpet and don't post stuff on Facebook or elsewhere online. Things can be lifted/copied and pasted elsewhere out of context and for unpleasant reasons. You really don't want stuff from when you were feeling vulnerable being used against you in the future.

Vent on here, if you have to - it's anonymous and won't come up to bite you on the behind when you least expect it. Dignified silence is better (and makes you look MUCH better) in the long run.

Sending lots of hugs and good wishes. x

Meesha.P

i was just thinking after reading the last few. i cant trust her shes as bad as he is. its just driving me crazy not knowing but do i need to know i dont feel i do now. its just the thoughts of doing some thing wrong thinking this is my fault. it is not my fault hes a !!!!! that is the way he is. i'm better than them both. by getting so involved the way i am i'm just bringing myself to there level. i think i need to get away from this for abit to clear my head from this !!!!.

susieq87

meesha.p wrote: »

i was just thinking after reading the last few. I cant trust her shes as bad as he is. Its just driving me crazy not knowing but do i need to know i dont feel i do now. Its just the thoughts of doing some thing wrong thinking this is my fault. It is not my fault hes a !!!!! That is the way he is. I'm better than them both. By getting so involved the way i am i'm just bringing myself to there level. I think i need to get away from this for abit to clear my head from this !!!!.

exactly!!!! Yes! You got it!

aileth

Agree with everyone else. I wouldn't even meet her and just move on with my life honestly.

If you insist though, I'd take anything she says with three tonnes of salt and then some.