struggling to get husband on board.

eyeopener2

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

all of my finances now go into my bank account that is in my sole name- I then transfer into his account enough for his petrol, food, and sundries and he has to manage this himself. if he squanders it then that's his fault and im not going to offer any sympathy or additional finances.

That is an interesting development to be honest with you. I expect fireworks when his cash runs out but it may start the process of him understanding and (possibly) healing the situation he is creating.

He could do with a bit of bible study on family and responsibility in the meantime as well!

tgroom57

Good luck Foggy!
I'm glad you have separate bank accounts, and pleased to see you are becoming more assertive. I hope you will follow up on considering alternative childcare arrangements (childminder, nanny)

When something similar happened with me, my mum sent me a Bible quote, basically saying that a husband that didn't provide for his family wasn't fit to call a Christian, maybe 1 Timothy 5:8

I was lucky to find a lovely childminder, and later a very capable nanny that came to the house daily. I too went through a patch of only doing mine & the children's washing, cooking, buying. It didn't work very well because he helped himself to the food I'd bought for the children. He was home all day, intercepting my mail.

His church was very supportive (of him) - & he dated & subsequently married a well-off woman he met from bible study.

Two things kept me going- a private 'list' of his most obnoxious moments; and the knowledge that I'd made a home once & could do it again.

StressedSteph

Hi Foggy,

I couldnt read and run.

Well done you for getting control of your life and sorting out your finances in such a great way that you or your OH cant give in to the temptation to spend any of it.

I'm so sorry your husband is behav.ing like such a child. You really shouldnt have all this burden on your shoulders alone but sometimes its better to go it alone than have him as an EXTRA burden to deal with.

You have 6, nearly 7 amazing children, some of the older ones should be able to help you a little round the house and I truely beleive that your life we get decidedly better once your husband is off the scene. I know its sad for things to fail but you soubd like such an amazing woman. I think you will feel alot happier in yourself.

Could you move back nearer your family so that you ccan have even a little bit of support from them?.

Keep going hun, don't give in, xxxx

Bublin1

There has been an unpleasant develepment and the husband has been odrered to leave. OP started a new thread in the Relationship Forum.

RuthnJasper

Bublin1 wrote: »

There has been an unpleasant develepment and the husband has been odrered to leave. OP started a new thread in the Relationship Forum.

Link to Fog's new thread: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4976782=

Bless her; I think she's amazing. Fog's OH never deserved someone as decent as her. I SO hope she'll be OK. x

AlexLK

Have you been to your university's student support service?

The_fog_has_lifted

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Link to Fog's new thread: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4976782=

Bless her; I think she's amazing. Fog's OH never deserved someone as decent as her. I SO hope she'll be OK. x

That means the world, thank-you so much.

The_fog_has_lifted

AlexLK wrote: »

Have you been to your university's student support service?

im going in on Tuesday as apparently there is another grant I can apply for for £1000 for emergencies, I hope they would class this as one and will help me out, it would give me a good headstart for childcare etc.

AlexLK

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

im going in on Tuesday as apparently there is another grant I can apply for for £1000 for emergencies, I hope they would class this as one and will help me out, it would give me a good headstart for childcare etc.

I hope you manage to get something sorted. It may also be worth you contacting your university counselling service for someone to talk to independent of your church (which also happens to be your husband's church).

The_fog_has_lifted

AlexLK wrote: »

I hope you manage to get something sorted. It may also be worth you contacting your university counselling service for someone to talk to independent of your church (which also happens to be your husband's church).

im going to see them on Tuesday, I need to step away from our current church as since the latest developments (on my other thread about biting) they re supporting him and I don't feel comfortable going there anymore.
thanks for the advice :cool: